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    There is a guy who is a friend of a guy in our friendship group. He rarely comes out and if he does, he drops in at the end of the evening after his other plans have finished. I find this guy very difficult. I am very patient with people and always have time for people but he always moans, is negative about things and is always sarcastic.

    People always make an effort with him but he seems so disengaged. Last night his friend said to him "you're superficial" but when I asked him in a jokey way if he was superficial he said "that's for me to know" which he was quite sharp and nasty, I responded "oh" as I was shocked he got nasty. He always thinks its ok to joke and take the mick out of us and yet when we say a joke he can't take it. I really don't like this guy and feel like he puts a dampener on the evening when he comes out. I don't know if this all stems from him knowing I don't fancy him. How can I deal with him if he comes out again?
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    There is a guy who is a friend of a guy in our friendship group. He rarely comes out and if he does, he drops in at the end of the evening after his other plans have finished. I find this guy very difficult. I am very patient with people and always have time for people but he always moans, is negative about things and is always sarcastic.

    People always make an effort with him but he seems so disengaged. Last night his friend said to him "you're superficial" but when I asked him in a jokey way if he was superficial he said "that's for me to know" which he was quite sharp and nasty, I responded "oh" as I was shocked he got nasty. He always thinks its ok to joke and take the mick out of us and yet when we say a joke he can't take it. I really don't like this guy and feel like he puts a dampener on the evening when he comes out. I don't know if this all stems from him knowing I don't fancy him. How can I deal with him if he comes out again?
    Next time he says something nasty, just confront him about his attitude and tell him why he'll never get anywhere in life.
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    From personal experience, (and I have too much of such experience of both relatives and past friends), this kind of negative personality is very difficult to handle.

    The 1st rule is don't have an expectation of him/her changing. A +ve change would be a bonus.
    To effect change, you need to understand CBT (Cognitive Behavioural Therapy).

    By all means be a supportive friend, but do not let this friendship drag you down, or let it make you deviate from your main goals.
    Be prepared to let go when the going is not of your choosing. Explain your reasoning if you can.

    These are the philosophical pillars I use to run my life:
    [1] I believe in dealing with reality as a deterministic universe;
    [2] I use a summary poem to guide my life view: The Desiderata;
    [3] Seven Habits of Highly Effective People - by Stephen Covey;
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    There is a guy who is a friend of a guy in our friendship group. He rarely comes out and if he does, he drops in at the end of the evening after his other plans have finished. I find this guy very difficult. I am very patient with people and always have time for people but he always moans, is negative about things and is always sarcastic.

    People always make an effort with him but he seems so disengaged. Last night his friend said to him "you're superficial" but when I asked him in a jokey way if he was superficial he said "that's for me to know" which he was quite sharp and nasty, I responded "oh" as I was shocked he got nasty. He always thinks its ok to joke and take the mick out of us and yet when we say a joke he can't take it. I really don't like this guy and feel like he puts a dampener on the evening when he comes out. I don't know if this all stems from him knowing I don't fancy him. How can I deal with him if he comes out again?
    shame him for it. call them out on their behaviour. don't tolerate that crap.
 
 
 
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