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I hate my Father Watch

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    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    He's not abusive, so I suppose he could be worse, but simply put he does not give a ****, about any of his children.

    I'll try and keep it brief, but I have some much I need to vent, but please read it, I just need someone to read my vent. I feel desperate because I can't talk to anyone else.

    He and my mother separated last year (20 years too late). Before they separated, ever since I was born, he's had a drink problem. He denies it because he doesn't drink in the morning, he waits until half 3 in the afternoon. Sometimes earlier, sometimes later. As with addicts, his drink comes before anything. When we were younger, we'd always have to get back from day trips early (when we actually went) because he'd have to open the can. When my mother was pregant with us, she told me how they were so poor, they sold a pram to get more money, took a loan from my grandparents (short of money themselves) but he still drank as much as always. When my mother was heavily pregnant with twins (me), she'd beg him not to drink around her due date, in case she had to go to hospital, especially because she was told it was likely we'd be premature, but he still drank. Never have any of us come before alcohol.

    Now he's separated, nothings changed. We hoped that he may want to start fresh, though it might be a wake up call, but he probably drinks more than ever. He's only recently told me he likes to occasionally smoke a splif, imagine your 50 year old father smoking weed. He's never grown up, he's always been this way. First comes drink, then comes his friends. He'd put his mates before any of us, you'd hear him on the phone, with mates, he'd sound like the salt of the earth, doing favors, laughing, swearing, asking, conversing, as soon as he's with us, you'd struggled to get a sentence out of him. I've just finished my 2nd year of uni, and I don't think he'd know what my degree is. I remember shortly after finishing my A-levels, he phoned from work during GCSE results day, asking what our GCSE results were, because his work mate was boasting about his sons results. Of course we told him we had our A-level results in a few weeks, he never asked about them again.

    While he was still living at home, it got the point where one sentence was uttered between us a day, which was always 'Alright Dad?', 'yeah, you alright?', 'yeah'. Now I accept guilt in this, in the end I made no effort, but trying to converse with him is so difficult, I have better conversations with my dog. There's just no interest, no effort being made. Although whenever I had friends around, he'd be a completely different person. You won't believe the difference, he'd act so nice to me in front of my friends, I'd cringe at his falseness. He'd pretend to care about the littlest of things, put on an over-protective Dad act, when it was all bull****.

    Now my parents have been separated about a year. And I see my Dad about once a week, and it's as awkward as ever. But it's worse, because at least when he was with my mum he provided. But now he thinks he doesn't have to contribute a thing, to mine and my sisters living. Now I can see some of you thinking 'why should he'? But he's still my father, I'm still dependent on him. But he expects my mother to take the full financial burden, despite him earning 3 times as much as she does. My mum has taken on the house, the mortgage (he's making sure he's having half of the sharing don't you worry), he's left her with all the dogs. Yet my mum earns below minimum wage. And he genuinely doesn't feel he should contribute to my living. I live at home with my mum, my part time job earns me around £270 a month, and I give my mum £250 a month to make sure the bills/ mortgage is paid for. My Dad gives me £100 a month yes, but that goes straight to the living expenses, straight to my mum. He's earning better than ever, yet doesn't pay rent (because he's doing his cousins house up which he's living in) doesn't pay any bills or anything. And boy does he make us feel bad for taking that money from him, despite him knowing that without it, I'd have nothing.

    My Grandad a pensioner, helps me out financially more than he does. And I'm at my wits end, I'm trying to sort out my student finance and it's proving difficult, because in order to provide proof of separation my Dad needs to provide a proof of address, the only form of which he has, is a bank statement. And he really doesn't want to give me a bank statement to provide to student finance, because 'it has his sort-code and bank details on it'. In other words, he's afraid I might use his bank details.

    I could go on, boy could I go on. But somehow I don't think anyone will read through this ranting writing. But I am at my wits end, I cannot deal with this anymore. I constantly feel like a damn of emotions, anxiety and stress within me is reaching full capacity. And in waves it keeps threatening to push over, and I won't be able to cope. I can't deal with it.

    Oh and I forgot to add, my mum is now unemployed in September due to lack of funds in her workplace. So we have no main income. My mum finally told him this today because she's at breaking point, and he honestly does not give a ****. In fact, I think it pleased him.


    My life is a mess. I honestly, feel like I cannot cope with my current situation.
    • #2
    #2

    (Original post by Anonymous)
    He's not abusive, so I suppose he could be worse, but simply put he does not give a ****, about any of his children.

    I'll try and keep it brief, but I have some much I need to vent, but please read it, I just need someone to read my vent. I feel desperate because I can't talk to anyone else.

    He and my mother separated last year (20 years too late). Before they separated, ever since I was born, he's had a drink problem. He denies it because he doesn't drink in the morning, he waits until half 3 in the afternoon. Sometimes earlier, sometimes later. As with addicts, his drink comes before anything. When we were younger, we'd always have to get back from day trips early (when we actually went) because he'd have to open the can. When my mother was pregant with us, she told me how they were so poor, they sold a pram to get more money, took a loan from my grandparents (short of money themselves) but he still drank as much as always. When my mother was heavily pregnant with twins (me), she'd beg him not to drink around her due date, in case she had to go to hospital, especially because she was told it was likely we'd be premature, but he still drank. Never have any of us come before alcohol.

    Now he's separated, nothings changed. We hoped that he may want to start fresh, though it might be a wake up call, but he probably drinks more than ever. He's only recently told me he likes to occasionally smoke a splif, imagine your 50 year old father smoking weed. He's never grown up, he's always been this way. First comes drink, then comes his friends. He'd put his mates before any of us, you'd hear him on the phone, with mates, he'd sound like the salt of the earth, doing favors, laughing, swearing, asking, conversing, as soon as he's with us, you'd struggled to get a sentence out of him. I've just finished my 2nd year of uni, and I don't think he'd know what my degree is. I remember shortly after finishing my A-levels, he phoned from work during GCSE results day, asking what our GCSE results were, because his work mate was boasting about his sons results. Of course we told him we had our A-level results in a few weeks, he never asked about them again.

    While he was still living at home, it got the point where one sentence was uttered between us a day, which was always 'Alright Dad?', 'yeah, you alright?', 'yeah'. Now I accept guilt in this, in the end I made no effort, but trying to converse with him is so difficult, I have better conversations with my dog. There's just no interest, no effort being made. Although whenever I had friends around, he'd be a completely different person. You won't believe the difference, he'd act so nice to me in front of my friends, I'd cringe at his falseness. He'd pretend to care about the littlest of things, put on an over-protective Dad act, when it was all bull****.

    Now my parents have been separated about a year. And I see my Dad about once a week, and it's as awkward as ever. But it's worse, because at least when he was with my mum he provided. But now he thinks he doesn't have to contribute a thing, to mine and my sisters living. Now I can see some of you thinking 'why should he'? But he's still my father, I'm still dependent on him. But he expects my mother to take the full financial burden, despite him earning 3 times as much as she does. My mum has taken on the house, the mortgage (he's making sure he's having half of the sharing don't you worry), he's left her with all the dogs. Yet my mum earns below minimum wage. And he genuinely doesn't feel he should contribute to my living. I live at home with my mum, my part time job earns me around £270 a month, and I give my mum £250 a month to make sure the bills/ mortgage is paid for. My Dad gives me £100 a month yes, but that goes straight to the living expenses, straight to my mum. He's earning better than ever, yet doesn't pay rent (because he's doing his cousins house up which he's living in) doesn't pay any bills or anything. And boy does he make us feel bad for taking that money from him, despite him knowing that without it, I'd have nothing.

    My Grandad a pensioner, helps me out financially more than he does. And I'm at my wits end, I'm trying to sort out my student finance and it's proving difficult, because in order to provide proof of separation my Dad needs to provide a proof of address, the only form of which he has, is a bank statement. And he really doesn't want to give me a bank statement to provide to student finance, because 'it has his sort-code and bank details on it'. In other words, he's afraid I might use his bank details.

    I could go on, boy could I go on. But somehow I don't think anyone will read through this ranting writing. But I am at my wits end, I cannot deal with this anymore. I constantly feel like a damn of emotions, anxiety and stress within me is reaching full capacity. And in waves it keeps threatening to push over, and I won't be able to cope. I can't deal with it.

    Oh and I forgot to add, my mum is now unemployed in September due to lack of funds in her workplace. So we have no main income. My mum finally told him this today because she's at breaking point, and he honestly does not give a ****. In fact, I think it pleased him.


    My life is a mess. I honestly, feel like I cannot cope with my current situation.
    I've also had some father issues, although mine wasn't a drinker, he was just naturally an ********. He left my mother not long after I was born, without so much as hello. Sure he'd visit me 11 years after to reintroduce himself to me. Only to do the exact same.

    Much alike your situation my mother has always been a low earner, in fact also unemployed because the business she worked for got shut down. She'd never really been good at finding jobs, so she just settled with what she could get. Her job in fact eventually drove her into a while of depression because the manager was treating her as if she's stupid. Obviously everyone would make mistakes, he would just pick with my mother.

    Anyway back to the father, few weeks after having abandoned us, my mother informed my father that she was getting my named changed (I had a long name which included both my mothers and fathers last name). Once he was contacted regarding my name change, he told my mother that I wasn't going to get any of his pension (Not that I wanted it anyway), he was giving away equal parts of his pension to his children (Not entirely sure why). This didn't particularly annoy us, but his sudden "I'm gone" did leave the family in quite a struggle.

    Now as of recent events, he's decided to make contact after several years, he done this though Facebook (not entirely sure how he found me". He played his regular tricks, "I want to get back to knowing my son. blah blah."

    We did in fact meet a few weeks ago, that's another story but I don't mind telling it, if you want that is

    I'm not even sure what I should do on this regard. It's slowly driving me depressed and angry, however at this point I'm doing well to control it. If situation gets worse I might just give him a story, though he'll more than likely twist it. I also cannot understand why he's trying so hard to be this perfect father figure all of a sudden.

    I sometimes feel like I'm just talking to him for the benefit of my half relatives (I have many.. He's quite the..") They've seemed rather desperate to get to know me. The youngest one seemed rather intrigued by me, but some of them I'm not sure I want to know

    I may eventually post a thread on this to see what opinions some of the people here give

    Family matters can really be an upsetting topic. I can partly relate to this.
 
 
 
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