Realistically, most relationships come to an end (unless you end up marrying that person) but how do you know when it's time to move on, and how are you meant to do it?
I've been with my boyfriend for 3 years. Everything was going great until the last six months- where it's all started to spiral out of control. I'm crazy about him, as in, I can honestly say I love him but it's becoming clear that these feelings may not be mutually returned.
He's become distant- we see each other once a week in person if lucky? We usually talk on text or skype, however, I haven't heard more than 5 words out of him in the last 4 days. He will lie about where he is, and then get angry with me when I catch him out on his lies. He stays out all night, and even his family has expressed a concern that he is not telling anyone where he is going.
He's added 50 random new girls on facebook, and his snapchat friends list changes regularly with new girls messaging him and vice versa. Usually I wouldn't be worried about this, but combined with his lying and becoming very distant, I'm starting to worry if it's all an attempt to 'subtly' push me away.
I went away for a while recently and whilst away I felt confident and happy, but as soon as I was back he managed to make me feel insignificant and unimportant within minutes.
Although I love him, I feel as if I am not even in a top 10 of his priorities and that he often seems to forget I even exist now days. People close to us both have begun to notice his behaviour, and several of them have stated that although I may love him I deserve to be with someone who is going to make me a priority at least some of the time. I'm sick of feeling terrible about myself and paranoid and upset. I'm sick of crying. I thought when you were with someone they were meant to help you feel good, and that you shouldn't feel this way.
I'm starting to come to terms with the fact it may be time to move on, but when I really think about it, it scares me. I've been with him for such a long time and I know I will really miss him- but honestly, I don't know how much longer I can put up being made to feel this way.
How do you cope with moving on when you still love someone? How do you do it?
Or is there any way to fix this relationship?
How do you know when it's time to move on, and how do you do it? Watch
- Thread Starter
- 27-07-2014 21:55
- 27-07-2014 22:23
Sorry to hear this OP!
I think it's important to really step back and look at your situation. Have you told him how you're feeling? And is there anything that could have caused his behaviour to change (something that's happened maybe)?
I was in a similar situation with my (now ex) boyfriend a couple of months ago. He became more and more distant to the point where he was putting in no effort and I barely heard from him. I kept putting up with his behaviour and giving him "another chance" (even though I knew something was up) until he texted me one day after god knows how long & said he'd been lying to me and made a decision that had changed things. And that was the last I heard from him.
I realise now that no one who is in a happy relationship should be crying all the time, overlooking someone's ****ty behaviour and never talking to their partner about how they are making them feel, which was exactly what I was doing. I think if you're thinking that something's up/there's a problem, a lot of the time it's because there actually is or something needs addressing.
I'm not saying that it's definitely time to end things, but think about how you're being treated - is it really worth it? You do deserve someone who puts the effort in and no one (who cares about you) should be making you feel this way.
I would definitely talk to him and see what he says, but if I didn't think his behaviour was acceptable, or he carried on making me feel this way, I think I would be thinking about leaving him. I know it's scary and awful if you love them, but you deserve to be happy.
- 27-07-2014 23:16
I'm sorry to hear you have to go through this, and you really don't deserve it.
I had a similar situation...
I dated my now ex-boyfriend for 11 months.
We were in love, he was my best friend and we spent every moment we could together. We wanted to marry each other and have even picked a name for our son (haha). 8 months into our relationship I was forced to move from Australia to the UK and we have decided to try a long distance relationship (it was his idea initially). We could only keep in touch by Facebook or Skype. After about two months I realised that he stopped putting in the effort, we talked rarely in times when I needed support and he started becoming indifferent towards me. There was a time when he actually started ignoring me, he had time to reply to all his friends but not me (with silly justification that he was running out of internet...pathetic). I cried often and felt depressed. I went for a 3 day vacation with my parents and I had no internet connection, during that time I felt so relieved and free, it felt like he didn't have a hold of me anymore. And that was the time when I realised that this has to stop and that I have to end our relationship. It wasn't easy. I suppose I had it easier considering that I could do it over Facebook, without seeing him or having the chance of him visiting me. But getting out of that relationship was a really good decision. And I know that over the 3 years that you've dated, you've probably shared some great memories and moments, so did I, but there comes a point when you have to say that enough is enough.
When you stop feeling comfortable and safe around your significant other, that is the warning sign that something's wrong and that a change is needed. When your boyfriend is making you feel like sh*t that is honestly the time to end things. I can see that it wasn't just a one-time thing, an argument based sadness or anything like that, you're miserable because you are in a relationship with him. He isn't good for you and your relationship has become toxic. You have to stop thinking that you can fix things because to do that, both people have to be on board and you're clearly on your own. (I'm sorry for being so straight forward, but you need to hear this).
You'll definitely need the support of your friends and family during that time, but trust me, when you break up with him and completely let go, it'll be the best decision you have made. There is no easy way of going about it. It is going to be difficult, but it has to be done.
I'm no expert, I'm just basing this on my personal experience. Everyone deals with problems differently and you have to find a way that works best for you, definitely having support from family and friends helps.
But, you have to admit to yourself that, this relationship isn't going anywhere, that this person doesn't deserve you. Once you can do that, take action, break up with him, cut contact, completely distance yourself from him, explore, meet new people. The crucial point here is that you don't become depressed and tied to your room, you have to leave your safe space and go outside, spend time with people that make you happy and meet new people. I'm not saying that you have to start dating someone new or find a re-bound but meeting new people will show you that there are plenty of fish in the sea and that you can be happy without him.
Take care and hope this helps