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    It isn't only my sex life that gets me down, but it is a massive factor for sure.

    Coming on to this you probably thought, oh here we go, another anti-social virgin to can't pull the females. Well I really wish that was the case, I truly do, at least I could be normal then. Not the ****ing abomination that I am...tears in my eyes writing this.

    For some ****ing reason, I have no idea why, I'm not aroused by the things I should me, which in my case should be having sex with females.

    I identify myself as bisexual, I'm attracted to females, males not so much but willing to have se with some (not often though), I'm also not romantically attracted to males, so a relationship is not possible. To me it just doesn't feel right. So what's the problem? Just go for women right?

    Well no, that is the problem actually.

    For example this year alone I've had numerous chances to have se with women, in most cases I've gotten as far as the bed room, so it isn't a problem in that field. It is my actual sexual arousal that causes the problem.

    I have become increasingly masochist since puberty, in a nut shell it is basically a sexual kick from being humiliated/dominated...****ing depressing right? I do have sadist traits as well, but they aren't as my masochist desires.

    I can't seem to be able to have normal sex. I mean not like I should be able to anyway, I'd really have to force it for example, or think of other things completely unrelated.

    People may say 'well find someone like you to have a relationship with'. Sadly is isn't that easy, for starters, there aren't many attractive people my age who are also single and close by, on top of that most females are tend to be masochist anyway. Also most people I've seen online aren't particularly attractive either, plus you come across a lot of ****ing creeps.

    I've ****ing depressed with what I am. I wish I could even just be gay, I hate the idea of a relationship with a male, but if I could be happy with that it would be ****ing great, I guess I'm just simply not gay enough.

    I have no idea what to do. I hoped that it could have been a porn addiction, but I've had these types of desires even before my teenage years. Though I guess there is still a possibility that it is porn addiction, I have no idea really, maybe I'm just in denial about it all.

    The thing is, I'm a proud man, I really am, and I think that is why I ****ing hate these desires, they simply don't match my persona. That is why they depress me. Even if I did find someone to be with, I would still be depressed about it. I would be reminded with a pathetic feeling every time I had sex...I simply can't do it, I also can't go on like this for much longer. Too long I've seen relationships crumble in my hands, with only myself knowing the true reason why...it is ****ing depressing is what it is...
 
 
 
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