Maintaining a relationship while feeling unloveable

Yeah, I know it's anonymous. For good reason.

Basically, I got together with my boyfriend when I'd just lost an unholy amount of weight via unhealthy eating. I was paranoid that he only liked me (we'd been friends first) that way because I looked better, thinner. He about convinced me, and I was a little happier, but that's sort of some of the background. I don't get why he likes me, when no one else has. I don't feel attractive, so I don't know why he thinks I'm attractive. It feels like he's so far out of my league that pretty soon, he'll turn around and go, 'I can't be bothered with you anymore, I'm with someone else far more my standard' as he's going to an amazing uni and probably likely to meet someone fabulous there.

And he lives bloody far away. We saw one another last week for the first time in a couple of months and it was amazing. But we have to decide if we'll stay togethr through uni or not, despite not seeing one another except in holidays and stuff. And I don't really know what to do, whether I want to stay with him or not, whether I want to push for him to be free to be with someone of his own standard rather than me.

Advice?

Reply 1

Zafda

8

you have low self esteem?

if he likes you he does. you don't need to know why he likes you because if he does, you should be glad he does.

don't question why people like you! you probably have a personality that you forget exists, and theres heaps more to a person than what they look like.

what you're saying is pretty similar to how i feel at times. i used to feel pretty low about myself and it was mainly because guys just didn't like me, i was always merely a 'friend' to them - but i dunno, after joining 6th form my confidence has boosted, i'm happier about stuff and most importantly about myself. i couldn't give a crap about what anyone thinks about me, because at the end of the day i was made the way i am and i may aswell accept it.

funnily enough being happy with myself has made me much more sociable, i have heaps more friends and a potential special friend too atm, so tbh i'm not complaining, and you shouldn't either!

you shouldn't feel so low about yourself, i bet theres heaps to you that hes just not told you about.

=]

Reply 2

Tractor-girlie

Anonymous

Yeah, I know it's anonymous. For good reason.

Basically, I got together with my boyfriend when I'd just lost an unholy amount of weight via unhealthy eating. I was paranoid that he only liked me (we'd been friends first) that way because I looked better, thinner. He about convinced me, and I was a little happier, but that's sort of some of the background. I don't get why he likes me, when no one else has. I don't feel attractive, so I don't know why he thinks I'm attractive. It feels like he's so far out of my league that pretty soon, he'll turn around and go, 'I can't be bothered with you anymore, I'm with someone else far more my standard' as he's going to an amazing uni and probably likely to meet someone fabulous there.

And he lives bloody far away. We saw one another last week for the first time in a couple of months and it was amazing. But we have to decide if we'll stay togethr through uni or not, despite not seeing one another except in holidays and stuff. And I don't really know what to do, whether I want to stay with him or not, whether I want to push for him to be free to be with someone of his own standard rather than me.

Advice?

Im going to say waht every one says to me as im in the same boat as you. Look at the positives of you not the negatives. He must like you for being you no one else, I'm sure he sees beauty in you, dont put your self down.
Live for what you have :smile:

Reply 3

lilac!!

15

okay its because he love you!
i mean why else would he say that, i mean you may focus on your negs but all he sees id the positive said of you and thats what you have got to show and bring out on yourself! i mean you only fooe confortable with him because when you are with him he makes you realise that you are one of a kind, now you would have to show that to others!

Reply 4

Anonymous #2

Your being a bit too insecure about your looks. To be honest, guys hardly care whether you look slightly thinner or not, and its a crazy thing to dump someone over.

Reply 5

Anonymous #1

OP

I wasn't intending to dump him, I was just illustrating that I don't feel I'm worthy of him, that he's way out of my league, and that I've always felt that way.

I'm trying to work out if *I* want us to stay together despite how far away we are, or whether I think it's pointless, but I'm finding it hard to separate from 'why would he want me anyway?'

Reply 6

Zafda

8

stop questioning yourself.
the more you doubt yourself the worse you'll be with other people.

do you honestly need an explanation 'why he would want you anyway?'

Reply 7

username47781

20

Zafda

stop questioning yourself.
the more you doubt yourself the worse you'll be with other people.

do you honestly need an explanation 'why he would want you anyway?'

I agree with this, the more you say you don't think you should be with him the more chance you will lose him, remember he chose you because he likes you.

Reply 8

trina

1

Carl1982

the more you say you don't think you should be with him the more chance you will lose him, remember he chose you because he likes you.

Absolutely. There's no point in dumping him so that he can be with someone 'better' than you because he wants to be with you. That's just making him unhappy for no reason.

Maintaining a relationship while feeling unloveable

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