I like this version better
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'You are all cordially invited to my birthday party in McDonalds, Brixton.
Please get there early to avoid missing out on the buy-one-get-one-free cheeseburger offer (only available before 2pm)... Please purchase your own food.... I will pay for your ketchup.... you will only get one tub..... between two.
Dress code: The more upper class you dress the more likely you are to get mugged.
If you have any issues getting to McDonalds, please contact my pimp. He has several mobile phone numbers. You should try to use the word 'wicked' as many times as you can when speaking to him. That way, at least he'll understand you.
You will be welcomed outside McDonalds by a tramp sitting by the entrance, and pretending to play the harmonica...When asked "do you have any change?".... just make as if you can't speak English.... like this... "Me No Inglish", and enter. Please conserve your money for the happy meals.
Entertainment will be provided courtesy of the Metropolitan Police, who will be escorting a group of ASBO kids out on a day-trip.
McDonalds have arranged for a lovely angel cake for us to look at. PLEASE DO NOT TOUCH THE CAKE..... You touch, you buy!
No boxed gifts.... I will, however, accept milk vouchers.
Its gonna be pukka!'