The Student Room Group

Don't know what to do

I've been in a very rocky on and off relationship now for over 6 months. We have fallen out more times than I've had hot meals. We're roughly the same age and going university.
It has come to a time where I am reflecting on the relationship. I am in love with him and care for him dearly but I am having doubts about the sustainability of the relationship in the future.

To my standard the relationship hasn't been satisfactory. We have had some good times together that I'll never forget but we have had some very bad times that I don't think I could ever forget either. Furthermore there are many things I don't think i could forgive him for. Everything a major situation happens in the relationship, he acts in an immature way. I mean, say something really major happened last night, he wouldn't want top speak about it the next day, he'd rather brush it under the carpet. Whereas, I prefer to clear the air first so the situation doesn't become a threat anymore.
Its small things like that which make me wonder about out compatibility too.

I have to admit; some times while I have been with him, I've never been too unhappy in my life. I just feel he had paused my life or taken me back several years. Then sometimes I feel guilty for thinking this as I love him so much and I care for him a lot.
It's a catch 22 situation.

We are going different universities but we won't be far away from each other. We have planned to visit one another at least once a week, which is fair.
I doubt this will last long since I would of gain the freedom and independence I have craved and he would be interested in other business. I mean, we probably will grow apart or he will try and squeeze me in a ball. I don't think I'll be doing much of the chasing since my confidence in the relationship at p[resent is low and for the future... I sometimes think there isn't going to be a future.

I'm not going to state some of the things he has done which has made me ill and unhappy but I will state that he hasn't changed at all to help me forgive him and hopefully forget.

I used to get pretty jealous or at least felt as he was putting me second best when he ignored me for long periods of time. When i asked him i wanted to speak to him after major row he made me suffer for half a week where I was extremely tearful, hadn't eaten for days and very depressed.

One of his mates who had hit me (for no reason, probably jealously actually), well he had decided he wouldn't speak to him again as he believed he was a horrible person anyway. This made me happy as it proved to me he was actually trying to mend things.
But during a major row, that week where he wouldn't speak to me, he went back to that mate. That really hurt me and bothered me so much. All of his friends dislike me. Not sure why. It used to bother me now it doesn’t. It doesn't bother me who he is with either.

It didn't even bother me when i thought he was going with this girl as he was all over her.
If he had actually gone with her it probably would of hurt but I'd probably get over it. Around a month ago that would of truly broke me down.
In other words I have become increasingly strong.

University is a new start for me. I can't wait. I am going reach the top and o my very best. I don't want him putting me down or getting in the way.

I just don't know whether I should call the relationship off and have a conversation with him about it or just let it fade off (but it might not?)
Despite him hurting me in the past, I could never hurt him by leading him on.

I don't think the relationship will sustain. I can see us breaking us, but I can see me doing this and not him. I'd rather to it now rather than later so neither of us get hurt. He goes uni a few weeks before me so I'd like to patch things up there.

Even if we did split, I would still love him as he was my first love and sadly I can't see that love ever disappearing, well for the mean time I can't. I do really care about him too.

I am afraid of what my reaction would be if he was with someone else. It would probably really hurt me. I just want him to be happy. I want my self to be happy.

I'm really stuck. What do I do? I don't want to do anything I'll regret.
well if it is going to survive at university you need to have trust and it seems here there is not alot of that, i think first of all you two need to find out why you argue so much.
Reply 2
woooow essay.

hmm. tbh i think even though you love him and care for him that much, maybe you need to actually sit him down and say it straight - we need to talk or it can't go on.

plus if hes 22 and can't speak to you rationally it'd be too difficult to put up with that.

i mean ye can still love each other and care for each other deeply as friends, but don't be mixing with the wrong crowd, especially if it makes you reflect this deeply. no man should make anyone think this much about their situation if you get me.