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Confidence problems
I've always been shy around people I've just met/peope I don't really know, but over the last few years Ive become really bad, just got serious self-esteem issues and something just STOPPING me, I just cant seem to get over or be myself with people I really like (jjust as friends too), even if I get drunk it doesn't seem to help at all really! I know Ive got nothing to lose by chilling out completely and being myself, and I think people most likely would like me if I did bt I just can't seem to!
I really dont know what to do about this, its getting quite depressing, also seeing as I start Uni soon it worries me, I made friends in college but never any real close ones and was basically always very quiet when in a big group of friends there through the whole 2 years
Can anyone give me any good advice?
I really dont know what to do about this, its getting quite depressing, also seeing as I start Uni soon it worries me, I made friends in college but never any real close ones and was basically always very quiet when in a big group of friends there through the whole 2 years
Can anyone give me any good advice?
Anonymous
I've always been shy around people I've just met/peope I don't really know, but over the last few years Ive become really bad, just got serious self-esteem issues and something just STOPPING me, I just cant seem to get over or be myself with people I really like (jjust as friends too), even if I get drunk it doesn't seem to help at all really! I know Ive got nothing to lose by chilling out completely and being myself, and I think people most likely would like me if I did bt I just can't seem to!
I really dont know what to do about this, its getting quite depressing, also seeing as I start Uni soon it worries me, I made friends in college but never any real close ones and was basically always very quiet when in a big group of friends there through the whole 2 years
Can anyone give me any good advice?
I really dont know what to do about this, its getting quite depressing, also seeing as I start Uni soon it worries me, I made friends in college but never any real close ones and was basically always very quiet when in a big group of friends there through the whole 2 years
Can anyone give me any good advice?
i can give you advise, not sure how good it is
when you get to uni join a society as you will be around ppl with the same interests as you, as you say that you have self esteem issues y not pop in and talk to a student councillor when you get there. keep plodding along and dont hesitate to ask for help as there is no shame in that, good luck and enjoy uni.
ok, il call myself bob-
right, i can advise a lot. ive been exactly where you are right now and ive come out the other side in the past year totally.
first of all, you need to get comfortable with how you look because thats what was at the root of it with me. i clearly dont know how you look, but my moneys on you think your unattractive? wether you are or not is irrelavant.
this started when i was err 16 in the september when i thought, ye im unhappy and have been for ages, its time i do something about it as i ended up being really good mates with loads of lasses, but because i was so fat, no1 saw me as bf material.
anyway...... slwly but surely the weight came off. as i got thinner, i got more girls coming onto me, which never once happened to me in my life before i was like 17. (first kiss 17, how sad was i!)
but as i got thinner, i felt much better about myself, getting confient with girls, and also just being louder and much more fun generally. an
now, i can easily in a club with 4 lasses sat down at a sofa, go join them and chat one of um up easy, and do it reguarly. when previously, i couldnt barely talk to 1.
thats my story anyway.
right, i can advise a lot. ive been exactly where you are right now and ive come out the other side in the past year totally.
first of all, you need to get comfortable with how you look because thats what was at the root of it with me. i clearly dont know how you look, but my moneys on you think your unattractive? wether you are or not is irrelavant.
this started when i was err 16 in the september when i thought, ye im unhappy and have been for ages, its time i do something about it as i ended up being really good mates with loads of lasses, but because i was so fat, no1 saw me as bf material.
anyway...... slwly but surely the weight came off. as i got thinner, i got more girls coming onto me, which never once happened to me in my life before i was like 17. (first kiss 17, how sad was i!)
but as i got thinner, i felt much better about myself, getting confient with girls, and also just being louder and much more fun generally. an
now, i can easily in a club with 4 lasses sat down at a sofa, go join them and chat one of um up easy, and do it reguarly. when previously, i couldnt barely talk to 1.
thats my story anyway.
Anonymous
ok, il call myself bob
Ok. Why?
Just because your not confident in big groups of people doesnt make you an unconfident person at all. I find myself much more active when im with a small group of people whether it be while on a night out or anywhere.
I find in a big group it easier to go round and have a chat to everyone, for some reason i panic while speaking to large groups of people, but dont feel like im a nervous/lack of confidence.
I find in a big group it easier to go round and have a chat to everyone, for some reason i panic while speaking to large groups of people, but dont feel like im a nervous/lack of confidence.
I can't stand big groups of people, but if you "front" the confidence in say a lecture hall full of people, i.e by asking a question, who's gonna know any different?
I've had a stammer all my life and I havent let that seriously affect my confidence and over the years i've always had good self esteem. Recently I read a book entitled Life 101 by Peter McWilliams - out of the book a few things really stood out.
1: Turning what you fear into excitement - use the energy from fear to confront what you don't like doing.
2: Self esteem is achieved quite simply: By recognising the good you do in your life - anything! and always mention to yourself that you are grateful for being here. Its not religious, just helps when your feeling down because of issues in your life.
3: Do the things that YOU want to do - not what others want to do. If you feel pressured to do stuff you don't like doing just stop doing it and do the things that make you happy and fulfilled. You wont lose any friends and people will respect you more.
4: Write down on a piece of paper that you accept everything that has gone on before in your life and live for the present: of course that includes be yourself - "To be oneself, whether right or wrong is more admirable than the easy cowardice of surrender to conformity" Irving Wallace
5: Life is about learning and enjoyment "there is a lesson to be learnt from every situation"
Hopefully some of this advice is useful. I'm happier and more fulfilled now than I ever have been. Like you I didn't make loads of friends in college (just finished) but had a few close ones and met my girlfriend there - I was respected which is one of my goals in life forever.
Jon
1: Turning what you fear into excitement - use the energy from fear to confront what you don't like doing.
2: Self esteem is achieved quite simply: By recognising the good you do in your life - anything! and always mention to yourself that you are grateful for being here. Its not religious, just helps when your feeling down because of issues in your life.
3: Do the things that YOU want to do - not what others want to do. If you feel pressured to do stuff you don't like doing just stop doing it and do the things that make you happy and fulfilled. You wont lose any friends and people will respect you more.
4: Write down on a piece of paper that you accept everything that has gone on before in your life and live for the present: of course that includes be yourself - "To be oneself, whether right or wrong is more admirable than the easy cowardice of surrender to conformity" Irving Wallace
5: Life is about learning and enjoyment "there is a lesson to be learnt from every situation"
Hopefully some of this advice is useful. I'm happier and more fulfilled now than I ever have been. Like you I didn't make loads of friends in college (just finished) but had a few close ones and met my girlfriend there - I was respected which is one of my goals in life forever.
Jon
I used to be really **** moving into new groups, but after I had just gritted my teeth and done it like 3 times into a big group I now have no trouble. Feels awkward for the first few tiems but after that its just natural!
any good advice, don't think just do. that way you don't think what may happen, what happens just does.
if your confidence is crap, people will be put off talking to you. try not to be so insecure, open up. people like open people, obv don't tell them your life story but i dunno, when people talk to you talk to them back. or talk to them first, make conversation about 'random' things.. people like it when you have heaps to talk about.
in uni you're going to have to open up otherwise it'll be hard for you to communicate with other people, mind you its likely you'll come across more shy people like yerself.
but yeah, stop thinking about what to do to improve your confidence and just do it, don't rely on alcohol too - its daft i think, i know some people become extra confident with alcohol but confidence from within feels better because you remember it.
just talk more, even if its utter bs just talk to people. try and approach people more and talk to them, forget what they think, theres about 8 billion people out there and not enough time to think what they think.
if your confidence is crap, people will be put off talking to you. try not to be so insecure, open up. people like open people, obv don't tell them your life story but i dunno, when people talk to you talk to them back. or talk to them first, make conversation about 'random' things.. people like it when you have heaps to talk about.
in uni you're going to have to open up otherwise it'll be hard for you to communicate with other people, mind you its likely you'll come across more shy people like yerself.
but yeah, stop thinking about what to do to improve your confidence and just do it, don't rely on alcohol too - its daft i think, i know some people become extra confident with alcohol but confidence from within feels better because you remember it.
just talk more, even if its utter bs just talk to people. try and approach people more and talk to them, forget what they think, theres about 8 billion people out there and not enough time to think what they think.
I used to have a similar problem. I used to be really shy, but now I've come out of myself a lot more, though I wouldn't call myself a loud person. It doesn't happen overnight, but over time it helps. I'm trying to think of what made me less shy. Well for one thing, I realised that other people probably weren't 100% confident either, so it's not just you. I have never been one to wear things to please other people, I wear what makes me feel comfortable, and if other people don't like that, then it's their problem and not mine. There was this girl at school that used to b*tch about what people wore and how people looked. I just ignored what she said because it's HER opinion (and a shallow one at that!), not everyone else's, and in my opinion I liked what I wore, etc. I also got a new group of friends, who it took me a while to get to know properly, but they were really nice, and after about 2 terms at 6th form I got on really well with them. At first I didn't say much, but after a while I started to say more in group conversations and make jokes, etc. And I realised that they accepted me for who I was. 
Even now it takes me a while to feel totally comfortable around new people, but I'm better than I was. Try to feel comfortable with yourself and you will start to feel more comfortable around other people. I hope this has helped and I haven't waffled too much!
Even now it takes me a while to feel totally comfortable around new people, but I'm better than I was. Try to feel comfortable with yourself and you will start to feel more comfortable around other people. I hope this has helped and I haven't waffled too much!
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