My best friend takes control..

This is probably mostly my fault; but recently I've become more and more aware that in my friendship with my best friend, she really does make all of the decisions for us and I pretty much accept everything she makes me do.

We've been close friends for.. 8 years now, however it hasn't always been this way with her being dominant. In the past she was much more introverted than she is now, and it all seemed to happen after we came to secondary school. Unfortunately, coinciding with her gaining in confidence; I lost quite a few friends due to a rumour and ended up going in completely the opposite direction confidence wise.

Since then I pretty much let her take control. Ever since the incident with my friends I started to do anything to avoid arguing with people, and as a result I just agreed with her and never opposed anything she said as it was much simpler. I guess in a way I might have been afraid of losing her as one of my few friends left too.. Unfortunately now it's a bit too late, because she sees it as normal, and today she admitted that she likes having me laid-back, because she can make the decisions.

I'm trying to say no to her, but she can get really annoyed if I attempt to stand up for myself. Sometimes I feel like staying in when it comes to the evening, but I find I have to make excuses such as "I have to do x" "I'm not allowed out" etc. because otherwise she gets so annoyed, and it's just much easier to have her not annoyed. I was wearing in some new shoes today, and they were a bit painful so I suggested we got the bus home. She got really annoyed and said she really wanted to walk; it was a nice day etc.. but I still had to get back to her house to collect my things and then go home, which would involve over an hour and a half of walking..

But needless to say, here I am typing this having walked home because I couldn't say no. I just wish I could stand up to her, but I really tried and she just said I was being lazy and stubborn.

Reply 1

generalebriety

16

Well, you got yourself into the situation, and there's only one way out. You know what it is.

Reply 2

lilac!!

15

oh okay i had a friend like her, you have to tell it to her i mean not in a rude way, but just say, okay i am feeling like this and its not nice for you to make all the decisions, so can we please change the way we are.....
if shes your friend she will understand i mean 8 years is a lot of time, but to teel you the truth my bestest friend of all time, we were friends for 9 years lol broke uo because she wanted to be popular and normal pupils were not good enough, but thats because she was a bi*ch and i just didnt see it :redface:

anyway i hope this helped and good luck!! xx

Reply 3

Anonymous #1

OP

lilac!!

oh okay i had a friend like her, you have to tell it to her i mean not in a rude way, but just say, okay i am feeling like this and its not nice for you to make all the decisions, so can we please change the way we are.....
if shes your friend she will understand i mean 8 years is a lot of time, but to teel you the truth my bestest friend of all time, we were friends for 9 years lol broke uo because she wanted to be popular and normal pupils were not good enough, but thats because she was a bi*ch and i just didnt see it :redface:

anyway i hope this helped and good luck!! xx

I'm sorry that happened to you. It's terrible to lost a friend, especially one you've had for so long. :frown:

I tried to tell her today actually, I was just so annoyed with everything and I just said: "It's not the walking that bothers me that much, it's just the way you always get your own way." She looked pretty surprised at this, and said: "I don't.. do I?", but in such a way I could tell she knew it was true.. she just didn't quite want to admit it. She eventually said that she just liked it because as a child she never got her own way with her parents, and she just liked to feel in control.

Reply 4

*Ridwan*

1

Learn to say no

My best friend takes control..

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