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Ex boyfriends...

Fleece

15

How do you not let the stuff ex-boyfriends did to you affect your current relationship? I'm finding it hard. :frown:

Reply 1

generalebriety

16

Hate them, forgive them or push them to one side... new boyfriend, new personality.

May I ask what in particular you're referring to?

Reply 2

Fleece

OP

15

Just, like trust issues, or I dunno, it's complicated. Basically every boyfriend I've had in the past has screwed me over and it's almost like i'm waiting for it to happen again. I know he's completely different, but it still makes it hard.

Reply 3

generalebriety

16

Ahh, I understand. I suppose my advice is still what I gave to you before really. Learn to hate them, forgive them, or mentally file them as "irrelevant to current life".

Reply 4

foxiroxi

10

I waited over a year and half till my next boyfriend after I got screwed over and found a guy who won't do that to me.

Well and truely had time to learn ex was no good to me and I hate him and got him out of my life

Reply 5

Anonymous #1

While it is being discussed, may I ask how ppl can forget the sexual stuff that happened between them and their exes...I was very sexually active with my ex, including orals and penetration...but I'm finding it difficult to forget all that and am scared about whether it will affect my next relationship....

Reply 6

username47781

20

Remember they are an ex for a reason

Reply 7

Sazarina88

11

Your new relationship is just that, a whole new relationship.

Just because you got screwed over by your ex does not mean that it is going to happen again, it might do but then again it might not do.

Reply 8

User69701

10

Anonymous

While it is being discussed, may I ask how ppl can forget the sexual stuff that happened between them and their exes...I was very sexually active with my ex, including orals and penetration...but I'm finding it difficult to forget all that and am scared about whether it will affect my next relationship....

Why are you scared? If it is because the event was stressful, your new partner will be able to put your mind at ease. Once your new relationdhip begins things will and do change.

Back to the OP's prob. It seems you have been huirt many times. Try to remember that there are some guys who are not like that. Try talking to you boyfriend, he may be much more understanding than you first thought.

Reply 9

khil

15

Fleece

Just, like trust issues, or I dunno, it's complicated. Basically every boyfriend I've had in the past has screwed me over and it's almost like i'm waiting for it to happen again. I know he's completely different, but it still makes it hard.

Hmm I suppose you gotta make it work by thinking - do you want this relationship to work? If you do, then you must learn to trust him cus it's not gonna work otherwise. Making up your mind that you will learn to trust him and making up your mind that you will not let irrational fear rule you kinda helps on some level. When you're being paranoid and you know you are, talk to the guy. Tell him you're scared, what you're thinking, and let him reassure you. Pick up points where he's shown that you can trust him and build on that.

Kinda similar problem with me - bf broke up with me, was all confused and indecisive and got back together with me, and now I seem to always wait for him to break up with me. I keep waiting for it to happen, even though he's shown me no sign of changing his mind and in fact has acted like he's finally made up his mind. And yet I still feel hurt sometimes when I see his pic. But I'm not breaking up with him, I want this to work, so being paranoid will only ruin what's going well. Kinda have been doing what I've written in the previous paragraph - it gets better with time. Hope it all works out. Main thing is - just talk to him. Like I was paranoid simply cus my bf failed to tell me he misses me, even though he's rung me 3 times in one week so he obviously misses me. Was paranoid nonetheless, so I asked him - tell me you miss me. And he was like - of course I miss you, why do you think I ring you early? Getting that little bit of reassurance can go a long way over time.

:hugs:

Hope it works out with your new bf. He's not the same person. Give him a chance. You know you wanna make this work and it can :smile:

Reply 10

Anonymous #2

Anonymous

While it is being discussed, may I ask how ppl can forget the sexual stuff that happened between them and their exes...I was very sexually active with my ex, including orals and penetration...but I'm finding it difficult to forget all that and am scared about whether it will affect my next relationship....

I find that knowing I'm forgiven by God helps a lot. Just knowing it's completely forgiven and forgotten and God starts healing and restoring you, and you know your mistakes don't matter cus God loves you. Yeh I'm a Christian - don't know if you are, but that's what helps me anyway, and I didn't get as far as sex but I did make a few sexual mistakes along the way that I still regret.

Reply 11

Ron Stoppable

14

Fleece

How do you not let the stuff ex-boyfriends did to you affect your current relationship? I'm finding it hard. :frown:

I noticed the time you posted, Fleece. Having slept on it, are you feeling better?

With past partners it's hard to forget, so you replace them! Emulate the best things about those former relationships with your current beau, so you anchor those positives to your present lifestyle. By doing this, you strip the exes of all the good bits of their uniqueness - thus leaving them with solely negative images. Then it's easy to excommunicate them, both physically and mentally. :smile:

Reply 12

Princess_Charley

4

Every time i see my ex's in the street and stuff they smile at me and say hi. I hate this as one ex in particular treated me really really badly.When your taken to his prom and he ignores you completly, then gets drunk and pushes you into a busy road it kinda messes up your head lol. Then when your in a local pub and walk out you dont expect to get a text saying "saw you in the pub, thought you'd say hi" Now why would i even want to smile at that guy. He dont exsist to me as i didnt even notice him in the pub.

Ive only just gotten over the messed up feelings i been left with from past relationships like, a day or so ago. Something clicked. Me and my current boyfriend had a stupid row over my insecurity (which is whats ex's gave me), he says, do you really think that little of me? That just made me stop and think... "actually, he HASNT cheated in a year, he's not that kinda guy, i mean, he treats me to little things i been looking at in shops, he takes me out for dinner, he's bought me flowers etc." Then i repay all that by being insecure. One time he walked me up to the cathedral in Lincoln which is really pretty at night, and he pulled out a bottle of wine and we had a drink sitting under an archway. I should just stop being insecure as he obv likes me and i love him so much.

I think my prob is other girls, i've disgused this before with anonymous. As a girl i KNOW there are other girls that would think nothing of kissing your boyfriend. But if they good they push them off.

Dont let your ex's mess up your current relationship. You could loose him if you do. Try being confident in yourself, and please. Just know that no matter how bad its been in the past. you can have good future. :smile:

take it from someone who been there lol.

Reply 13

Anonymous #3

I know the feeling, I'm not in any position to give advice as being badly treated by previous boyfriends sadly has become ingrained in my psyche, I am no longer able to trust. I don't know what the answer is but I have started seeing a relate therapist.

Reply 14

minicoopa

1

Fleece

How do you not let the stuff ex-boyfriends did to you affect your current relationship? I'm finding it hard. :frown:

identical problem... new bf = perfect. Still worried theere will be a repeat of the ex. And it's difficult to explain because it's as though you are comparing them... :frown:

Reply 15

Vicki123

Fleece

Just, like trust issues, or I dunno, it's complicated. Basically every boyfriend I've had in the past has screwed me over and it's almost like i'm waiting for it to happen again. I know he's completely different, but it still makes it hard.

yeah thats happened with me aswell.i found it hard to sorta trust my present boyfriend at first. what i'd say is give it some time, and tell your new bf whats happened to u in teh past so he can understand. hopefully, ur new bf wont give u the need to mistrust. only time will tell i guess!

Reply 16

Sticky

Fleece

How do you not let the stuff ex-boyfriends did to you affect your current relationship? I'm finding it hard. :frown:

As long as you go for the same guys and don't find what you initially thought was attractive about your exes, unattractive, then you'll always be attracted to the same type and history will repeat itself.

To avoid the same kind of guy, it's more about you changing who you are, rather than just avoiding the types you are naturally attracted to (it's a bit sad to avoid guys you find attractive).

Reply 17

Fleece

OP

15

I don't think I should have to change anything about myself...

Everything I've found attractive about my exes has been different so that's not really an issue.

Thanks to everyone who replied...

I was a bit drunk so I think that brought all the worry out....I should be ok...I dunno.

Ex boyfriends...

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