I'm really bad at complimenting people

For some reason I seldom praise or compliment people If I'm truthful I think it's because I worry they will think they are better than me if I do. If a girl is particularly pretty I find it hard to tell them that. I want to start being more nice to people and complimentary. But it just makes me feel vulnrable and stupid. When I've had a few drinks Im the most friendly, complimentary person in the world. I enjoy being like that and I think its important to big up my friends and make them feel good about themselves, but for some reason I can't. Any ideas or advice?

Reply 1

generalebriety

16

Practice? It's a habit you want to break... and there's only one way to break a habit.

Reply 2

Cano234

Agreed, do they compliment you? Complimenting someone can make there day and it only takes a secound, so think of how you will be making them feel when you do it, that should make you happy and make you want to do it more often. And i have also noticed that the more you compliment other people the more you get compliments, starting a cycle of happyness lol *Sounds cheesey but i think its right* lol

Reply 3

generalebriety

16

Cano234

Agreed, do they compliment you? Complimenting someone can make there day and it only takes a secound, so think of how you will be making them feel when you do it, that should make you happy and make you want to do it more often. And i have also noticed that the more you compliment other people the more you get compliments, starting a cycle of happyness lol *Sounds cheesey but i think its right* lol

Wow, you make it sound so incredibly false. :love:

Reply 4

Anonymous #2

Try using qualifiers like 'quite' or 'fairly'. As in "you're... quite intelligent" or "you're... fairly attractive"

Reply 5

Anonymous #3

Just don't do it then, unless one springs naturally to mind. Compliments should be spontaneous and honest, not some routine social obligation. Also think about who you're talking to. Telling someone they're 'nice' can really wound their self-esteem.

Reply 6

huli

1

Anonymous

Telling someone they're 'nice' can really wound their self-esteem.

esp guys! I said it to a guy once and he was mortally offended.......what I really wanted to tell him though was that he was the biggest tosser ever created, so I think I did quite well with "nice" :biggrin:

Reply 7

*titanium*

12

Anonymous

Try using qualifiers like 'quite' or 'fairly'. As in "you're... quite intelligent" or "you're... fairly attractive"

Whats the point of this? why compliment someone and then take it away from them? you will seem so up yourself! your quite attractive but not half as attractive as i am.

If you dont think of complimenting someone, either there is nothing to compliment them on or your just not thinking about doing it. If you think of it but dont do it, then you are either shy or more probable since oyu pretty much said this, your scared. You feel inadequate because you are not getting compliments so it makes you think you are not as good as them.

When i compliment people i have had a few occasons where the perosn i complimented has complimented me back on something, ti always sounds so fake and liek they are just saying it because you said it, so you should not expect people to compliment you in return for the sake of it.

How often do you hear others compliment each other? not very much! We are quick ot critisize but few people compliment, its only natural that you do not get many, i dont get complimented every day, far from it and those that i get are ussualy limited to 'nice shirt'

If oyu really want yo 'hit home' with your compliments then try and compliment a quality of the person, if you tell someone 'nice shirt' then they feel reassured that their shirt is indeed nice. If you tell them "wow thats a real nice shirt, you got a great fashion sense' you are complimenting a quality with in them and it makes them feel good, which also has the knock on effect of them associating that feeling with you.

Reply 8

*titanium*

12

huli

esp guys! I said it to a guy once and he was mortally offended.......what I really wanted to tell him though was that he was the biggest tosser ever created, so I think I did quite well with "nice" :biggrin:

If you want to hurt a guy dont just call him nice, that can be interprated as a positive thing, you have to say "your such a nice guy" :biggrin:

only works if a girl says it. You could even throw in the 'like a brother..." line

Reply 9

Profesh

20

I seldom compliment. Consequently, those few that I do deem fit to furnish are rendered all the more poignant; because it militates against the perception of my flattering for the sake of blandishment; as a matter of course, rather than to pass comment on something genuinely remarkable (which is more my usual preserve).

Reply 10

Hana_1987

1

it makes my day sometimes..when ive put in the effort and someone notices or if i'm having a **** day and someone says something really nice that cheers me up. the other day at work i had straightened my hair, put on a fair bit of make-up and wore accessories, and someone said to me "oh you look nice today, are you going out later?" and i went "no..it's just lisa's leaving thing so i thought i'd make an effort..why, do i normally look ****e?" ..him "you should take it as a compliment"..me: "what, that i normally look ****e? thanks Jay"..him: "eeeeerr *incoherent mumbling and embarrassment*"..i was only messing with him cos i know i look crap most of the time..it was fun! :biggrin:

but don't do it loads as it may come across as false, but do do it cos it makes people feel good sometimes :biggrin:

and be careful of the choice of words..someone up there said "fairly attractive" and "quite intelligent"..if i was in a bad mood that might make me feel worse cos then i'd be "what?! so im *just ok*..im not better?! :O or maybe that's just me!

Reply 11

Hana_1987

1

oh dear god never call a guy nice! they hate it..i made the mistake of doing it once..never again! they give u a weird kinda look like *oh, right..thanks* :frown:

and dear God profresh! it took me a few minutes to decifer your language! wish i could think and speak like that :frown:

rather than using babyish words

Reply 12

*titanium*

12

Hana_1987

oh dear god never call a guy nice! they hate it..i made the mistake of doing it once..never again! they give u a weird kinda look like *oh, right..thanks* :frown:

I like it too a change from, "you sure think a lot of yourself dont you" :p:

Reply 13

Cano234

Hana_1987

oh dear god never call a guy nice! they hate it..i made the mistake of doing it once..never again! they give u a weird kinda look like *oh, right..thanks* :frown:

and dear God profresh! it took me a few minutes to decifer your language! wish i could think and speak like that :frown:

rather than using babyish words

Yer i dont really like hearing a girl that im interested in saying im Nice lol, kind of means your deffinaterly stuck in the friends zone.

Reply 14

Cano234

generalebriety

Wow, you make it sound so incredibly false. :love:

lol cos some of the time it is, but hey if it brightens up there day why not :smile:

Reply 15

Hana_1987

1

or say "oh you're so sweet"..some words go down like a lead balloon..i think someone needs to duck tape my mouth closed sometimes! me thinks we should write a book "things to say and not say to a girl/boy" hehe

Reply 16

Anonymous #1

OP

Actually I get complimented a lot. On a daily basis. I don't care for it much when guys do it but when girls do it it really makes me feel good. I want to make my girl friends feel good by complimenting them back. There is good things about them that I think of but i feel no need to say it. I just feels false and forced. I talk them up behind their back all the time. If I'm speaking to someone about my friends I'll constantly be saying 'she's so fit/so friendly/so funny' but to their faces I find it akward. Sometimes people don't react to compliments well, for ages I would just ignore what someone had said if they complimented me. Nowadays however I enjoy compliments from my girl friends and feel bad I never give them the same attention in that way.

Reply 17

iceman_jondoe

18

I'm really bad at complimenting people

Related discussions

Articles for you