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relationship problems

in a long term relationship but lately we just keep arguing :frown: I'm being bullied at work and I am really not coping, like I am vomitting at work regularly from the stress and I have had several panic attacks, I am really depressed and finding it very hard to cope, I used to have an eating disorder and self harm problems and having felt I was 100% recovered from both I now find myself having to constantly fight the urge...

he says I am grumpy all the time and snap at him, I feel like I just need him to not keep doing things that wind me up at the moment when I'm so stressed... I feel like I come home from work and I am constantly waiting on him (like literally waiting, we'll be talking about what to do that evening and between every sentence he will ignore me for a minute while he does whatever he is doing, and then when we decide I have to wait around for 10 minutes while he 'finishes off') and running around after him (he is so disorganised, wont cook, never washes up, never buys food etc) and I know I am being a bit snappy but I feel like I tell him ALL the time about these things and right now I really don't want to be sat around for 10 minutes waiting because without something to do I end up ruminating and feeling ****ty and after a horrible day at work I don't want to have to go and check that he will have something to eat for dinner in case he didn't bother going shopping and then go with him to the shops to get stuff when I literally offered to pick something up 2 days ago and he refused

I know I should just stop doing these things for him and I should have some self control about snapping at him but for the first one I just feel so guilty when he then ends up eating crisps for dinner or something and it's hard for me to eat alone at the moment as well and if I don't wash up I have nothing to eat off... and I feel really resentful of him, I know this is something that's been going on for ages (bullying at work) and he's bored of hearing about it but I feel like he just doesn't want to know and thinks I just need to suck it up when actually what I need is some support and I feel like any time I need to talk he clearly isn't interested and just keeps making insensitive comments (e.g. telling me to stop making mistakes at work jokingly as most of the bullying is centred around false accusations and exaggerations but by this point I am starting to feel I must be bad at my job...or telling me to stop being lazy when I am already struggling to eat enough) I think he probably doesn't realise how bad I feel but that is because he doesn't really give me any opportunity to tell him :frown: I try and do nice things for him regularly (little things like buying him some chocolates or going to do one of his hobbies or giving him a backrub) and I feel like he's got complacent and given up on doing anything like that and at first he said it was cos he already gives so much in emotional support but now I feel like he's got bored of the emotional support as well
I think this guy not only is ungrateful but also very selfish and self-centered. You should take a moment for yourself in a day and think: Does he really make you happy? Do you feel loved, supported and appreciated? Did this happen ever since you started dating?
He sounds really selfish and insensitive, you are clearly going through a hard time yet he seems so unsupportive. Have a serious talk with him and tell him either he shows you a bit more compassion and helps you more, because otherwise I would question whether he deserves to still be with you. Have you spoken to your boss at work about the bullying?
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Original post by Anamaria93
I think this guy not only is ungrateful but also very selfish and self-centered. You should take a moment for yourself in a day and think: Does he really make you happy? Do you feel loved, supported and appreciated? Did this happen ever since you started dating?



Original post by Rock Fan
He sounds really selfish and insensitive, you are clearly going through a hard time yet he seems so unsupportive. Have a serious talk with him and tell him either he shows you a bit more compassion and helps you more, because otherwise I would question whether he deserves to still be with you. Have you spoken to your boss at work about the bullying?


I dont think he's nasty or selfish or anything and he has been, and still occasionally is, extremely supportive ...I think after 4 years he's just got a bit complacent and sick of me constantly having problems, he feels like I'm not dealing with the situation properly because when something stresses him he just ignores it and keeps busy and since this isn't a situation either of us can fix he thinks I just need to learn to ignore it... I've followed the company grievance procedure as far as it goes but everyone has closed ranks and accused me of being bad at my job and trying to cover it up by picking on my colleague and unfortunately due to the nature of my job no one else witnesses what happens so they tell me I have no evidence for what I say happens

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