Having Kids Outside Of Marriage Watch

AllyTee
Badges: 0
Rep:
?
#1
Report Thread starter 4 years ago
#1
Maybe I'm just being too old-fashioned/conservative here, but why do some people choose to have kids outside of marriage? (I don't mean accidentally getting pregnant and then choosing not to have an abortion/bring the baby up). Sure, some long-term relationships are quite stable and practically marriages anyway, but they don't have the same financial/legal implications. And, for every Angelina-Brad Pitt type relationship, there's probably 5 more where the parents will break up in 5 years, tops. It leads to unstable "families" and kids not being brought up the way kids should. It seems utterly selfish to me.

And why do some single mums choose to have kids? (In b4 benefits). I know some single mums are amazing, of course, but kids aren't toys, and every child needs a father as well as a mother. IIRC, most male criminals are brought up in fatherless families. And girls as well as boys benefit from having a stable father figure around, rather than their mother's latest boyfriend of the week.

Surely marriage provides the most stable foundation possible for bringing up a kid? Obviously, not all marriages are perfect and people do get divorced after having kids, but that isn't necessarily a fault with the institution of marriage per se - it means, rather, that people need to think before just rushing into marriage or popping out babies.

Also, can we not turn this into TSR's billionth debate about feminism.
2
reply
PythianLegume
Badges: 15
Rep:
?
#2
Report 4 years ago
#2
I don't really think that marriage these days is any more of a barrier to the split of a long-term relationship. Divorce is so commonplace nowadays that the only difference between marriage and long-term commitment is a few tax and inheritance technicalities.

I certainly don't think the fact that my parents aren't married has affected me at all.
0
reply
Samelam
Badges: 9
Rep:
?
#3
Report 4 years ago
#3
Is there some sort of statistic that shows that a couple are less likely to split if they are married?

I think the majority of women who chose to have a child without a father figure know that it isn't a decisions to be taken lightly. Of course there are a few women who do see babies as fashion accessories but that's certainly not the majority of single mums. I think you're generalising a lot, my partner grew up without a dad in his life and he has never felt that he needed a father figure.
0
reply
AllyTee
Badges: 0
Rep:
?
#4
Report Thread starter 4 years ago
#4
(Original post by saumya134)
Some mothers don't want to allow their children to go through the dreadful process of Divorce. Marriage requires you to throw a good party and basically celebrate you are married and if it doesnt work out what happens? Obviously Marriage is very traditional and brings out the traditional roles within each parent. Every family needs a father figure and a mother figure but a father and mother is not determined by marriage uno. Obviously some children are accidents and no one can help that and you can't give up on the child cos it is your child at the end of the day. " most male criminals are brought up in fatherless families" <<<< No. It depends on the society you are brought up in just cos they dont have a father it doesn't contribute to what they do in the future.
CBA to get the exact statistic, but look at the stats generally:

http://thefatherlessgeneration.wordp...om/statistics/

http://fatherhood.about.com/od/fathe...s_children.htm
0
reply
lucaf
Badges: 13
Rep:
?
#5
Report 4 years ago
#5
Not sure how a long term relationship is any more stable just because you got a certificate for it, especially considering half of marriages end on divorce anyway.
0
reply
AllyTee
Badges: 0
Rep:
?
#6
Report Thread starter 4 years ago
#6
(Original post by saumya134)
Those websites are so biased lol.
Do you have any "unbiased" statistics that disagree?
0
reply
anonymouspie227
Badges: 18
#7
Report 4 years ago
#7
Err just because you're married doesn't mean you're better than a single parent family.
Married couples can mess up their children easily. Especially the ones who stay together 'for the kids' but argue all the time and create a toxic environment at home.

Also dads aren't always that great.
I lived with my mum for years without my dad and things were great.
reply
AllyTee
Badges: 0
Rep:
?
#8
Report Thread starter 4 years ago
#8
(Original post by saumya134)
You are on the Internet you realise that. Its difficult to find unbiased opinions js but see if this works for you: http://www.nownys.org/docs/fatherlessness%20article.pdf
So what's your point? Then there would be things that are biased both ways. Also, things like peer-reviewed papers, say, tend to have more credibility than bogus articles on MRA sites.

Also, the article you posted didn't "debunk" the stats on juvenile delinquency at all...

DEBUNKING FATHERLESSNESS: JUVENILE DELINQUENCY AND JUVENILE CRIME
Myth -- Juvenile delinquency is caused by "fatherlessness."
Fact: "Studies have shown repeatedly a consistent relationship between juvenile delinquency and large
family size, marital disharmony, alcohol abuse in parents and overall social deprivation. A consistent
relationship has also been shown with delayed reading age, below average scores on intelligence and
achievement tests, conduct disorder of childhood and parental aggressive behaviour."
[Kelly, Mary, Bernadette Mackey, and Michael Fitzgerald, A TEN-YEAR DESCRIPTIVE FOLLOW-UP STUDY
OF 50 DELINQUENT BOYS, British Journal of Clinical and Social Psychiatry,April 1999, Vol. 10 (1999) , no.1
http://www.scpnet.com/paper4.htm]

^ tl;dr - It merely shows that there's also a connection between juvenile delinquency and other things - but obviously more than one thing can increase the risk of it.

Same for the one on incarceration. They don't disprove any positive link between single parents and adult incarceration, merely point out other factors (like having a parent who's incarcerated) that also contribute to it.
0
reply
DiddyDec
Badges: 3
Rep:
?
#9
Report 4 years ago
#9
Marriages are no more stable than a long term relationship.

Posted from TSR Mobile
0
reply
PythianLegume
Badges: 15
Rep:
?
#10
Report 4 years ago
#10
(Original post by saumya134)
Oh praise the lord. fgs get over yourself and go live in your hippy fairyland where everyone has the perfect family and theres no crimes cos everyone has fathers. lol just shut up will you. You said most criminals are only criminals cos they don't have fathers so just to please you I found a random article to occupy you and it clearly says "MYTH -- Juvenile delinquency is caused by "fatherlessness." you just offend everyone.
She said that most male criminal were fatherless, not that fatherlessness causes criminal behaviour. Stop getting upset about this -just because fatherlessness may increase the likelihood of criminality, doesn't mean that she's insulting people without fathers. It should upset you no more than the fact most criminals are men upsets me. It's just a statistic, it means nothing for the individual.
1
reply
JuliusSeizure
Badges: 12
Rep:
?
#11
Report 4 years ago
#11
Haram

Posted from TSR Mobile
0
reply
Mackay
  • Community Assistant
Badges: 17
Rep:
?
#12
Report 4 years ago
#12
Almost half of marriages end in divorce anyway.
0
reply
X

Quick Reply

Attached files
Write a reply...
Reply
new posts
Latest
My Feed

See more of what you like on
The Student Room

You can personalise what you see on TSR. Tell us a little about yourself to get started.

Personalise

Where do you need more help?

Which Uni should I go to? (149)
18.58%
How successful will I become if I take my planned subjects? (79)
9.85%
How happy will I be if I take this career? (136)
16.96%
How do I achieve my dream Uni placement? (114)
14.21%
What should I study to achieve my dream career? (78)
9.73%
How can I be the best version of myself? (246)
30.67%

Watched Threads

View All