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Changing for someone else..
Is the most stupid thing to do ever, I know..and if any of my own friends came to me with this problem I know exactly what I'd say, that he's not worth it and to walk away..but I don't know if I can. I don't even know what I'm going to gain from posting this, I think I just need some reinforcement.
To cut a long story short, I've been "seeing" a guy for nearly 2+1/2 years now..the relationship is far from perfect and flawed in many ways, which will take too long to go into. Although we're not officially together its been pretty much exclusive the whole time..however, during a conversation the other day he enlightened me to the fact that we wont ever be bf/gf unless I was taller (im 5"2 and awaiting scoliosis surgery, so he knows theres a chance of slight height growth) and had bigger boobs(therfore implying the fact he wants me 2 get a boob job)...which is ridiculous right? and if he really loved me like he says that stuff wouldnt matter. Now normally this kind of thing wouldn't get to me...and I'd just leave him, but right now he's all I've got..and am seriously considering a boob job right now..which is also ridiculous I know.
I just need some kind of feeback because right now I feel awful,and have developed insecurities I never really had before from the guy I love...
(Wow..this is way too long. Apologies)
To cut a long story short, I've been "seeing" a guy for nearly 2+1/2 years now..the relationship is far from perfect and flawed in many ways, which will take too long to go into. Although we're not officially together its been pretty much exclusive the whole time..however, during a conversation the other day he enlightened me to the fact that we wont ever be bf/gf unless I was taller (im 5"2 and awaiting scoliosis surgery, so he knows theres a chance of slight height growth) and had bigger boobs(therfore implying the fact he wants me 2 get a boob job)...which is ridiculous right? and if he really loved me like he says that stuff wouldnt matter. Now normally this kind of thing wouldn't get to me...and I'd just leave him, but right now he's all I've got..and am seriously considering a boob job right now..which is also ridiculous I know.
I just need some kind of feeback because right now I feel awful,and have developed insecurities I never really had before from the guy I love...
(Wow..this is way too long. Apologies)
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you must feel so low right now, but honestly it is him with the problem not you. he is clearly shallow, and you should not let this make you feel anything less than perfect. millions of men prefer petite women so you should never feel insecure about your size and millions of men want a girlfriend for them completely rather than just for height and breasts. you are some1s perfect match, clearly not this guys, and you would be shortchanging yourself to either change or stay with him.
You're right its not worth it...and its a completely ridiculous situation but I just dont know how to walk away from the only person that I really care about..I just feel like without him I'll have no-one..theres so much going on in my life atm, I just dont think I can do it by myself..
although i totally disagree with the boob thing, its at least remotely understandle(KIND OF, but really not), but the HEIGHT?!, he wants you to get taller?!?! we all have our preferences but making outrageous demands like that is actually INSANE, the only thing more insane would be if you actually got the boob/height job done!!
I think hes basically telling you he doesn't want to be with you, if he did he really wouldn't care about all that, forget about that ******
I think hes basically telling you he doesn't want to be with you, if he did he really wouldn't care about all that, forget about that ******
its a very hard choice, but deep down you know its teh right one, and teh only one that can result in you being happy, you'll have to go through this sh*t only then can you become stronger and find some1 who deserves you
So what if you get a boob job and do surgery loads to get yourself to 5'5'' or whatever, marry, then you're 35 and cus he no longer finds you attractive and divorces you? He's shallow and doesn't love you and to do such permenant things to your body for such a shallow guy who couldn't care less about you is stupid and foolish. Be happy with who you are - don't do surgery. Just be happy with who you are. I mean, I'm 5'1'' and my bf would've naturally gone for a tall girl - but he went for me and he knows I'm not getting any taller and he doesn't want me to change. In fact, apparently I'm the perfect size for cuddling lol. There's nothing wrong with being short.
Don't let him make you feel so inadequate. A man who loves you should never make you feel like this. A friend who's worth keeping wouldn't make you feel like this, let alone a man who claims to love you!
And you've been together for 2 and a half years and yet you've never been official? Don't you see what he's doing here? He's getting his cake and eating it. He's getting a girl to boost his confidence, he's getting the sex and the attention and he's not making any commitments so as soon as he wants to, he can just leg it cus you were "never official and he was never your boyfriend". This guy is blatantly using you. Don't let him get away with this - break up with him. What, I'm not good enough for you? Who are you - God? What makes you think you're good enough for me? Dump him before he hurts you anymore to the point where he's got your confidence down so low that you can't leave him.
Don't let him make you feel so inadequate. A man who loves you should never make you feel like this. A friend who's worth keeping wouldn't make you feel like this, let alone a man who claims to love you!
And you've been together for 2 and a half years and yet you've never been official? Don't you see what he's doing here? He's getting his cake and eating it. He's getting a girl to boost his confidence, he's getting the sex and the attention and he's not making any commitments so as soon as he wants to, he can just leg it cus you were "never official and he was never your boyfriend". This guy is blatantly using you. Don't let him get away with this - break up with him. What, I'm not good enough for you? Who are you - God? What makes you think you're good enough for me? Dump him before he hurts you anymore to the point where he's got your confidence down so low that you can't leave him.
Yeah the height thing sounds stupid, but its just because Im having this operation, I'll gain like 4inches in height..so he's basically saying, "hey after your operation get a boob job +everything will be just great.."
Men!
Men!and there goes my anonymity...lol.
okay before even reading your post!
BAD IDEA!!
dont change yourself for anyone!! and i mean anyone because sooner or later they will leave, either them dumping you, passing away (sad i know but sorry i want to make my point) or any other reason, i mean you certainly dont need to change yourself for a person who loves you!! NEVER
i can tell you this from experiance, dont do it! its silly and pointless!
BAD IDEA!!
dont change yourself for anyone!! and i mean anyone because sooner or later they will leave, either them dumping you, passing away (sad i know but sorry i want to make my point) or any other reason, i mean you certainly dont need to change yourself for a person who loves you!! NEVER
i can tell you this from experiance, dont do it! its silly and pointless!
Anonymous
You're right its not worth it...and its a completely ridiculous situation but I just dont know how to walk away from the only person that I really care about..I just feel like without him I'll have no-one..theres so much going on in my life atm, I just dont think I can do it by myself..
You seem to have this irrational idea that this guy is actually good for you and that he is there to support you. Well, get that stupid thought out of your head cus he isn't. This man is using you and he is taking your confidence away from you so that you will rely on him all the more and can never leave him. This is a control game. He wants to control you. He wants to change you into something you are not. He is NOT there to love you. He is NOT there to support you. You feel alone right now? Your life is a mess right now? Staying with this guy will give you the false idea - the illusion that you love so much - of being secure and loved, of having someone, all the while the reality is he is destroying you. Your life is a mess right now and breaking up with him will improve your life. It may not feel like it at first but in the long run, leaving him will be the one thing in your life that will be sorted and will be ok, finally. The more you get into the illusion that apparently he is there to support you, the more dependent you become and the more he can use you and destroy your confidence until the time comes that you find yourself really unable to leave him.
You are not by yourself. There's always your family or at least one friend, right? This guy is not here for you - he does NOT care about you. He doesn't give a sh*t about you. He wants your boobs and for you to look good in public so he can brag. He doesn't give a damn about you and he wants you to think he does so you'll stay put, then that way he gets his cake and he gets to eat it too. Break up with him. Even while you're with him, you're still alone cus he was never there for you since he never cared. Any care he showed has been fake.
Sorry for using very harsh language but I just wanted to hit it home. Seriously, this guy is not doing you any good. You need to get out while you can before he shatters all your confidence.
get rid of him. He is clearly up his own rear end
I know you're all right..and these were the responses I wanted..I just wish it could be easier to leave!
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