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How do I handle my housemate?
I'm posting anonymous because she could quite easily see this and I'd rather she didn't!
Right so last year I lived in Halls, I lived with the people that I'm going to be living with this year, then. Complications are already starting to come up though:
1. Last year, we payed rent which was inclusive of bills, this year we don't. Now, the actual rent we pay seperately and is not aproblem. However, the water bill has to be paid preferably in one cheque. I've got a few money problems at the moment, but I can afford my share. What I can't afford is to pay someone elses share, even if theres an hour overlap in when the cash leaves my account to when it comes in. I've explained this to my housemate, and have explained that I'll be paying the water bill on Saturday (I have to go down there, it has to be paid, theres not a problem). She's told me she'll transfer money on Friday. Now, call me a bit petty here, but there is the SLIGHTEST chance of money leaving myaccount before hers gets there. She won't listen though, its as though I'mtalking to a brick wall. And I know she doesn't have cash flow problems, she just likes to have a "buffer" of about £150 in her account (Bill is for 50!!). What if she does this laterin the year?? How do you deal with this?
2. She has a boyfriend, who lives away. He visits every weekend. They talk daily (and for hours) every day. We'll be having a phone "deal" that is unlimited calls on the weekend. And I mentioned to her that we'd have to work out a bit of a rota for the phone, because unlike last year we won't have our own lines. She got abit funny about this and said "well my boyfriend will be down on theweekends so i won't be using it much". I likespeaking to my mum most days, and so I'llbe wanting to use the phone midweek too. How do I sort this? Becauseagain, she takes little notice and gets offended easily.
3. Cleaning. Is it a good idea to make a rota? She's a lazy slob, but will frequently come out with "I'm the cleanest of all of us" - last year we had some very messy flatmates, which I tended to clear up after, and I got branded one of the filthy ones.
I'm really stressing over living with her, this is the WORST decision I have ever made. She has absolutely no insight into most things,and is the most tight fisted person going! Can anyone offer mesome advice, PLEASE?!
Sorry for the length of this..
Right so last year I lived in Halls, I lived with the people that I'm going to be living with this year, then. Complications are already starting to come up though:
1. Last year, we payed rent which was inclusive of bills, this year we don't. Now, the actual rent we pay seperately and is not aproblem. However, the water bill has to be paid preferably in one cheque. I've got a few money problems at the moment, but I can afford my share. What I can't afford is to pay someone elses share, even if theres an hour overlap in when the cash leaves my account to when it comes in. I've explained this to my housemate, and have explained that I'll be paying the water bill on Saturday (I have to go down there, it has to be paid, theres not a problem). She's told me she'll transfer money on Friday. Now, call me a bit petty here, but there is the SLIGHTEST chance of money leaving myaccount before hers gets there. She won't listen though, its as though I'mtalking to a brick wall. And I know she doesn't have cash flow problems, she just likes to have a "buffer" of about £150 in her account (Bill is for 50!!). What if she does this laterin the year?? How do you deal with this?
2. She has a boyfriend, who lives away. He visits every weekend. They talk daily (and for hours) every day. We'll be having a phone "deal" that is unlimited calls on the weekend. And I mentioned to her that we'd have to work out a bit of a rota for the phone, because unlike last year we won't have our own lines. She got abit funny about this and said "well my boyfriend will be down on theweekends so i won't be using it much". I likespeaking to my mum most days, and so I'llbe wanting to use the phone midweek too. How do I sort this? Becauseagain, she takes little notice and gets offended easily.
3. Cleaning. Is it a good idea to make a rota? She's a lazy slob, but will frequently come out with "I'm the cleanest of all of us" - last year we had some very messy flatmates, which I tended to clear up after, and I got branded one of the filthy ones.
I'm really stressing over living with her, this is the WORST decision I have ever made. She has absolutely no insight into most things,and is the most tight fisted person going! Can anyone offer mesome advice, PLEASE?!
Sorry for the length of this..
Scroll to see replies
Reply 1
Just a quick question, but is it just you and her living together?
Reply 2
You have no way around it except not to live with her. You can try dealing with the issues one by one, but she will probably just get offended and carry on as she is.
Reply 3
Kill her.
Or don't live with her. See if she can pay the bills and run the place on her own while you go and live with someone else, teach the stupid bitch a lesson.
Or don't live with her. See if she can pay the bills and run the place on her own while you go and live with someone else, teach the stupid bitch a lesson.
Reply 4
It's me, her and another boy. The boys fine, and doesn't have aproblem with anyone or anything really. And I have no choice, contracts are signed and well, it'd be a bit difficult moving out now. Don't get me wrong, I do think highly of her, but she's just so selfish and difficult sometimes. Also, she has no other friends AT all. Which is why I'm considering taking a year out next year to work, so that I have an excuse to not live with her, but still keep in touch. Ohhh stress...
Reply 5
You shouldn;t have to pay for everyone else, she sounds like a right selfish cow, just refuse to pay her part i would.
Reply 6
u have to speak to her. Have a chat with your other housemate and see if the both of you cant sit down with this girl and have a serious conversation. Explain to her that u have these concerns and that your worried that if she continues to behave and act the way she does that living conditions will become very strained and that could jepodise your friendship. If she doesnt have any other friends then surely if u hint that her habits are threatening your friendship she would listen? U have to be extremely firm. Im sorry i cant help you further.
Reply 7
With a pair of tongs and protective gloves...
I'll begin with the cleaning issue. In my second year it initially used to bug me that I did a disproportionate amount of dishes. But I learnt to relax about it. Do a little more than the others if that's what it takes to have a clean house, and once in a while offer a gentle prod to another flatmate to do the cleaning if you can't be bothered and it's more convenient for them. As long as you are flexible this should not irritate you so much. And you may consider letting dishes pile up every so often. That way either your flatmate rolls up her sleeves and does the job, or moans at you, in which case you can justifiably retort that you always do them and want someone else to lend a hand for a change.
Re the water bill, take a no-nonsense approach. Money is not a matter you can arse around with. Explain that the bill must be paid, that you need her share of it immediately, and that you won't back down. This way she won't muck you around in future.
And re the phone, one suggestion is get your call in first! Otherwise, I don't believe a rota is necessary, but suggest a time limit on any one call made by one of you, with the reason that others may need the phone. Here you and your male flatmate may be able to outvote her.
Re the water bill, take a no-nonsense approach. Money is not a matter you can arse around with. Explain that the bill must be paid, that you need her share of it immediately, and that you won't back down. This way she won't muck you around in future.
And re the phone, one suggestion is get your call in first! Otherwise, I don't believe a rota is necessary, but suggest a time limit on any one call made by one of you, with the reason that others may need the phone. Here you and your male flatmate may be able to outvote her.
Reply 11
me and my flatmates have setup a bank account just for bills, where we're all putting in 100quid at the start, then 5quid p/week therafter, that way its all fair, and theres also a bill buffer ...
in terms of phone usage, true, some people might use it more than others, but then again, if its a major problem, the other 4 of us will have a little chat over the other ones' usage.
I cant stress how important it is to chose who you live with at uni (when you move into a shared house) - little problems can become big ones really quickly. You need to have a chat to your housemate, and say you're unable to do this whole bill thing, and she needs to pay up, pure and simple ...
i know its hard, but it has to be done ...
in terms of phone usage, true, some people might use it more than others, but then again, if its a major problem, the other 4 of us will have a little chat over the other ones' usage.
I cant stress how important it is to chose who you live with at uni (when you move into a shared house) - little problems can become big ones really quickly. You need to have a chat to your housemate, and say you're unable to do this whole bill thing, and she needs to pay up, pure and simple ...
i know its hard, but it has to be done ...
1. Are we talking the Friday before the saturday? Is she transferring by cheque or direct methods? Generally, as far as I know, banks opperate with a degree of common sense, if they see things coming in and going out at the same time, they don't put up too much on an issue. Besides which, cheques take a few days to clear, transfers are quicker. If you pre-inform the bank then there's even less issue. Still, if she can't deal with sorting things out quicker, suggest that she handles paying the actual bill, and everyone pay her. i.e. inflict the responsibility on her... though whether you would trust her with it is another question.
2. In all the houses I've shared with, the phone bill has been gone through when it has come in, and everyone pays for the calls that they made. The alternative is that everyone writes down what they called and when they called. There's no other way that actually works.
3. Rotas suck ass. In my houses I've lived with no rota (didn't work first time round, due to useless housemates... worked in my second house a real treat, but everyone there was the sort that just mucked in and got things done). The system in my current house is also pretty good. Rather than have an explicit rota, there is a sheet on the wall with the list of jobs that needs doing. When you do one, you initial that you did it. It quickly becomes apparent who is doing stuff, and who isn't. It's the cleanest house i've lived in. In my experience, boys are better at keeping a clean house, which goes a bit against the stereotypes....
2. In all the houses I've shared with, the phone bill has been gone through when it has come in, and everyone pays for the calls that they made. The alternative is that everyone writes down what they called and when they called. There's no other way that actually works.
3. Rotas suck ass. In my houses I've lived with no rota (didn't work first time round, due to useless housemates... worked in my second house a real treat, but everyone there was the sort that just mucked in and got things done). The system in my current house is also pretty good. Rather than have an explicit rota, there is a sheet on the wall with the list of jobs that needs doing. When you do one, you initial that you did it. It quickly becomes apparent who is doing stuff, and who isn't. It's the cleanest house i've lived in. In my experience, boys are better at keeping a clean house, which goes a bit against the stereotypes....
Reply 13
you've got two options.
1) shove her in a mincer, or
2) just talker to her, and if she can't be bothered to comply, tell her you cant be bothered to go down and pay the bills! see how she likes not having a phone and running water!
1) shove her in a mincer, or
2) just talker to her, and if she can't be bothered to comply, tell her you cant be bothered to go down and pay the bills! see how she likes not having a phone and running water!
Reply 14
If your accomodation agreement is anything like mine, she will/should have signed a contract to say that she would pay her share of rent, bills, etc. If she doesn't, take it up with the landlord.
With the cleaning issue in halls we just cleaned up after oursleves, if we want to live in a mess we keep our mess to our own space i.e. our own rooms. The communal kitchen, bathrooms and common room, if we didn't clean up our stuff no one else did, which is perfectly fair and gets the message through cos those who didn't clean up their own stuff ran out of clean plates etc, very quickly and so had to wash up.
With the cleaning issue in halls we just cleaned up after oursleves, if we want to live in a mess we keep our mess to our own space i.e. our own rooms. The communal kitchen, bathrooms and common room, if we didn't clean up our stuff no one else did, which is perfectly fair and gets the message through cos those who didn't clean up their own stuff ran out of clean plates etc, very quickly and so had to wash up.
Reply 15
She sounds like a right terror.
greenmuzz
Rather than have an explicit rota, there is a sheet on the wall with the list of jobs that needs doing. When you do one, you initial that you did it. It quickly becomes apparent who is doing stuff, and who isn't. It's the cleanest house i've lived in.
What an intriguing idea! Fantastic, I must remember that incase I ever have flatmates again.
greenmuzz
In my experience, boys are better at keeping a clean house, which goes a bit against the stereotypes....
Thank you! Completely agree. Everyone I know who's ever had flatmates say that the females can be useless.
1: Bills
When I moved in together with friends for my 2nd year, the letting agent asked us to set up a joint account so that they could take out the rent from one account. We also used this to pay bills.
What I would do is set up a direct debits for bills from a joint account and make sure you all get internet banking. As soon as the bill comes through, pay it via internet. Nice and easy and no hassle of going to pay the bills.
What I did last year was slightly different because one of my housemates took charge of the bills and paid them using the joint account. We would then pay our shares in. It's probably better to put your share in before it gets paid otherwise you'll always be overdrawn until you pay it. Although since it's a joint account, at least you won't be personally out of pocket. You could put a float in but that may cause problems in the end..Worth a think though.
2: Phone
As far as bills go, if she is going to be using it for hours on end during the week, the bill will probably consist of her calls. Make sure you don't agree to just split the bill in three - not at all fair if she is making the majority of the calls. Get a highlighter and highlight your calls and pay for your calls. In my house, we tended to just split the bill in 4 but this wasn't really a problem in my house as we rarely used the housephone - mainly for house things and take-aways! If any calls stuck out as expensive, the person who made the call paid extra. Makes sense.
For usage - why don't you set a time? Perhaps say that you would like to use the phone between 5 and 7pm and she can use it from 7 - 9pm? alternate days perhaps? just an idea.
3: Cleaning
If you lived in halls last year, you probably have your own cutlery, crockery etc, right? If she is going to make a problem, make sure you only use your own things and wash your own things. I know it sounds petty but even a rota doesn't work sometimes. I had one last year and sometimes people did take advantage of the fact that it wasn't their 'washing up day' and made a real mess.
It might be an idea to set up a rota for cleaning the lounge/kitchen/bathroom/any shared place though. I mean you only have to do it like once a week really so you'll only end up cleaning every 3rd week. Although you might not want to do all the cleaning in one go..hm..difficult one!
If people end up not cleaning, maybe (this is only really for kitchen/lounge though) get a box and just tell them that if it doesn't get cleaned, it'll just get put in a box. They get a certain number of days to do it. If they don't do it, it'll get chucked. I dunno..cleaning IS a difficult issue! Sorry can't help much on this one as cleaning wasn't really an issue in my house, appart from washing up! Was lucky enough to have a housemate that actually wanted to clean the bathroom herself.
Edit: greenmuzz's rota type thing sounds good! Perhaps it could be a case of "Look I've been doing all the cleaning for the past 2 weeks so I'm out 'til you've done the equivalent"
When I moved in together with friends for my 2nd year, the letting agent asked us to set up a joint account so that they could take out the rent from one account. We also used this to pay bills.
What I would do is set up a direct debits for bills from a joint account and make sure you all get internet banking. As soon as the bill comes through, pay it via internet. Nice and easy and no hassle of going to pay the bills.
What I did last year was slightly different because one of my housemates took charge of the bills and paid them using the joint account. We would then pay our shares in. It's probably better to put your share in before it gets paid otherwise you'll always be overdrawn until you pay it. Although since it's a joint account, at least you won't be personally out of pocket. You could put a float in but that may cause problems in the end..Worth a think though.
2: Phone
As far as bills go, if she is going to be using it for hours on end during the week, the bill will probably consist of her calls. Make sure you don't agree to just split the bill in three - not at all fair if she is making the majority of the calls. Get a highlighter and highlight your calls and pay for your calls. In my house, we tended to just split the bill in 4 but this wasn't really a problem in my house as we rarely used the housephone - mainly for house things and take-aways! If any calls stuck out as expensive, the person who made the call paid extra. Makes sense.
For usage - why don't you set a time? Perhaps say that you would like to use the phone between 5 and 7pm and she can use it from 7 - 9pm? alternate days perhaps? just an idea.
3: Cleaning
If you lived in halls last year, you probably have your own cutlery, crockery etc, right? If she is going to make a problem, make sure you only use your own things and wash your own things. I know it sounds petty but even a rota doesn't work sometimes. I had one last year and sometimes people did take advantage of the fact that it wasn't their 'washing up day' and made a real mess.
It might be an idea to set up a rota for cleaning the lounge/kitchen/bathroom/any shared place though. I mean you only have to do it like once a week really so you'll only end up cleaning every 3rd week. Although you might not want to do all the cleaning in one go..hm..difficult one!
If people end up not cleaning, maybe (this is only really for kitchen/lounge though) get a box and just tell them that if it doesn't get cleaned, it'll just get put in a box. They get a certain number of days to do it. If they don't do it, it'll get chucked. I dunno..cleaning IS a difficult issue! Sorry can't help much on this one as cleaning wasn't really an issue in my house, appart from washing up! Was lucky enough to have a housemate that actually wanted to clean the bathroom herself.
Edit: greenmuzz's rota type thing sounds good! Perhaps it could be a case of "Look I've been doing all the cleaning for the past 2 weeks so I'm out 'til you've done the equivalent"
Reply 18
greenmuzz
In my experience, boys are better at keeping a clean house, which goes a bit against the stereotypes....
Thats very interesting. I found myself doing a lot of cleaning for the boys in halls and i didn't even live on there floor, I just couldn't resist cleaning their kitchen while making a a coffee for my boyf, it was that bad.
Reply 19
with regards to the phone issue, do neither of you have a deal with free minutes, or free evening and weekends or whatever? I'm not saying you should always use your landline, but if she (or you) are using it, there is another way, and you don't need to make a rota or anything
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