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Difficult situation

I've seen a similar thread on here about pretty much the same thing, however my situation is complex and any advice/thoughts would be great.

I have been with my boyfriend for over 4 years, we have been engaged for 2 months. We own a house together, which we have had for 14 months and a dog.

I haven't been completely happy for a while, but put it down to men being men, however after seeing his parents argue and hate each other for the last 4 years it has dawned on me that that will be us in 5 years time.

We had an argument on Saturday and i told him that we are now different people, i.e a lot of the stuff he does annoys me and he doesn't appreciate that it annoys me, instead turns it into me bitching all the time. I declined a place at uni twice 3 years ago on the basis that i didn't want to leave him, but now in an okay job but want to go to uni finally. This would mean selling the house we own and me being a student again! He is not academic at all, and has no career goals any more.

I feel as if i love him, but i feel held back from the rest of my life by him and the house. I feel like i need to be selfish and now move on, but he tells me regularly i am his everything (He doesn't have a large group of friends, interests or an interesting job)

We essentially broke up on Saturday, but i agreed to work things out over the next 4 weeks. After talking to friends etc i have sort of naturally come to the decision that i want to end our relationship etc.

Am i being selfish, or at the age of 22yrs am i just being sensible by not accepting just being 'okay'?

Reply 1

hippieglitter

Never accept okay. If you not happy, get out. It's not worth spending the rest of your life not being happy. Being selfish is good sometimes, you need to do what is best for you, think about number one. It took a long time for me to learn this and to start thinking about myself before everyone else, but when I did I felt so much better. Sometimes people still have to remind me to do what I want and not what I think other people want.

No one can judge your relationship, but please just do what you feel is best for you.

Reply 2

cliop

You are not being selfish; you are just considering yourself.
At the end of the day you have to do things that make you happy - because only you, not friends/family/partners, will be with you for your entire life. You are the only person whom you cannot escape, so if you're not doing things to make yourself happy then nobody else will be able to.
Stay out of the relationship, go to Uni, make new friends and be young. I'm a sucker for latching onto toxic people, and my life has been defined by them. Withdrawing from these people is the hardest, but healthiest, thing you can do.

Reply 3

iEatMuFFiNS

It's always difficult when there's a dog involved. As in who gets custody of him. Which one loves him the most. Do you get to see him at weekends. Not to mention paying all that dog-support. Definitely need to think carefully before having another dog.