Should he pay on this date?

I'm going on a date this weekend with someone from my university. I'm travelling down and staying overnight, but I'm a bit worried about money.

Travel is going to cost me £40 for the trains, and we're going for a meal in the evening after going to an art exhibition during the day. We've picked a restaurant, but it is on the pricey side and I've just put down a deposit on my house that I'm renting whilst starting my new job which I start next month.

I hate being bought stuff on dates, but this month as been quite expensive for me so I'm kind of hoping he pays since I've paid quite a lot for travel :/ Is it reasonable to expect him to pay (he has a job) or am I expecting too much?

Reply 1

Steezy

15

Just explain exactly that to him.

I don't really think you can expect him to pay but it would be reasonable if you explain it to him. I don't think that's unreasonable if you're doing the travelling.

Reply 2

katiiiiie

13

This usually is the case with me and my boyfriend when we go away, he will usually pay if I'm short on money and I'll pay the next time. I don't think it unreasonable, you should probably just mention it to him.

Reply 3

Aph

22

Ask him if he could before the date qs it would be awkward if you bring it up during the date.

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Reply 4

Katie_p

15

Original post by Anonymous

I'm going on a date this weekend with someone from my university. I'm travelling down and staying overnight, but I'm a bit worried about money.

Travel is going to cost me £40 for the trains, and we're going for a meal in the evening after going to an art exhibition during the day. We've picked a restaurant, but it is on the pricey side and I've just put down a deposit on my house that I'm renting whilst starting my new job which I start next month.

I hate being bought stuff on dates, but this month as been quite expensive for me so I'm kind of hoping he pays since I've paid quite a lot for travel :/ Is it reasonable to expect him to pay (he has a job) or am I expecting too much?

In these circumstances I'd say it would be reasonable to let him pay, or even to ask him to, but I never like the expectation that either party will pay for both.
I get that it might be difficult to ask if it's early days though, so I'd say choose cheap unless he indicates he's paying, and don't be upset if he doesn't offer.
if you're in a relationship and going to be doing more trips, suggest that you set a tradition of whoever hosts paying for "reasonable" expenses and the visitor paying for transport - obviously if you spend £200 each going out, that's a bit unfair to expect one person to cover it all!

Reply 5

suzywithaZY

18

No. Explain your situation to him but don't expect him to pay. If he says that he won't foot the cost of your food (it's an expensive restaurant as you said), then you'll just have to pay for what you eat.

Reply 6

sliceofcake

15

Original post by Steezy

Just explain exactly that to him.

I don't really think you can expect him to pay but it would be reasonable if you explain it to him. I don't think that's unreasonable if you're doing the travelling.

I agree, you should probably explain your situation to him. Now is better than leaving it until the date, just in case he didn't expect to pay (or at least pay the whole amount). If he can't afford it then think about eating elsewhere.

Reply 7

joker12345

19

I'm not sure really.If it's a one off trip to see him then he should pay for some/more of it. If it's a trip with the expectation of reciprocity, ie he'll come visit you back then not really.

Reply 8

Doctor_Einstein

19

1. "We've picked the restaurant" - Why did you pick a restaurant on the pricey side if you can not afford it?

2. You've just put a deposit down on a house and yet you cannot afford to pay your share of one meal from a restaurant that you helped choose?

3. What about his financial situation? Just because you are in a financial predicament doesn't mean he isn't either. He could be in a worse financial position than you.

In summary, if you can't afford it, you should tell him this and ask if you can change to a less pricey restaurant. If you are lucky he will say, don't worry about it my shout, but this shouldn't be expected of him.