The Student Room Group

Controlling Parents

I feel like my parents are trying to control me, don't get me wrong, they are nurturing and good parents but I don't think they ever want to let go. I grew up in a different culture that they grew up in and they don't really want me to integrate completely. For example, they are ultra protective and don't ever want me to go out at night, I know this is a tad trivial but I feel like I'm missing out on being 18.I was originally planning on going away from college and now I'm not and i'm really afraid that I'll never earn the rights to my own life. I wasn't able to get a job during the summer because I had to look after my grandad so I have no money to move out and I am an only child and don't want to hurt my parents. God I sound really meldodramitc don't I...but it's driving me nuts, does anyone have similar experiences or advice?
have a discussion with them, tell them you feel trapped, afterall you are 18 now, long as you don't do anything stupid, maybe you can work out a compromise
Reply 2
Are you hot?...
Reply 3
I have a couple of friends who have controlling parents and they also find it ultra annoying. You are not being melodramatic, it clearly is bothering you. Like someone said, just be brave and talk to them or if they still resist come up with some activities or whatever with them that they would be happy for you to do and build from that. Just be prepared to compromise...:smile:
I agree, just try and have a proper conversation with them (without getting into an arguement-I know it's hard when they're being unreasonable) just let them know how you feel.
Reply 5
I'm told not to venture out at night, but given where I'm going, it's not such a bad suggestion.
Reply 6
This thread is a waste of time.

First, talk to them. Then, and only then, solicit our advice.
i don't agree that it is a total waste of time, the OP obviously feels stressted and confused by her parents, unless you are in the same position you would not understand.

To the OP: i too am in the exactly same position, i am an only child, am 19 and have ended up being controlled by my parents. I start uni this year and have also been TOLD i have to live at home and commutte the 1.30to uni each way.

People who say just talk to your parents do not understand how hard it is to do, because when you mention something they have this horrible way of making you feel sooooooooo guilty you take everything back.

My suggestion is to make the most of college while you are there don't think about your parents so much and just think so what i have to live at home but it does not mean i have to come home early every night, some night you could stop with friends.
Make as much of an effort at uni to do things that keep you out of the house then they might realise you have to live YOUR LIFE, not theirs.
Reply 8
My parents are the same. Althought they wern't very nuturing or good. In the end I just stopped asking them and just did it. Probably not the best solution to the problem. Are you going to university? If you are choose one far away (thats what I did - its at the other end of the country.)
Reply 9
JayB124
My parents are the same. Althought they wern't very nuturing or good. In the end I just stopped asking them and just did it. Probably not the best solution to the problem. Are you going to university? If you are choose one far away (thats what I did - its at the other end of the country.)

Yeah, don't ask them what you can do, tell them what you're doing! It's your life, you shouldn't have to ask to live it. If there not happy screw them. Ok you love them, but this is your choice, and if they're not happy then they'll need to learn to be.
Reply 10
Thanks for the great advice, it's good to know that some people are in the same situation. I understand that this problem is going to take time because my parents are very attached and I can't make them understand me because we have a lot of communications issues ie they tell me about their problems and I help while they dismiss mine as childish...unless they are school related in which case it is most definitely the most important thing ever...I will try and talk to them some more but is there a way of getting stubborn parents to listen?
Reply 11
Hi. I am experiencing your problem also. My parents were brought up in a completely different culture and way of living, so they just think that their way of living is right and otherways are wrong which is silly. They're really uptight about going out with friends, and they scared a boy that i really liked so he just thought my parents were freaks and wasn't interested. So they try to enforce their beliefs i upon me and other members of my family. But the strangest thing is, i don't hate them or feel angry with them at all because i know they can't help their overprotectiveness, and sometimes i worry about what would happen if they set no limits for me, even though i have my own limits:wink: . I just try to make compromises with them, and assure them that i am still following their traditions but changing some stuff slighlty. Just take it slowly with parents, that is what i do. Build up trust with them and make them feel safe in the knowledge that you won't do anything that could endanger yourself which is what your parents care about most. You. All the best, hope i've helped :smile:
Reply 12
i am in the same situation, well i'm not at all anymore but i was and i totally understand. i am the only one so it's traumatic for them that i'm going, i understand that but you'd think that they should be happy that we are going on to do great things... mine sort of are now i suppose but frown when i mention plans to go to gigs or whatever.

the turning point was when i got a serious boyfriend at the age of 16 who they actually liked, (despite the head to toe tattoos and rather extreme appearance :P:smile: and were comfortable with. i was allowed to run riot and do what i wanted when with him, or even if he wasn't where i was going, i'd say he was and it was fine. when we split up the freedom remained.

i can only suggest speaking to them rationally, trying to compromise though i'm not sure this will always work given past experience. you can try the boyfriend thing, (circumstances permitting of course!) or then there is the rebelling option. they will maybe grow tired of it and give in. it's not ideal but this is your life, you have to remember that. good luck!
Reply 13
But the strangest thing is, i don't hate them or feel angry with them at all because i know they can't help their overprotectiveness, and sometimes i worry about what would happen if they set no limits for me, even though i have my own limits


That's exactly it, now I'm beginning to think we should start a support group.