Cheated on boyf with someone who is also in a relationship, now he wants to meet up Watch

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Anonymous #1
#1
Report Thread starter 5 years ago
#1
Hi everyone,

I have a dilemma that needs addressing, I have been thinking about it for some time and cannot seem to get anywhere with it! Talk about overthinking, ugh.. I have read numerous forum posts from numerous websites and taken in a lot of what was said, however, I’ve not been able to find a forum post that truly fits my situation in any similar way at all.

I have been with my boyfriend for 6 years, we are both 21 so are still ‘young’ especially considering the length of time we have been together. I made the mistake this year of asking him to move in with me, only for a year while I’m away on placement; I say mistake because it has caused so many problems for our relationship (initially) and my family, as they do not like him. It has taken a real toll on me, including my health, I have started feeling very low and unhappy, as well as having panic attacks more frequently.

In terms of the bedroom, sex has really moved down on my list of priorities. We still have sex, it’s not totally dry, but it is only once every few months. I still feel urges and in fact have no issues in that department, I just can’t always go through the whole scenario with my boyfriend.

Anyway, I suppose I should move onto the issue now…

So, a few months back before leaving my uni city for home before moving away for placement again I went out for a friend’s birthday. I had a good catch up with old friends as well as meeting new people, I had such a great night, and got incredibly drunk, possibly the drunkest I had been in a long while. As the night got later, the usual happened, people started drifting off home and it was left with me and my new male friend. Cutting a long story short we ended up sleeping together. I woke up the next morning and felt incredibly guilty for what I had done, but there was no time to think about it as my parents would soon be arriving to collect me to take me home.

When I got home and saw my boyfriend I felt terrible but I did not breathe a word to him as I felt it was for the better; we had plans to be moving in together within the next few weeks, papers had already been signed and deposits paid.

2 weeks pass and the last weekend before moving away I am back in my uni city to celebrate yet another friends birthday, who is in fact in the same circle of friends as the previous one. And of course, that meant one thing, my new male friend would also be there. I turned up late to predrinks and saw that my new friend, the guy who I had slept with 2 weeks prior has a girlfriend! Turns out they had been together for 6 months. And that night, considering I was out with him and his girlfriend, as well as mutual friends things didn’t seem awkward. It was sort of as if nothing had happened; apart from a number of exchanged glances across the room and maybe sitting a little too close together in the smoking area…

Weeks down the line we continue to talk, and he constantly pushes conversation towards a sexual nature, which is fine I suppose but from start to finish can be somewhat annoying. As he is in the military he was recently away for a number of months on a training exercise abroad, it was difficult not being able to talk to him and I thought of him often. Now he has returned we are talking to each again, I feel a slight rush inside me when we talk and can’t stop smiling when he replies. Maybe it’s the thrill of something new and exciting, attention from someone other than the person I have spent the last 6 years of my life with.

Two days ago, he asked if we could meet; I had thought of this, fantasied even of meeting in a city and spending the night together. But that was it, a fantasy and now he wants to meet for real, and I must say he was rather persistent and I was rather nervous. I mentioned a night that I am in London for business and will be alone and he was all for it, but I do not know if he was being totally serious.

I want to see him again but scared about doing it behind my boyfriend’s back – my boyfriend doesn’t even allow for me to talk to male colleagues out of office hours and I am only allowed male friends if my boyfriend knows them.

I don’t think I’m 100 per cent content being in a monogamous relationship, I don’t want to waste my young years being unhappy. It is killing me, I have thought about breaking up with my boyfriend but it would not only crush him but me too. I still have fun with him, on a friend level, and maybe that’s only how I see him from now on, as a friend? We have similar music tastes and styles and enjoy going to gigs and festivals but that is pretty much all we share together, which I would certainly miss if we were not a couple.

I thought loving someone was supposed to be easy? Something that you just fall into, and yes requires work, but not so much work that it keeps you up at night and hurts relationships with family members.
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whydoidothis?
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#2
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leave him, your going to cheat on him again anyway.
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tengentoppa
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Yeah you sound like you'd be willing to cheat on him at the drop of a hat. You should leave him.
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username1456920
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Didn't read post but did read thread title.

Leave him. He deserves better.
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Enoxial
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#5
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I have a dilemma that needs addressing, I have been thinking about it for some time and cannot seem to get anywhere with it! Talk about overthinking, ugh.. I have read numerous forum posts from numerous websites and taken in a lot of what was said, however, I’ve not been able to find a forum post that truly fits my situation in any similar way at all.
Your in a Long Relationship and you got drunk and had 'fun' with someones elses bf, sounds very familiar.

In terms of the bedroom, sex has really moved down on my list of priorities. We still have sex, it’s not totally dry, but it is only once every few months. I still feel urges and in fact have no issues in that department, I just can’t always go through the whole scenario with my boyfriend.
I hope your not saying people should be with whom sex is at the top of the list?

So, a few months back before leaving my uni city for home before moving away for placement again I went out for a friend’s birthday. I had a good catch up with old friends as well as meeting new people, I had such a great night, and got incredibly drunk, possibly the drunkest I had been in a long while.
Then they say drinking is goooood.

When I got home and saw my boyfriend I felt terrible but I did not breathe a word to him as I felt it was for the better; we had plans to be moving in together within the next few weeks, papers had already been signed and deposits paid.
Buy him out, thats the least you can do.

Weeks down the line we continue to talk, and he constantly pushes conversation towards a sexual nature, which is fine I suppose but from start to finish can be somewhat annoying. As he is in the military he was recently away for a number of months on a training exercise abroad, it was difficult not being able to talk to him and I thought of him often. Now he has returned we are talking to each again, I feel a slight rush inside me when we talk and can’t stop smiling when he replies. Maybe it’s the thrill of something new and exciting, attention from someone other than the person I have spent the last 6 years of my life with.

Two days ago, he asked if we could meet; I had thought of this, fantasied even of meeting in a city and spending the night together. But that was it, a fantasy and now he wants to meet for real, and I must say he was rather persistent and I was rather nervous. I mentioned a night that I am in London for business and will be alone and he was all for it, but I do not know if he was being totally serious.
Looks like you've already committed to the new guy.
I want to see him again but scared about doing it behind my boyfriend’s back
– my boyfriend doesn’t even allow for me to talk to male colleagues out of office hours and I am only allowed male friends if my boyfriend knows them.
You've already done worse than going to see him!

I don’t think I’m 100 per cent content being in a monogamous relationship, I don’t want to waste my young years being unhappy. It is killing me, I have thought about breaking up with my boyfriend but it would not only crush him but me too. I still have fun with him, on a friend level, and maybe that’s only how I see him from now on, as a friend? We have similar music tastes and styles and enjoy going to gigs and festivals but that is pretty much all we share together, which I would certainly miss if we were not a couple.
So the life where you screw alot of guys is considered 'happy'?

I thought loving someone was supposed to be easy? Something that you just fall into, and yes requires work, but not so much work that it keeps you up at night and hurts relationships with family members.
You still love your current bf but the lust is clouding that...
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mollyxrose
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End it. As others have said, you seem like you're gonna cheat on him again. It's not fair to stay with him because you want his friendship, what kind of relationship is that?
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RiverSpark
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As you've been together such a long time, it sounds like the spark has gone out of your relationship, which is why you're looking for it in others. You need to instead focus that energy into injecting the excitement back into your current relationship.

If you don't feel like it's worth it and you still want to pursue this other guy, then you need to break it off with your boyfriend. It's not fair on him and it will just hurt him more if he finds out any other way.

Loving somebody is anything but easy!
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Fashion Girl
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I think you should meet up. Your bf sounds like a freak...why can you not have guymates of your own? :lolwut: Just maybe find out if this new guy interested in you is only interested in sex or also you, because if its the former, then your better off not going down the road! It seems like you have enough to worry about as it is! :yy:
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yennibubs
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Does your boyfriend seem happy with the relationship? Has he mentioned anything about not having sex anymore? It seems like you two haven't spoke about your problems at all, unless he really is that clueless that he thinks there's nothing wrong.

End the relationship if you're not happy anymore. No point dragging it out and planning to meet up with other guys behind your boyfriend's back.
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Petrue
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Just end it: he deserves better than you and the sooner you do it the sooner you can both move on.
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Lil3utterfly
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#11
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It's too late to go back, you've already hurt your boyfriend more than you already have.
Stop digging his grave and just end it, then move on. He doesn't deserve to be cheated on.
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Jooooshy
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You've thrown your 6 year relationship down the sink hole Time to tell your boyfriend the truth and move on.
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anonymouspie227
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(Original post by Anonymous)
my boyfriend doesn’t even allow for me to talk to male colleagues out of office hours and I am only allowed male friends if my boyfriend knows them.
Did nobody read that sentence?

It sounds to me like your relationship isn't that great by the fact that your boyfriend controls you. I would suggest ending the relationship with your boyfriend 1)because it sounds like you want something else and 2)because of that sentence, you don't need anybodies permission to talk to males
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Stickman
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#14
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I thought loving someone was supposed to be easy? Something that you just fall into, and yes requires work, but not so much work that it keeps you up at night and hurts relationships with family members.

Fact: Love becomes a bit harder if you cheat on your boyfriend unfortunately.

Spoiler:
Show

Dump him. He deserves someone better to be with. And instead of going round and round in circles, you tell him exactly what you did and why, even if you were drunk.
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Stickman
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(Original post by anonymouspie227)
Did nobody read that sentence?

It sounds to me like your relationship isn't that great by the fact that your boyfriend controls you. I would suggest ending the relationship with your boyfriend 1)because it sounds like you want something else and 2)because of that sentence, you don't need anybodies permission to talk to males

Who knows there might be a reason for the bf doing that with her... past incidences where she's lost his trust? That seems likely especially as she's obviously cheated on him and she's still with him without his knowing.

And anyway she had 6 years to deal with that, so if she was finding it really difficult she should have had the maturity to break up with him because of that 'controlling' nature, rather than sleeping with someone else.
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KH94
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#16
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Hi everyone,

I have a dilemma that needs addressing, I have been thinking about it for some time and cannot seem to get anywhere with it! Talk about overthinking, ugh.. I have read numerous forum posts from numerous websites and taken in a lot of what was said, however, I’ve not been able to find a forum post that truly fits my situation in any similar way at all.

I have been with my boyfriend for 6 years, we are both 21 so are still ‘young’ especially considering the length of time we have been together. I made the mistake this year of asking him to move in with me, only for a year while I’m away on placement; I say mistake because it has caused so many problems for our relationship (initially) and my family, as they do not like him. It has taken a real toll on me, including my health, I have started feeling very low and unhappy, as well as having panic attacks more frequently.

In terms of the bedroom, sex has really moved down on my list of priorities. We still have sex, it’s not totally dry, but it is only once every few months. I still feel urges and in fact have no issues in that department, I just can’t always go through the whole scenario with my boyfriend.

Anyway, I suppose I should move onto the issue now…

So, a few months back before leaving my uni city for home before moving away for placement again I went out for a friend’s birthday. I had a good catch up with old friends as well as meeting new people, I had such a great night, and got incredibly drunk, possibly the drunkest I had been in a long while. As the night got later, the usual happened, people started drifting off home and it was left with me and my new male friend. Cutting a long story short we ended up sleeping together. I woke up the next morning and felt incredibly guilty for what I had done, but there was no time to think about it as my parents would soon be arriving to collect me to take me home.

When I got home and saw my boyfriend I felt terrible but I did not breathe a word to him as I felt it was for the better; we had plans to be moving in together within the next few weeks, papers had already been signed and deposits paid.

2 weeks pass and the last weekend before moving away I am back in my uni city to celebrate yet another friends birthday, who is in fact in the same circle of friends as the previous one. And of course, that meant one thing, my new male friend would also be there. I turned up late to predrinks and saw that my new friend, the guy who I had slept with 2 weeks prior has a girlfriend! Turns out they had been together for 6 months. And that night, considering I was out with him and his girlfriend, as well as mutual friends things didn’t seem awkward. It was sort of as if nothing had happened; apart from a number of exchanged glances across the room and maybe sitting a little too close together in the smoking area…

Weeks down the line we continue to talk, and he constantly pushes conversation towards a sexual nature, which is fine I suppose but from start to finish can be somewhat annoying. As he is in the military he was recently away for a number of months on a training exercise abroad, it was difficult not being able to talk to him and I thought of him often. Now he has returned we are talking to each again, I feel a slight rush inside me when we talk and can’t stop smiling when he replies. Maybe it’s the thrill of something new and exciting, attention from someone other than the person I have spent the last 6 years of my life with.

Two days ago, he asked if we could meet; I had thought of this, fantasied even of meeting in a city and spending the night together. But that was it, a fantasy and now he wants to meet for real, and I must say he was rather persistent and I was rather nervous. I mentioned a night that I am in London for business and will be alone and he was all for it, but I do not know if he was being totally serious.

I want to see him again but scared about doing it behind my boyfriend’s back – my boyfriend doesn’t even allow for me to talk to male colleagues out of office hours and I am only allowed male friends if my boyfriend knows them.

I don’t think I’m 100 per cent content being in a monogamous relationship, I don’t want to waste my young years being unhappy. It is killing me, I have thought about breaking up with my boyfriend but it would not only crush him but me too. I still have fun with him, on a friend level, and maybe that’s only how I see him from now on, as a friend? We have similar music tastes and styles and enjoy going to gigs and festivals but that is pretty much all we share together, which I would certainly miss if we were not a couple.

I thought loving someone was supposed to be easy? Something that you just fall into, and yes requires work, but not so much work that it keeps you up at night and hurts relationships with family members.
Meet the new guy, see how things go. If he has a girlfriend already, is he really interested in you? I would say you meet up and talk to him, if things go well spend the night together and sleep with him again.

Your boyfriend sounds controlling to me. I would therefore say the new guy is better, but has a girlfriend. He needs to leave her, and you need to end it with your boyfriend.

However if things don't work our with the new guy, stay with your boyfriend and don't tell him about what happened with the other guy.

Good luck.
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Lightwave
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#17
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(Original post by KH94)
Meet the new guy, see how things go. If he has a girlfriend already, is he really interested in you? I would say you meet up and talk to him, if things go well spend the night together and sleep with him again.

Your boyfriend sounds controlling to me. I would therefore say the new guy is better, but has a girlfriend. He needs to leave her, and you need to end it with your boyfriend.

However if things don't work our with the new guy, stay with your boyfriend and don't tell him about what happened with the other guy.

Good luck.
I would say her boyfriend was right to be distrusting of her, I mean she did cheat on him with a guy he didn't know....
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KH94
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(Original post by Lightwave)
I would say her boyfriend was right to be distrusting of her, I mean she did cheat on him with a guy he didn't know....
Yes, I agree, he was right to be distrusting of her as it turns out, as she has now cheated on him. However I would say he should be distrusting now rather than before. Though I would advise she doesn't tell him what has happened, unless the new guy is really interested in her in which case she should tell the truth and end it with her boyfriend.



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Caedus
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Both you and your disgusting man friend deserve each other. Go to him.
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Stickman
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(Original post by KH94)
Meet the new guy, see how things go. If he has a girlfriend already, is he really interested in you? I would say you meet up and talk to him, if things go well spend the night together and sleep with him again.

Your boyfriend sounds controlling to me. I would therefore say the new guy is better, but has a girlfriend. He needs to leave her, and you need to end it with your boyfriend.

However if things don't work our with the new guy, stay with your boyfriend and don't tell him about what happened with the other guy.

Good luck.
(Original post by KH94)
Yes, I agree, he was right to be distrusting of her as it turns out, as she has now cheated on him. However I would say he should be distrusting now rather than before. Though I would advise she doesn't tell him what has happened, unless the new guy is really interested in her in which case she should tell the truth and end it with her boyfriend.




Poor advice for the long run. Sure, short term you will feel you are safe, but in the longer run you will run into more problems. Just face the facts and tell you wish to break up now.
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