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AllergicToFairydust
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#1
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#1
I need to write a 500 word commentary on a love story I wrote. I have a few examples but they are all 1000+ which doesn't help. What are the main points you should include in your commentary?

Dam word limits...next year, I won't care about them - I'll write how much I sodding want to!
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AllergicToFairydust
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#2
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*AMG picks up phone* Hello?

Random Caller: I'm sorry UKL is unable to deal with your request for help. We suggest you close Microsoft Word and watch TV.

AMG: But I have two more homework pieces to do!

Random Caller: You should of thought about that before you got Food Poisoning.

AMG: Hey that wasn't my fault!

Random Caller: Oh yeah, it was me who shove that meat down your neck. *sighs*

AMG: Whatever *slams phone down*
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dogtanian
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#3
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This is in the wrong area, to be fair...

Is it for English Language?
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AllergicToFairydust
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#4
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English Lang and Lit.

So far I have done 308 words - so only another 192 but I think I went overboard with status in my analysis...have a look
________________________________ ________________________________ _______________
This romance story was based on the children’s books by Enid Blyton called Malory Towers which are set in a boarding school. However, Enid Blyton rarely allowed her characters to have crushes or fall in love and my story is the opposite allowing for these emotions but in way that is not over the top for the Era.



Throughout my story, I tried to maintain as many of the conventional features as possible. Everything is made to seem as perfect as possible for example Alicia’s victory, the characters’ appearance and school’s gardens. Things which are negative have been written in a way in which the reader fails to notice because it is secondary to the abundance of lavish details of perfection. For example, a paradox is used to describe the breakfast which is a “gourmet atrocity” allowing its negative feel to be lessened.



Much of the detail is pre-modification such as

m m h m m h

Samuel’s “sparkling blue eyes” and “golden-bound red diary”. They add to the feeling of perfection and create an elegant people and surroundings.



The lexis of colour and texture “blue”, “golden” “oak” is important in my story to create vivid images and a sense of luxury. Fitting the stereotypical romance story, the extravagant descriptions of the characters all the girls, Alicia and Clara to both be “petite” and feminine with the boys are strong and dominating roles. Compared to the girls, Philip has the strongest status. This is shown in the boys’ first appearance. Both girls are sitting and the boys stand but Samuel eventually sits when Philip tells him to. This symbolizes that he is in charge and he never sits down. This allows Samuel to be on level with Alicia’s status but still higher because he is the one he suggests to “go for a walk”.
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dogtanian
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#5
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Maybe you should go through the frameworks separately, making them clear to the person reading it.

Make note first, and decide on their importance, because phonology and probably graphology will be pointless to go into.

It's good that you've mentioned your style models though.

Make sure you identify your audience and the ways in which the story links to the reader.
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AllergicToFairydust
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(Original post by Hayley...)
Maybe you should go through the frameworks separately, making them clear to the person reading it.

Make note first, and decide on their importance, because phonology and probably graphology will be pointless to go into.

It's good that you've mentioned your style models though.

Make sure you identify your audience and the ways in which the story links to the reader.
Let's make sure its 500 words long extactly (my favourite thing) and its going to follow my other coursework grades so far...A but remembering I have no brain.

A Musical Gal proudly shouts she has not failed to get less than an A on any piece of coursework this year in any subject!
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dogtanian
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#7
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You make it fit the word limit exactly?
Jaysus...

I though you said you hated word limits..?


I think I've not got less than an A, but I don't know what my Classics mark is, and my English hasn't been moderated yet.
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AllergicToFairydust
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#8
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Hi I'm back, my computer crashed so I had to bring it back up and then it went down again...eek!

I do hate word limits but I thinks its cool when I actually finish bang on.
Is what I got right now ok?
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AllergicToFairydust
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#9
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What can you say about this?

"I say Alicia"

I know it is an archaic ________ pharse

fill the blank, please my favourite forum!
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dogtanian
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#10
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Well, first off, it's a phrase..

What exactly are you trying to say.. I'm not too sure..


Also, it looks like there's going to be a "but" after it... Maybe you should put a more positive sounding spin on it, eg: "The use of an archiac <gap?> phrase <reason/effect of it>."
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AllergicToFairydust
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#11
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(Original post by Hayley...)
Well, first off, it's a phrase..

What exactly are you trying to say.. I'm not too sure..


Also, it looks like there's going to be a "but" after it... Maybe you should put a more positive sounding spin on it, eg: "The use of an archiac <gap?> phrase <reason/effect of it>."
The sentense I have is

Direct speech, in my story, plays a major part in ageing my story through the use of

archaic, ____ pharses such as "I say".
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AllergicToFairydust
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#12
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#12
anyone got any ideas?

Other examples of this thing are:

"Well, I don't know"
"Right then"
"We were going to the park, you see"
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