jilted

hello every1. i am a pakistani girl of age 22. i lived in pakistan until the age of 16 and then i came to england because as a young girl, my family had promised another family who lived in england that i would marry him. i met him when i was 17, and he was 19 at the time. we hit it off straight away and things were perfect as our family had already arranged for us to marry. they did not, however, want us to start having a "girlfriend/boyfriend" relationship until then as they are against that concept before marriage. so anyways, i really liked this guy and he liked me too... and within 6 months of meeting each other, we did actually become girlfriend and boyfriend. we started going out a lot (we would lie to our families and say we were going out with friends instead) and soon we were in love. the funniest times was when our families met up and we had to act shy around each other when really we were the bestest of friends and a couple too. when i was 19, i slept with him.. i didnt see the harm as i loved him and thought i would marry him. we started experimenting a lot over the next three years and i was comfortable and happy.. he'd always use a condom and so i was reassured that i wouldnt get pregnant and we started orals too...anyway, i dont want to give too much information. anyway, so last week was a month before our engagement. he had just come back from pakistan and was going to phone me. he was three hours late in doing so but when he did call me, he left me in utter shock...

he told me that he had found somebody else in pakistan whom he is madly in love with and cannot live without. he said he wants to marry her despite the fact that our parents want us together and that we were madly in love before that.. i hung up and cried...and the next day, his parents called and told my parents the situation. my parents were furious and argued with them for a long time. then my mum came to tell me the news...and all she said was "forget it now, we will find you someone else..." not knowing that we were a couple for such a long time. and i cant tell my parents now either. i am heartbroken...completely..i dont know what to do. my parents are over it and are already starting new proposals for me, but i am so hurt and i cant forget my boyfriend...ex-boyfriend actually... i called him and cried and reminded him of his promises before we slept together, but all he could say is sorry. ive lost the will to live. noone understands what i am going through.

Reply 1

User69701

I know it doesn't seem like it now but it will turn out to be a twist of fate. He doesn't seem like the kind of guy anyone would want to marry.

Surround yourself with friend s whilst you try to forget this jerk.

Reply 2

Anonymous #2

Ooooh, honey I am SO sorry. THat must hurt a lot! All I can say is that you must be a really beautiful person in your heart and it's obvious that you loved this guy a lot, but he doesn't love you anymore and you'll have to deal with it. I am sure that if you somehow pressured him into marrying you you'd feel bad about it afterwards. Surely you wouldn't stand marriage with a man who really loves someone else?

Just get out there and buy yourself a cup of thick hot chocolate and a pretty dress and nice high heel shoes and pick up a good book and think "gosh, i'm intellectual and also sexy". Good luck, honey!

Reply 3

Anonymous #1

thanks for ur support but how do i find someone else now? ive always been against the idea of an arranged marriage and unless i find someone, my parents will force me into it...im so upset...i cant marry a stranger and i love my ex still despite what he did...but hes an idiot and im scared he'll tell everyone about personal things ive shared with him and our sexual stuff...i need him back but he wont pick up my calls and text me just now to say "stop calling me and get a life....move on from me plz im an idiot"

Reply 4

Harv616

Well...why dont yiou say no to your parents?

Im from a indian family, if they would ever try and force me into marrage i would simply leave.

The ONLY reason im even around them now is because i need the money.

Reply 5

Anonymous #1

BhArJ

i cant do that to my parents... i love them a lot and ive got too much respect for them, even though i know they are wrong...

Reply 6

Harv616

Anonymous

i cant do that to my parents... i love them a lot and ive got too much respect for them, even though i know they are wrong...

Well you either find youself another guy and hope you parents agree, ignore your parents and leave them and find a guy, or be forced into a arranged marrage.

Its your choice, personaly i would ignore all these stupid traditions.
You dont HAVE to get married if you dont want to.

Reply 7

coloursonthetv

Anonymous

i cant do that to my parents... i love them a lot and ive got too much respect for them, even though i know they are wrong...

I love mine too.

But it doesn't sound like they have respect for you?

Marriage is a big thing and I don't think they should force it onto you.

It's a shame what happened with the guy but you need to do some thinking and realise you don't need him. Yes, you had a fantastic relationship whilst it lasted and you were very close but he has betrayed you and you shouldn't go back to that x

Reply 8

sidi

Just explain to your parents what a shock this has been and that you need time before you can even consider another proposal. The most important thing is not to rush into anything you'll regret later. You're only 22. Take your time. You can't force yourself to meet the right person, it takes time. Slow down.

Reply 9

Zafda

wow.
thats pretty crap. i really wouldn't tell your parents anything you both got up to, because you know what utter bs you'd get into.
i really understand how you feel, its a shame how you got so close and it went from everything to nothing.
i dunno what i can say, i'd never have made the mistake to lose my virginity with him but yeah, try and take it easy.
does he know what mess he's gotten himself anyway? have you spoken to him? for all as you know he could say hes in love with someone else but perhaps he just likes her attention.. b-tw.at.

Reply 10

LouE3D

I'm not pakistani and have never faced the concept of an arranged marriage but I have had my engagement breakdown, completly against my will. The shock is like nothing you've ever experianced... the pain that you go through knowing the person you had built your life around and planned your future is just indescribable... i had to sell my wedding dress, cancel everything, leave my home, my pets, people who had become my family and it was extremely difficult. I totally sympathise with what you are going through and can only reassure you that, in time (and yes it does take time!) it will get better.

At the moment you need to mourn your relationship, give yourself time to grieve but then you need to work at getting yourself sorted - it does take work, sometimes a lot of effort, but the benefits are worth it! Take every day as it comes, little steps... expect to think about what has happened a lot and deal with it all in little peices. If you can't talk to your parents then I strongly suggest you find someone you can talk to... my best friend was just incredible - every night I spoke to her for an age, sometimes about him, sometimes about the rubbish on telly, simply coz I simply couldn't stand to be left alone with my thoughts.

I am soooo much stronger now, sooo much happier and, actually, am glad it happened... we wouldn't have worked, we wanted v different things from life and I have learnt so much as a result. It is hard, it will be hard for a while - there is (unfortunatly) no magic cure! I wish you the best of luck with it all and feel free to pm me if you ever want a chat :smile:

Reply 11

Anonymous #3

what that b*****d did was very wrong ...he used u, trashed u and threw u away like u are nothing wth! its men like that , that do my head in. hun love is something speacial he abused ur love, he used u for sex and he left u ...what a cheap person sorry but i really feel for things like this because i have had similar expereinces ...hunny its going to take u a long time to get over this a very long time and this expereince will stay in ur head. Sweety it clearly shows hes cheap and what makes u say that if he is so called in love with the other girl he might even end up having sex with her and leave her what a damn player ...hunny please u got to focus on ur self dont let ur parents force u into marriage! i come from a asian background myself and can sympathise with what ur saying ...i wouldnt let my parents pressurise me into marriage but althoguh we both are different in terms of parental issues ...i respect u for having a great deal of respect for ur parents but dont ruin ur life beacuse of their choise...they are married , they have lived their life ? dont u have a personal choice too? please hunny this heart break is fresh and its going to stay within u for a long time and i dont gurantee ur gonna forget him that easy beacuse i know it hurts really bad ..leave that jerk to god people like him will be punished for what they did ...i mean come on hun how can he tell u he loves u ? and then he goes against ur trust ? and leaves u? is that love? is it ? hell no ...he was playing with ur heart he sickens me.
Hunny try to speak to ur parents about how u cant get over him and u just want time to urself about the marriage issue please ...? try i mean u have a life too dont u ? or do u want to live ur life for others?