The Student Room Group

Does this make any sense?

Right before I even start writing, what i have in my head is alot. So I understand if people arn't bothered about reading it, I guess it might just help writing it down...Somehow.

I havent got a clue where to start. so ill just write all in what's in my mind. (excuse any errors with spelling)

To start with, i have issues. And i have tryed for the past god knows how long to sort them out. it all goes down to one thing, I think too much. i mean, WAY to much. And it comes out as jelously and gives me insecurities.

Im in a 15 month relationship. I guess you could say a farly strong one seen as we've helped him over come his Cancer whilst we have been together and that hasnt effected us, but what has effected us is me.

(this probally dosn't make any sense at the moment)

When we first started going out i felt AMAZING about my self. I had the boy EVERY one fancied at sixthform.Gorgeous, long hair, Amazing eyes, he had everyone falling at their feet, and when he said yes to going out with me my self confidence sky rocketed.

But now, its sunk to an all time low. I am so insecure i dont know what to do and im in tears over it everynight. All i can think about is him finding someone else because hes so great, and i feel like crap, like he deserves so much better and he could do better in every department (looks, Brains, Breasts...etc) and to top it off, not long after we started going out i asked about a girl he used to fancy, and i got "shes way out of my league" which made me feel like ****. As she is amazingly pretty, really really brainy and has HUGE breasts. (As u can tell i hate mine).

EVERYTHING makes me down. Jut the thought of him watching porn, Even when we are out, even if he just glances at another girl i want to cry.

And get this, this is how bad it is, He bought a plectrum with a mad the other day, and it has a women on it, even THAT made me mad.

I dont know how to stop it. I even get down when other girls comment him on myspace. When hes out because i think of him looking at other girls n wishing i looked like them.

I need to stop how i feel because its started to take its toll, he knows how i feel and he says he loves me and that im perfect and all he needs is me so why cant i believe him. Why am i like this? Ive never been cheated on, never cheated on anyone.

So why? I need to know how to stop all of this because its driving me mad, and what makes it worse is im going southend college next year and hes at sixth form where we live so we are going to be apart and he is going to be surrounded by all these girls.

Please dont give me any rude comments back, becuase i dont need to be hurt any more than im making my self feel now. And yes i know its my own fault but i need to know how to stop this
Well, I get the impression from reading this, that nothing has happened as of yet between your bf and 'other girls', so at least you know that he is not making empty promises. Secondly, you've been with him 15 months, that's a pretty long time, so you must have something pretty special to have lasted all this time. It might help if you think of all the really great times you have shared together, and remind yourself that he really does love you.
I hope this helps.
I guess I sometimes feel similar to you, just not to the extent that you feel it.

You need to remember that your boyfriend loves YOU, if he didn't want to be with you then he wouldn't be and he has chosen you over everyone else. Whilst other girls might have bigger assets or be more intelligent than you, he likes you for you.

Talk to him about how you're feeling.

Sarah
Reply 3
Come off it, do you really think the only reason two people get together is brains and boobs?
Dez
Come off it, do you really think the only reason two people get together is brains and boobs?


Is that question directed at me or OP?
lalax-x
Right before I even start writing, what i have in my head is alot. So I understand if people arn't bothered about reading it, I guess it might just help writing it down...Somehow.

I havent got a clue where to start. so ill just write all in what's in my mind. (excuse any errors with spelling)

To start with, i have issues. And i have tryed for the past god knows how long to sort them out. it all goes down to one thing, I think too much. i mean, WAY to much. And it comes out as jelously and gives me insecurities.

Im in a 15 month relationship. I guess you could say a farly strong one seen as we've helped him over come his Cancer whilst we have been together and that hasnt effected us, but what has effected us is me.

(this probally dosn't make any sense at the moment)

When we first started going out i felt AMAZING about my self. I had the boy EVERY one fancied at sixthform.Gorgeous, long hair, Amazing eyes, he had everyone falling at their feet, and when he said yes to going out with me my self confidence sky rocketed.

But now, its sunk to an all time low. I am so insecure i dont know what to do and im in tears over it everynight. All i can think about is him finding someone else because hes so great, and i feel like crap, like he deserves so much better and he could do better in every department (looks, Brains, Breasts...etc) and to top it off, not long after we started going out i asked about a girl he used to fancy, and i got "shes way out of my league" which made me feel like ****. As she is amazingly pretty, really really brainy and has HUGE breasts. (As u can tell i hate mine).

EVERYTHING makes me down. Jut the thought of him watching porn, Even when we are out, even if he just glances at another girl i want to cry.

And get this, this is how bad it is, He bought a plectrum with a mad the other day, and it has a women on it, even THAT made me mad.

I dont know how to stop it. I even get down when other girls comment him on myspace. When hes out because i think of him looking at other girls n wishing i looked like them.

I need to stop how i feel because its started to take its toll, he knows how i feel and he says he loves me and that im perfect and all he needs is me so why cant i believe him. Why am i like this? Ive never been cheated on, never cheated on anyone.

So why? I need to know how to stop all of this because its driving me mad, and what makes it worse is im going southend college next year and hes at sixth form where we live so we are going to be apart and he is going to be surrounded by all these girls.

Please dont give me any rude comments back, becuase i dont need to be hurt any more than im making my self feel now. And yes i know its my own fault but i need to know how to stop this


Trouble is the more you start thinking you are not good enough, the more likely you will end up driving him away, if you learn to be normal and a loving girlfriend, then it should be fine if he really truely loves you, because it certainly seems that he cares a great deal about you.
Reply 6
The OP. My point is that she and her boyfriend obviously have something that's kept them together for over a year, and it hasn't just magically disappeared in favour of other attributes.
Reply 7
Dez
The OP. My point is that she and her boyfriend obviously have something that's kept them together for over a year, and it hasn't just magically disappeared in favour of other attributes.


No and i know this. But things can change right, there are loads of temptations and just with us being away from each other for so much starting next week im just worried.

I have these insecurities for reasons. When i was in high school no matter who i hung around with the boys ALWAYS fancied them. Always looked at them when we was out. I didnt get any kind of attention from boys. and also from the point i made earlier about "She was way out of my league" makes me feel like hes gone for second best and would have preffered the brains and the breasts.

its hard to explain it all because im not very good with describing things let alone my feelings.
One thing i noticed from reading this is that this gorgeous guy every one wants, does not seem to be as sought after as you say. I know guys like this, and sure there are plenty of girls that dont like them, but you will never hear the words 'shes out my league' come from their mouths.
Sometimes people do not realise what they say, only until after its too late to take back. Does your boyfriend realise that the comment made you feel that way? He probably intended on making you feel at ease but it came out wrong...

But one important thing is you have to remove the whole "he deserves better" mentality as its like a self-fufilling wish. being depressed making the other unhappy and may push them away like someone had mentioned it before.
Your faults are who make you, you. And I'm sure that he already knows this when he accepted you as his girlfriend. If you really want to improve yourself then do so but theres no need to upset over things that you can't control.
Reply 10
*titanium*
One thing i noticed from reading this is that this gorgeous guy every one wants, does not seem to be as sought after as you say. I know guys like this, and sure there are plenty of girls that dont like them, but you will never hear the words 'shes out my league' come from their mouths.


he has low self esteem (not as much as mine though and osn't go on about it as much as me) and is too modest for his own good.

but if your "other half" said that to you about another girl/boy how would that make you feel? Am i over reacting?

I just feel unworthy to be with him.
lalax-x
but if your "other half" said that to you about another girl/boy how would that make you feel? Am i over reacting?

I just feel unworthy to be with him.


I think he ment well, but it was a crappy thing to say, if it was said to me it would make me feel like 'oh well i guess she is with me because im the best she can get' Its would make me feel like she would rather be with the other guy but has settled for me because she cant get him.
Reply 12
lalax-x
Right before I even start writing, what i have in my head is alot. So I understand if people arn't bothered about reading it, I guess it might just help writing it down...Somehow.

I havent got a clue where to start. so ill just write all in what's in my mind. (excuse any errors with spelling)

To start with, i have issues. And i have tryed for the past god knows how long to sort them out. it all goes down to one thing, I think too much. i mean, WAY to much. And it comes out as jelously and gives me insecurities.

Im in a 15 month relationship. I guess you could say a farly strong one seen as we've helped him over come his Cancer whilst we have been together and that hasnt effected us, but what has effected us is me.

(this probally dosn't make any sense at the moment)

When we first started going out i felt AMAZING about my self. I had the boy EVERY one fancied at sixthform.Gorgeous, long hair, Amazing eyes, he had everyone falling at their feet, and when he said yes to going out with me my self confidence sky rocketed.

But now, its sunk to an all time low. I am so insecure i dont know what to do and im in tears over it everynight. All i can think about is him finding someone else because hes so great, and i feel like crap, like he deserves so much better and he could do better in every department (looks, Brains, Breasts...etc) and to top it off, not long after we started going out i asked about a girl he used to fancy, and i got "shes way out of my league" which made me feel like ****. As she is amazingly pretty, really really brainy and has HUGE breasts. (As u can tell i hate mine).

EVERYTHING makes me down. Jut the thought of him watching porn, Even when we are out, even if he just glances at another girl i want to cry.

And get this, this is how bad it is, He bought a plectrum with a mad the other day, and it has a women on it, even THAT made me mad.

I dont know how to stop it. I even get down when other girls comment him on myspace. When hes out because i think of him looking at other girls n wishing i looked like them.

I need to stop how i feel because its started to take its toll, he knows how i feel and he says he loves me and that im perfect and all he needs is me so why cant i believe him. Why am i like this? Ive never been cheated on, never cheated on anyone.

So why? I need to know how to stop all of this because its driving me mad, and what makes it worse is im going southend college next year and hes at sixth form where we live so we are going to be apart and he is going to be surrounded by all these girls.

Please dont give me any rude comments back, becuase i dont need to be hurt any more than im making my self feel now. And yes i know its my own fault but i need to know how to stop this


okay you make sence to this, you love a guy who you have been in a 15 months relationship with, hes had CANCER!! you helped him over that, you stood by his side and both of you got over it, he picked YOU out of eveyone! u say there are girls with bigger breasts and stuff, but maybe in his eyes thats not a attractive thing, i mean yes guys are attracted to breasts but most guys i know just get put off really big ones.
now as you have been there for him in the most bad time of his life, why on earth would he go off with another girl? i mean he tells you, that you are preety, and when he does you have got to believe him! and as for him looking at other girls, well that in human nature, i'm sure every boy/girl does it when there in a relationship, i mean i'm sure your bf does not say "omg! she is fit! i wanna dump this girl i've been with for 15 months, thats helped me a lot and of after this really good looking one that i hardly know" it so does not make any sence, i can say this from experiance because when i frist going out i felt the same!
i hope it helped because its true!!
Reply 13
lilac!!
okay you make sence to this, you love a guy who you have been in a 15 months relationship with, hes had CANCER!! you helped him over that, you stood by his side and both of you got over it, he picked YOU out of eveyone! u say there are girls with bigger breasts and stuff, but maybe in his eyes thats not a attractive thing, i mean yes guys are attracted to breasts but most guys i know just get put off really big ones.
now as you have been there for him in the most bad time of his life, why on earth would he go off with another girl? i mean he tells you, that you are preety, and when he does you have got to believe him! and as for him looking at other girls, well that in human nature, i'm sure every boy/girl does it when there in a relationship, i mean i'm sure your bf does not say "omg! she is fit! i wanna dump this girl i've been with for 15 months, thats helped me a lot and of after this really good looking one that i hardly know" it so does not make any sence, i can say this from experiance because when i frist going out i felt the same!
i hope it helped because its true!!


But with him lookin at other girls, Makes me feel bad because i feel that im not good enough to look at and that he has to look at others because im not "up to scratch".

in the end i know that we have been through alot, but that isnt just going to keep us together is it

(By the way thank you for all of this :smile: )
lalax-x
But with him lookin at other girls, Makes me feel bad because i feel that im not good enough to look at and that he has to look at others because im not "up to scratch".


That really depends. He could really like you, but when your not around has nothing to look at if you get what i mean :cool: but if hes always looking at other girls in your presence, thats not very nice.
Reply 15
Your issues are with yourself... you need to address these... tackle them head on, take action and by this I mean with yourself - when you feel low, not good enough, stop such thoughts and tell yourself things which are good about yourself/what you have got going for you. I've felt like this too (certainly relate to the 'thinking too much' stuff) and something i found really good is a paul mckenna technique: Close your eyes and imagine you are looking at you through the eyes of someone you really care about and trust and now imagine how they would describe you as a person, why they like you, etc. then when you are feeling low, remember this!

As for looking at other girls... I had a relationship where my partners was very jealous - even had issues about me looking at someone of TV (he was pretty insecure) and I found this frustrating as I only had eyes for him, he knew that and he used to comment on girls all the time (including gawking out his car window!). Then I had another relationship with someone who said looking was fine as long as that was all it was because at the end of the day, it was me he was with and wanted to be with. Was quite incredible really because he would look at girls and make occasionaly comments, but because he was so open and honest, I really trusted him and kind of thought "wow! he thinks the girl is really pretty and she is really pretty, but he has picked me over her". Your issues aren't with your fella looking at other lasses, they are with you... try and figure out what is/has been the trigger for this low self esteem...it may be something completly away from your relationship too!
Reply 16
lalax-x
in the end i know that we have been through alot, but that isnt just going to keep us together is it

Yes it is. That's a very powerful factor you've just described there, you have been through a lot. You are good enough to be with him, despite what your fears might tell you (many people are afraid of the dark, but none have been attacked by boogey monsters yet :smile:). He's as lucky to be with you as you are to be with him, and you shouldn't let petty worries get in the way of that.
Reply 17
lalax-x
Right before I even start writing, what i have in my head is alot. So I understand if people arn't bothered about reading it, I guess it might just help writing it down...Somehow.

I havent got a clue where to start. so ill just write all in what's in my mind. (excuse any errors with spelling)

To start with, i have issues. And i have tryed for the past god knows how long to sort them out. it all goes down to one thing, I think too much. i mean, WAY to much. And it comes out as jelously and gives me insecurities.

Im in a 15 month relationship. I guess you could say a farly strong one seen as we've helped him over come his Cancer whilst we have been together and that hasnt effected us, but what has effected us is me.

(this probally dosn't make any sense at the moment)

When we first started going out i felt AMAZING about my self. I had the boy EVERY one fancied at sixthform.Gorgeous, long hair, Amazing eyes, he had everyone falling at their feet, and when he said yes to going out with me my self confidence sky rocketed.

But now, its sunk to an all time low. I am so insecure i dont know what to do and im in tears over it everynight. All i can think about is him finding someone else because hes so great, and i feel like crap, like he deserves so much better and he could do better in every department (looks, Brains, Breasts...etc) and to top it off, not long after we started going out i asked about a girl he used to fancy, and i got "shes way out of my league" which made me feel like ****. As she is amazingly pretty, really really brainy and has HUGE breasts. (As u can tell i hate mine).

EVERYTHING makes me down. Jut the thought of him watching porn, Even when we are out, even if he just glances at another girl i want to cry.

And get this, this is how bad it is, He bought a plectrum with a mad the other day, and it has a women on it, even THAT made me mad.

I dont know how to stop it. I even get down when other girls comment him on myspace. When hes out because i think of him looking at other girls n wishing i looked like them.

I need to stop how i feel because its started to take its toll, he knows how i feel and he says he loves me and that im perfect and all he needs is me so why cant i believe him. Why am i like this? Ive never been cheated on, never cheated on anyone.

So why? I need to know how to stop all of this because its driving me mad, and what makes it worse is im going southend college next year and hes at sixth form where we live so we are going to be apart and he is going to be surrounded by all these girls.

Please dont give me any rude comments back, becuase i dont need to be hurt any more than im making my self feel now. And yes i know its my own fault but i need to know how to stop this


god you do feel crap!
i know how you feel, and it isn't a good feeling too.

i won't leave a rude comment but i'll try and leave some words of advice.

you really shouldn't feel like, why doesn't he like them? why does he want me for? i'm nothing - because the more you think like that the less he will think of you. if you have something good, grab it with both hands and keep it close.. you should be so chuffed you have someone people would absolutely love to have! as for a girl being way out of his league, this was 15 months ago that you asked him what he thought of the girl, don't feel rubbish because he chose to be with you, come on he chose to be with you, not with her!

appreciate it! don't make yourself feel so low, there probably is an amazing person behind your 'breasts' that he appreciates heaps, i'm surprised why you don't get it, but seriously the more you question why hes still with you, the more likely it is that he'll end it with you and move on, and again you'll be the one who gets hurt.

i'm sure you're lovely, hes probably not made you feel amazing like he did when he first met you but i bet he still thinks the same. a lot of guys don't feel like they have to tell you stuff like that, but just watch the little things he does for you, the discreet ways he'll try and make you feel amazing!

seriously you have nothing to worry about, when he starts meeting other girls behind your back and starts hiding stuff from you, then be worried.
as for his porn likingness, it is pretty crap but thats what a lot of guys are like.. tell him you don't like it, let him know how you feel, i'm sure after a 15 month relationship he'll be pretty understanding.



now i didn't write all that for you to say, but yeah.. but no.. so i hope my words of 'advice' will come in handy.
Reply 18
lalax-x


I need to stop how i feel because its started to take its toll, he knows how i feel and he says he loves me and that im perfect and all he needs is me



Listen to him. Someone you've been through all that with, been with for that long, wouldn't lie, And he picked you over all of those other girls. He's with you over all of those other girls. It sounds like he loves and accepts you exactly how you are. As much as you feel all of this, you're running the risk of driving him away. If it was me I'd love him even more for still loving me over all of those other things and let him know it.
I have been seeing my boyfriend for nearly a year, I sometimes feel I let him down in big ways because I got slight depressed last year and some days it took a lot to get me out of bed and sometimes I would take out my frustrution on him. I am also very emotional where he is a soooo laid back which is sometimes a rather bad combo.

I also use to get jealous espically of one girl. But these days I don't because I look back on the year we have had and I don't think of the bad times. He has treated me like a princess and I couldn't have ask for anyone better. I haven't seen him in three months yet I have this giant bunny holding a carrot teddy which he gave me and everytime I see or hug it, it sends me his warmth and kindness and it is a great feeling to have.

As for the porn and looking at other women, well he isn't dead just because he is with you. He is natually going to check out other girls. Its part of being human, our animal passions to procreate. You probably check out other guys without reasiling it. So what if he looks at other girls or another girls check him out, from you description, he sounds like the loyal type and you will be only one to have him...your special in that way.

Don't give yourself a hard time and start enjoying being with your boyfriend. It is these days you'll remember when your 40 with kids and a husband who forgets your birthday. :biggrin: