The Student Room Group

just friendship with benefits?

There's a girl that i like a lot and i've known her for a couple of years. In the past few months i've been seeing a lot more of her and we do things couples do: hold hands, properly kiss, cuddle when she comes to mine, but we're not a couple. We're both going away to university in october and i'm worried that i've fallen for her a bit too much. i'm pretty sure she doesn't want a relationship - she's not the type to be tied down. But i'm starting to want more than what we've got. i don't know what to do. i'm scared to say anything to her in case it scares her off and i lose her for good but at the same time i feel empty and confused because i want so much more than what seems like some friendship with benefits.
tell her and go for it =)

something more may develop, from what you're doing it sounds like she's interested.


Fair enough you're both going to uni but don't let possibilites be a factor or hold you back from what you may have now.

ask her out officially and make sure she gives you an answer, kissing etc doesnt count. what have you got to lose?
Reply 3
i get mixed signals from her though. her friends ask her what's going on between us and she avoids answering the question and changes the subject. that makes me think she's not interested in anything more than a bit of fun. i don't want to lay my heart on the line if she's gonna turn me down.
Anonymous
i get mixed signals from her though. her friends ask her what's going on between us and she avoids answering the question and changes the subject. that makes me think she's not interested in anything more than a bit of fun. i don't want to lay my heart on the line if she's gonna turn me down.


sounds like she doesnt know whats going on any more than you do. as it is she will go to uni and you will lose her, if you ask her out then she might stay with you.
Reply 5
Maybe she avoids the question because she doesnt want to assume anything between you two. Could work both ways. You pretty much have a bf/gf relationship anyway, just without the sex.
Reply 6
why did you decide to be friends with benefits? I don't understand your reasoning. If you're doing all the things you say you do, it's not like telling other people you're a couple (more or less serious), will change whether you'll get hurt or not.

I think the issue here is whether you or she are comfortable being seen as a couple. As usual in these situations, it has virtually NOTHING to do with the whole "things mustn't get serious, we mustn't get emotionally attached" rubbish because whether you tell people you're a couple who are just having fun or whether you don't, is not what changes how you feel.

If you choose not to be seen as a couple, it's because you might have an issue (i.e. don't want to be seen associated with that other person, might be somewhat ashamed).
MickeyG
Maybe she avoids the question because she doesnt want to assume anything between you two. Could work both ways. You pretty much have a bf/gf relationship anyway, just without the sex.


friends with benefits kinda implies sex. but like he said she probably doesnt want to say your going out and scare you off with the idea of commitment.
Anonymous
i get mixed signals from her though. her friends ask her what's going on between us and she avoids answering the question and changes the subject. that makes me think she's not interested in anything more than a bit of fun. i don't want to lay my heart on the line if she's gonna turn me down.

Maybe because she doesn't want them to think any less of her? Or she isn't too sure because she's waiting for you?


And LAY YOUR HEART ON THE LINE! for christs sake, you need to take some chances!
Reply 9
we didn't decide to be friends with couply stuff involved, it just happened, if you know what i mean. things have just happened, not sleeping together though, and no one's asked questions about it. it just seemed natural. i'm worried cos i know her mates have said she doesn't want to settle down.
Reply 10
Anonymous
we didn't decide to be friends with couply stuff involved, it just happened, if you know what i mean. things have just happened, not sleeping together though, and no one's asked questions about it. it just seemed natural. i'm worried cos i know her mates have said she doesn't want to settle down.


I think the way she behaves around her friends when you're mentioned is the true indicator. Do you think that, if she met a guy she was totally in awe in front of, she'd behave the same way?
Reply 11
You need to know if you're good enough for a relationship. At the moment, you don't know yet. It's hard but just ask her. If she says she doesn't want a relationship, tell her that you're not interested in this whole thing if she's not interested in having a relationship with you. At least you'll know if she thought you were worth having a relationship with.

If the benefits you're getting until she leaves, seem worth more than the possibility of a relationship, then keep the status quo.
You two perhaps need to talk and decide what you really want in this friendship, do you want it to go further or do you want to be just friends but do some things that couples do, above all you both need to ask each other where you stand together.