Moved on .. But still have feelings for the girl, not sure what to make of it
Now before you all comment saying "if you still like her then you haven't moved on", let me give you a brief amount of background
During the summer of my first year of uni i had sudden realisation that i actually liked my best friend (only realised when she starting dating a friend (who's now more like an acquaintance) anyway as time moved forwards i began to realise that i actually loved this girl ... as cliché as it sounds i actually wanted to marry her and start a family with her (i know that's an odd thing for a then 20 year old) to say, i told her how i feel after a particularly bad breakdown (cried for two hours straight (pretty much)), she was my first love ... she was perfect to me
Now i've graduated uni, i'm no longer in love with her, however i still have some feelings for her and part of me is still wanting us to be together (even though i know it's not going to happen), i'm perfectly fine trying for other girls, i don't feel like i'm doing anything wrong, (when i was still in love with her if i got flirty with another girl i felt bad inside cos all i wanted was her ...) not actually had any dates mind you, none of the girls i liked, liked me back in that way but i digress
As far as i know i'm not giving off any signals that i still have feelings for this girl, i only mention her if we've already had the "we're just friends" talk
What i'm not sure on is whether i will ever get over these feelings or weather i'll be this guy that won't go to her wedding because i can't stand her marrying someone that isn't me
Apologies if this is slightly confusing, i'm not quite sure how to phrase this question so ...
During the summer of my first year of uni i had sudden realisation that i actually liked my best friend (only realised when she starting dating a friend (who's now more like an acquaintance) anyway as time moved forwards i began to realise that i actually loved this girl ... as cliché as it sounds i actually wanted to marry her and start a family with her (i know that's an odd thing for a then 20 year old) to say, i told her how i feel after a particularly bad breakdown (cried for two hours straight (pretty much)), she was my first love ... she was perfect to me
Now i've graduated uni, i'm no longer in love with her, however i still have some feelings for her and part of me is still wanting us to be together (even though i know it's not going to happen), i'm perfectly fine trying for other girls, i don't feel like i'm doing anything wrong, (when i was still in love with her if i got flirty with another girl i felt bad inside cos all i wanted was her ...) not actually had any dates mind you, none of the girls i liked, liked me back in that way but i digress
As far as i know i'm not giving off any signals that i still have feelings for this girl, i only mention her if we've already had the "we're just friends" talk
What i'm not sure on is whether i will ever get over these feelings or weather i'll be this guy that won't go to her wedding because i can't stand her marrying someone that isn't me
Apologies if this is slightly confusing, i'm not quite sure how to phrase this question so ...
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I guess it's just the familiarity, that's why you still have some feelings for her. That, and you don't seem to have had the chance to fully have closure and move on? I guess that's how it is in your case?
I hope things go well for you
I hope things go well for you
Original post by LaughingKitsune
I guess it's just the familiarity, that's why you still have some feelings for her. That, and you don't seem to have had the chance to fully have closure and move on? I guess that's how it is in your case?
I hope things go well for you
I hope things go well for you
In whay way have i not had full closure?
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Maybe full closure could come from finding someone else that you'd end up falling in love with. I've been in the same situation a couple of times, and trust me, it'll help
Maybe some distance ought to help too?
Maybe some distance ought to help too?
Original post by LaughingKitsune
Maybe full closure could come from finding someone else that you'd end up falling in love with. I've been in the same situation a couple of times, and trust me, it'll help
Maybe some distance ought to help too?
Maybe some distance ought to help too?
We already are far apart, we attended different uni's she also still has a year to go on hers, but she was my best friend before these feelings, she's still my best friend after ...
One of the things i did do (albeit reluctantly was reduce the contact i had with her, i went from talking to her every day to once ever couple of weeks)
I completely understand where you are coming from OP. That first paragraph almost mimics the way I felt about a girl during my time at university. She didn't like me back and just saw me as her best friend but we would spend so much time together and enjoy each other's company. As the first girl I'd ever been in to, I saw her as 'the one' and it got to the point where a relationship was all I wanted. Then I got close to someone else but she rejected me cos she thought I was still into the above girl. The only way I truly moved on was by cutting contact.
So my advice to you- Time is a healer but you have to ask yourself whether it's worth pursuing this girl any further. When you harbour such strong feelings towards someone and those aren't reciprocated, this can lead to jealousy and resentment on your behalf. If she gets another boyfriend, you'll be frustrated cos he's getting what you want. The best thing to do is minimise the contact and forget about her, otherwise she will always be in the back of your mind/used for comparison to other girls who will never match up.
So my advice to you- Time is a healer but you have to ask yourself whether it's worth pursuing this girl any further. When you harbour such strong feelings towards someone and those aren't reciprocated, this can lead to jealousy and resentment on your behalf. If she gets another boyfriend, you'll be frustrated cos he's getting what you want. The best thing to do is minimise the contact and forget about her, otherwise she will always be in the back of your mind/used for comparison to other girls who will never match up.
I once had a massive crush on my best friend for like 9 months. She knew most of the time. After she got out of her relationship, she started to lik me too. However, she didn't wanna go out with me (due to getting out of the other relationship and some other stuff). Even though I don't consciously think about the whole situation when she's around, and I definitely don't like her like that anymore, always like her a little. So I know what ya mean bruh.
Posted from TSR Mobile
Posted from TSR Mobile
What you should have done from the start is remove her from your life once she did not reciprocate your feelings. By remaining friends with her you have protracted the recovery process tremendously. Nothing good will come out of this friendship for you and nothing should, because deep down it's not friendship you're after.
Original post by ilem
What you should have done from the start is remove her from your life once she did not reciprocate your feelings. By remaining friends with her you have protracted the recovery process tremendously. Nothing good will come out of this friendship for you and nothing should, because deep down it's not friendship you're after.
I normally do cut all contact, but i just couldn't with her; she was my first real friend at uni and as most of my friends back home are pricks i'd rather not loose anymore
Original post by Tomsta
I normally do cut all contact, but i just couldn't with her; she was my first real friend at uni and as most of my friends back home are pricks i'd rather not loose anymore
Well you have to choose between your mental wellbeing and the prospect of having to make some new friends. You will very likely not get over her if you don't stop talking to her if you haven't in 3 years.
Original post by ilem
Well you have to choose between your mental wellbeing and the prospect of having to make some new friends. You will very likely not get over her if you don't stop talking to her if you haven't in 3 years.
It's not that i can't make new friends it's that i don't want history to repeat itself (in terms of loosing my friends that is not the first love thing)
This is why you should never be friends with exs
I'm afraid this is a matter of time. Just ride it out - You'll grow as a person and it'll all make sense. Trust me
Ugh! The we're just friends talk! I hate having those with guys who crush on me...sometimes people should just give those guys a break! I mean, I know they are unfortunate in love but don't crowd other men with your rubbish, yeah? Also I really don't like stating the same thing over and over and over and over and over again until people get the message that some girls in the world do atually love clothes and shoes and themselves more than men and having gazillion babies to reign in a happy marriage! 
...
I don't get one poit of your post though...did she like you back? You just stated that she liked you in a way other girls never did before? Or do you feel bad about not trying it out with the girl who liked you so much even though you liked someone else?
I think you better go out and meet more people...it's help you move on! If she is your best friend and you genuinely believe you can never go out with her because she has choices of her own that you just do not match with, then it's better off not brooding bout it. There are tonnes of amazing women in the world, it won't be so difficult to find a girl who actualy loves you back this time!
Meanwhile, just try to remain mates, yeah?
...
I don't get one poit of your post though...did she like you back? You just stated that she liked you in a way other girls never did before? Or do you feel bad about not trying it out with the girl who liked you so much even though you liked someone else?
I think you better go out and meet more people...it's help you move on! If she is your best friend and you genuinely believe you can never go out with her because she has choices of her own that you just do not match with, then it's better off not brooding bout it. There are tonnes of amazing women in the world, it won't be so difficult to find a girl who actualy loves you back this time!
Meanwhile, just try to remain mates, yeah?
(edited 9 years ago)
The best way to get over a girl is to get with another one (as you realise that you can be equally as happy with other girls, the past girl isn't the only person in the world who can make you happy etc).
Therefore you haven't moved on from her because she is the 'latest' girl. Granted by now the feelings would usually have just gone away naturally, but the fact that she is the one that got away has caused them to last abnormally long.
So yeh I'd say just keep looking.
Also out of interest what did the girl say when you confessed your feelings? As if it was just that she currently had a boyfriend you can't say it will never happen, as it might if they ever broke up.
Therefore you haven't moved on from her because she is the 'latest' girl. Granted by now the feelings would usually have just gone away naturally, but the fact that she is the one that got away has caused them to last abnormally long.
So yeh I'd say just keep looking.
Also out of interest what did the girl say when you confessed your feelings? As if it was just that she currently had a boyfriend you can't say it will never happen, as it might if they ever broke up.
Original post by Herry Bawl Sak
This is why you should never be friends with exs
She isnt an ex ... we never dated
Posted from TSR Mobile
Original post by Scott.M
The best way to get over a girl is to get with another one (as you realise that you can be equally as happy with other girls, the past girl isn't the only person in the world who can make you happy etc).
Therefore you haven't moved on from her because she is the 'latest' girl. Granted by now the feelings would usually have just gone away naturally, but the fact that she is the one that got away has caused them to last abnormally long.
So yeh I'd say just keep looking.
Also out of interest what did the girl say when you confessed your feelings? As if it was just that she currently had a boyfriend you can't say it will never happen, as it might if they ever broke up.
Therefore you haven't moved on from her because she is the 'latest' girl. Granted by now the feelings would usually have just gone away naturally, but the fact that she is the one that got away has caused them to last abnormally long.
So yeh I'd say just keep looking.
Also out of interest what did the girl say when you confessed your feelings? As if it was just that she currently had a boyfriend you can't say it will never happen, as it might if they ever broke up.
She is single now and has been for a fre months ... but she alreadt rold me no so snd ehen i told her dhe was kinda speechless in a good way, although she already knew i liked her
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Original post by Fashion Girl
Ugh! The we're just friends talk! I hate having those with guys who crush on me...sometimes people should just give those guys a break! I mean, I know they are unfortunate in love but don't crowd other men with your rubbish, yeah? Also I really don't like stating the same thing over and over and over and over and over again until people get the message that some girls in the world do atually love clothes and shoes and themselves more than men and having gazillion babies to reign in a happy marriage!
...
I don't get one poit of your post though...did she like you back? You just stated that she liked you in a way other girls never did before? Or do you feel bad about not trying it out with the girl who liked you so much even though you liked someone else?
I think you better go out and meet more people...it's help you move on! If she is your best friend and you genuinely believe you can never go out with her because she has choices of her own that you just do not match with, then it's better off not brooding bout it. There are tonnes of amazing women in the world, it won't be so difficult to find a girl who actualy loves you back this time!
Meanwhile, just try to remain mates, yeah?
...
I don't get one poit of your post though...did she like you back? You just stated that she liked you in a way other girls never did before? Or do you feel bad about not trying it out with the girl who liked you so much even though you liked someone else?
I think you better go out and meet more people...it's help you move on! If she is your best friend and you genuinely believe you can never go out with her because she has choices of her own that you just do not match with, then it's better off not brooding bout it. There are tonnes of amazing women in the world, it won't be so difficult to find a girl who actualy loves you back this time!
Meanwhile, just try to remain mates, yeah?
No she didn't reciprocate the feelings, i don't think she ever did, to put it intp context i ended writing (and sending) a love letter to her in a hope to gain some closure (even though by then she knew everything, my feelings for her etc.)
Original post by Tomsta
You missed my point altogether.
You wouldn't stay friends with an ex right? Because of the feelings of hurt, etc ....
So you shouldn't stay friends with someone who doesn't reciprocate your feelings, for the same reason.
Original post by Herry Bawl Sak
You missed my point altogether.
You wouldn't stay friends with an ex right? Because of the feelings of hurt, etc ....
So you shouldn't stay friends with someone who doesn't reciprocate your feelings, for the same reason.
You wouldn't stay friends with an ex right? Because of the feelings of hurt, etc ....
So you shouldn't stay friends with someone who doesn't reciprocate your feelings, for the same reason.
i'd try to stay friends with an ex, just cos we broke up doesn't mean we can't be civil
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