Tips on leading a happy life?
Do you have any tips on having a happy life?
Yesterday I realised the majority of my fears involved being judged by others, so I need to work on my confidence before I can actually enjoy my life. I know I shouldn't care about what other people think but I do and it stops me from doing so much.
In your experience is it easier to be happy when not caring what others think? And how did you do that?
Posted from TSR Mobile
Yesterday I realised the majority of my fears involved being judged by others, so I need to work on my confidence before I can actually enjoy my life. I know I shouldn't care about what other people think but I do and it stops me from doing so much.
In your experience is it easier to be happy when not caring what others think? And how did you do that?
Posted from TSR Mobile
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Original post by snowystarks
Do you have any tips on having a happy life?
Yesterday I realised the majority of my fears involved being judged by others, so I need to work on my confidence before I can actually enjoy my life. I know I shouldn't care about what other people think but I do and it stops me from doing so much.
In your experience is it easier to be happy when not caring what others think? And how did you do that?
Posted from TSR Mobile
Yesterday I realised the majority of my fears involved being judged by others, so I need to work on my confidence before I can actually enjoy my life. I know I shouldn't care about what other people think but I do and it stops me from doing so much.
In your experience is it easier to be happy when not caring what others think? And how did you do that?
Posted from TSR Mobile
I fear being judged or disliked by other people, and realise that letting this go could bring me a kind of happiness. My deeper fear though, is that I am fundamentally not a good person, and only by holding myself up to some kind of standard (eg: pleasing other people) can I amend for that :s I feel quite lost as though I don't have internal bearings, as though I am an illusion of a person but what is really there.. That's a thought for another day.
Ultimately I think happiness is found in forcing yourself to look away from those fears and to simply try to be nice in the little ways, and be nice to yourself too, not too critical. There is something grounding and universal about kindness, so just try to be kind and don't dwell as much on your failures, but the next goal. Im not very good at that. I wish I had a better personality that I didn't have to force myself to be kind, as it were
I wish I had a stronger sense of who I was, and could like that person. I don't know how to fix it. I'm sorry haha, that probably didn't help much at all.
Original post by snowystarks
In your experience is it easier to be happy when not caring what others think? And how did you do that?
Posted from TSR Mobile
In your experience is it easier to be happy when not caring what others think? And how did you do that?
Posted from TSR Mobile
Yes. You just need to chill out about everything and take a more laidback stance. The majority of the time, you'll realise most people don't even care about what you do, and aren't judging you in the slightest. Just do whatever you want to do, wear what you want, act how you want - and there will be people who love that about you and appreciate the way you actually are.
Surrounding yourself with good, positive people will definitely help to make you happier. Recognising a relationship is toxic and ending it, although difficult, is very important. Something I've only just realised 
I imagine it's much easier to be happy when not caring about what others think of you, but I'm not at that stage myself either so can't give you a definite answer
I imagine it's much easier to be happy when not caring about what others think of you, but I'm not at that stage myself either so can't give you a definite answer
1 word
Spoiler
I don't think it's possible to not care what people think, but you can probably get yourself into a position where you'd assume they'll think positive thoughts. I used to say I didn't care, but I was(/am) just distancing myself from people. How much I cared didn't change, I just wasn't around people enough to think about it, I guess.
I have a naturally nonchalant and bold personality, plus I'm highly determined, so i don't give a damn what others think or say ultimately. it's not my business what they do.
But then for me happiness is about having goals/direction, choosing relationships well (platonic and romantic and business), having optimism, and being open to change since we can't control everything.
I don't subscribe to this Eastern-esque belief of meditation and gratitude. I think humans are better off tackling issues first hand, not being passive and sitting in a room and meditating.
But then for me happiness is about having goals/direction, choosing relationships well (platonic and romantic and business), having optimism, and being open to change since we can't control everything.
I don't subscribe to this Eastern-esque belief of meditation and gratitude. I think humans are better off tackling issues first hand, not being passive and sitting in a room and meditating.
Basically this, except I personally disagree about the gratitude thing. I think being thankful for what/who you have is massively important.
Original post by septimius
I have a naturally nonchalant and bold personality, plus I'm highly determined, so i don't give a damn what others think or say ultimately. it's not my business what they do.
But then for me happiness is about having goals/direction, choosing relationships well (platonic and romantic and business), having optimism, and being open to change since we can't control everything.
I don't subscribe to this Eastern-esque belief of meditation and gratitude. I think humans are better off tackling issues first hand, not being passive and sitting in a room and meditating.
But then for me happiness is about having goals/direction, choosing relationships well (platonic and romantic and business), having optimism, and being open to change since we can't control everything.
I don't subscribe to this Eastern-esque belief of meditation and gratitude. I think humans are better off tackling issues first hand, not being passive and sitting in a room and meditating.
It's good to realise that most people judge themselves far more than they judge other people. It may also be good to realise that the judgement of people who would judge someone out of hand is meaningless. I reckon that nonchalance is a good trait to have - though I can understand that you might not be able to just 'become nonchalant'.
Deffo think it's easier to be happy when you don't care about what others thing. I used to bother with that stuff (although not as much as a friend I once had, it drove her mad- not literally). The way you do that is...as cheesy as it sounds, you have to love yourself. You need to understand that there is only ONE you in the entire world. You are a unique combination of codes and there is no one who will exactly be like you/think like you/act like you. You have to stop bothering about your physical insecurities. For me I once used to think of ALL the things I would change about my face/body if I had been given the chance (and the list was massive). After ditching that BS and embracing myself for the 10/10 that I am, life is great. (Maybe not 10 but who cares)
Original post by snowystarks
Do you have any tips on having a happy life?
Yesterday I realised the majority of my fears involved being judged by others, so I need to work on my confidence before I can actually enjoy my life. I know I shouldn't care about what other people think but I do and it stops me from doing so much.
In your experience is it easier to be happy when not caring what others think? And how did you do that?
Posted from TSR Mobile
Yesterday I realised the majority of my fears involved being judged by others, so I need to work on my confidence before I can actually enjoy my life. I know I shouldn't care about what other people think but I do and it stops me from doing so much.
In your experience is it easier to be happy when not caring what others think? And how did you do that?
Posted from TSR Mobile
Original post by xDave-
I don't think it's possible to not care what people think, but you can probably get yourself into a position where you'd assume they'll think positive thoughts. I used to say I didn't care, but I was(/am) just distancing myself from people. How much I cared didn't change, I just wasn't around people enough to think about it, I guess.
It's the weight people place on others' thoughts. For me, I don't care if others don't like me, since I just mentally/emotionally dismiss it. But I accept they can and will dislike me and i can't necessarily change what they think (nor necessarily have a right to).
I just feel happy all the time; don't know why. I used to feel pretty crappy about nearly everything then I just realised that one day I'm going to be dead so might as well make the most of the time I do have. I do care what other people think but I'm happy enough with who I am that I don't mind if someone doesn't like me. Whereas when I was younger, (mostly during secondary school) I was desperate to fit in as much as possible (which I failed to do).
Basically just live your life for yourself and not for your reputation.
Basically just live your life for yourself and not for your reputation.
Original post by somethingunique
Basically this, except I personally disagree about the gratitude thing. I think being thankful for what/who you have is massively important.
Gratitude is nonsense.
One of the best tips I heard on being happy is 'don't believe everything you think'. The mind has a tendency to put a negative sheen over everything and tell you you're not good enough, not confident enough, not capable, did something badly etc., but when you step back and actually analyse these thoughts rationally, you suddenly realise that they're simply not realistic! Often you can beat yourself up over events or mistakes which are actually perfectly reasonable. For example, I've been training in a new job, and I went to a training event where in one task, I felt I didn't do very well. So my mind instantly told me I must be rubbish at the job, I shouldn't even be trying, I'm incapable of this kind of work, etc. But eventually, when I stepped back from this thought and analysed the event in question, I realised that the mistakes I made were only to be expected! I'm new to the job, I'm still learning, I'm bound to make mistakes, the person I was working with was being utterly unreasonable, and I must allow myself to make mistakes. That's a part of learning and growing. So in summary, don't believe everything you think; your mind is not the centre of wisdom and truth, but can often be too much of a perfectionist for its own good.
Secondly, and this is closely tied with the first one, be compassionate and gentle with yourself. If I had a friend who started speaking to me like my mind sometimes does (you're not good enough, you're not funny enough, you're incapable etc.), I would think they were completely horrible and totally out of order! A decent friend would tell you that you are a great person, that everyone makes mistakes, and would list all your good qualities (e.g. you're organised, polite, friendly, creative, kind, thoughtful, a hard worker etc.). Allow your mind to do this without guilt. I found it hard at first because my mind would attack me for being arrogant and for praising myself undeservedly, but I would simply argue with it - I do deserve this praise because these things are true about me. (I'm not crazy, I swear. :P) So in short, be nice to yourself; you love yourself really, under all that (often unreasonable) criticism.
Thirdly, a key part of happiness is positive thinking and gratitude. I recently started an exercise where, before sleeping each night, I would write down 5 things I was grateful for that day (even little things, like sunny weather, going for a walk in the woods, having time to relax and play video games, spending time with my friends or family etc.). It's surprising how this can affect the way you think during the day. I started thinking much more positively. If it was raining, I wouldn't think, 'Oh god well isn't this miserable', I'd think, 'This is actually kind of refreshing, and it's nice being inside in the warm'. So doing this exercise is quite effective to increase general happiness and I'd definitely recommend gratitude as a useful tool for positive thinking.
Compassion is another key part of happiness. Being compassionate and nice to others can have positive effects for you. Whenever I enter any kind of conflict with others, it dampens my mood for the rest of the day - especially if it turned out I was in the wrong or was too harsh on the other person. So with every interaction, remember to be kind and compassionate and to focus on making the other person feel appreciated and happy, even if they're, for instance, just one customer in a long line of customers at your till at work, or an acquaintance you don't know very well. Not only does it make the other person feel happy and valued, but it also increases your own happiness as you end each interaction with a good relationship with the other person, feeling well-liked and positive.
Finally, avoiding constant blame is another piece of advice I've found useful. You want the world to be a certain way - you want everyone to drive safely, you want people to be friendly to you, you want to do well in every exam you take, etc. - but often it is not this way. Rather than immediately blaming everything and everyone around you and casting a negative light on everything, just accept that these things do happen, and they are a part of life. For instance, if a car overtakes you and comes perilously close to scraping your car, you might want to get furious and rant about all the unsafe drivers out there, and how the world would be such a better place if these people didn't exist. But the fact is, they do exist, and ranting about them won't harm them, but only your own mood. So of course you can't really help feeling that flare of anger at first, but from there, think rationally, and don't let such an event get to you; the other person in question will probably have given it no thought at all!
Wow, sorry for the essay, but I've read some useful books on this subject and it's all coming back to me! I'd recommend 'How to be Happy' by Cara Stein who puts all this much better than I have. Hope you feel happier soon. :P
Secondly, and this is closely tied with the first one, be compassionate and gentle with yourself. If I had a friend who started speaking to me like my mind sometimes does (you're not good enough, you're not funny enough, you're incapable etc.), I would think they were completely horrible and totally out of order! A decent friend would tell you that you are a great person, that everyone makes mistakes, and would list all your good qualities (e.g. you're organised, polite, friendly, creative, kind, thoughtful, a hard worker etc.). Allow your mind to do this without guilt. I found it hard at first because my mind would attack me for being arrogant and for praising myself undeservedly, but I would simply argue with it - I do deserve this praise because these things are true about me. (I'm not crazy, I swear. :P) So in short, be nice to yourself; you love yourself really, under all that (often unreasonable) criticism.
Thirdly, a key part of happiness is positive thinking and gratitude. I recently started an exercise where, before sleeping each night, I would write down 5 things I was grateful for that day (even little things, like sunny weather, going for a walk in the woods, having time to relax and play video games, spending time with my friends or family etc.). It's surprising how this can affect the way you think during the day. I started thinking much more positively. If it was raining, I wouldn't think, 'Oh god well isn't this miserable', I'd think, 'This is actually kind of refreshing, and it's nice being inside in the warm'. So doing this exercise is quite effective to increase general happiness and I'd definitely recommend gratitude as a useful tool for positive thinking.
Compassion is another key part of happiness. Being compassionate and nice to others can have positive effects for you. Whenever I enter any kind of conflict with others, it dampens my mood for the rest of the day - especially if it turned out I was in the wrong or was too harsh on the other person. So with every interaction, remember to be kind and compassionate and to focus on making the other person feel appreciated and happy, even if they're, for instance, just one customer in a long line of customers at your till at work, or an acquaintance you don't know very well. Not only does it make the other person feel happy and valued, but it also increases your own happiness as you end each interaction with a good relationship with the other person, feeling well-liked and positive.
Finally, avoiding constant blame is another piece of advice I've found useful. You want the world to be a certain way - you want everyone to drive safely, you want people to be friendly to you, you want to do well in every exam you take, etc. - but often it is not this way. Rather than immediately blaming everything and everyone around you and casting a negative light on everything, just accept that these things do happen, and they are a part of life. For instance, if a car overtakes you and comes perilously close to scraping your car, you might want to get furious and rant about all the unsafe drivers out there, and how the world would be such a better place if these people didn't exist. But the fact is, they do exist, and ranting about them won't harm them, but only your own mood. So of course you can't really help feeling that flare of anger at first, but from there, think rationally, and don't let such an event get to you; the other person in question will probably have given it no thought at all!
Wow, sorry for the essay, but I've read some useful books on this subject and it's all coming back to me! I'd recommend 'How to be Happy' by Cara Stein who puts all this much better than I have. Hope you feel happier soon. :P
(edited 9 years ago)
Don't bust your ass working in a job you hate simply to pay for a car, a couch, a kitchen, credit cards, house etc........all material objects, and your life will be better without such troubles.
See the world, meet people, have fun, and relax, life has a way of taking care of things.
See the world, meet people, have fun, and relax, life has a way of taking care of things.
Original post by TroyAndAbed
I just feel happy all the time; don't know why. I used to feel pretty crappy about nearly everything then I just realised that one day I'm going to be dead so might as well make the most of the time I do have. I do care what other people think but I'm happy enough with who I am that I don't mind if someone doesn't like me. Whereas when I was younger, (mostly during secondary school) I was desperate to fit in as much as possible (which I failed to do).
Basically just live your life for yourself and not for your reputation.
Basically just live your life for yourself and not for your reputation.
sounds like you have Bipolar.
Original post by Gillybop
sounds like you have Bipolar.
No, I don't have mood swings. I just felt really crappy during secondary school then realised I needed to make a change and developed a more positive mental attitude which I've maintained during college & university.
Original post by TroyAndAbed
No, I don't have mood swings. I just felt really crappy during secondary school then realised I needed to make a change and developed a more positive mental attitude which I've maintained during college & university.
Good stuff, life is way to short to entertain misery
Original post by IAmAStegosaurus
One of the best tips I heard on being happy is 'don't believe everything you think'. The mind has a tendency to put a negative sheen over everything and tell you you're not good enough, not confident enough, not capable, did something badly etc., but when you step back and actually analyse these thoughts rationally, you suddenly realise that they're simply not realistic! Often you can beat yourself up over events or mistakes which are actually perfectly reasonable. For example, I've been training in a new job, and I went to a training event where in one task, I felt I didn't do very well. So my mind instantly told me I must be rubbish at the job, I shouldn't even be trying, I'm incapable of this kind of work, etc. But eventually, when I stepped back from this thought and analysed the event in question, I realised that the mistakes I made were only to be expected! I'm new to the job, I'm still learning, I'm bound to make mistakes, the person I was working with was being utterly unreasonable, and I must allow myself to make mistakes. That's a part of learning and growing. So in summary, don't believe everything you think; your mind is not the centre of wisdom and truth, but can often be too much of a perfectionist for its own good.
Secondly, and this is closely tied with the first one, be compassionate and gentle with yourself. If I had a friend who started speaking to me like my mind sometimes does (you're not good enough, you're not funny enough, you're incapable etc.), I would think they were completely horrible and totally out of order! A decent friend would tell you that you are a great person, that everyone makes mistakes, and would list all your good qualities (e.g. you're organised, polite, friendly, creative, kind, thoughtful, a hard worker etc.). Allow your mind to do this without guilt. I found it hard at first because my mind would attack me for being arrogant and for praising myself undeservedly, but I would simply argue with it - I do deserve this praise because these things are true about me. (I'm not crazy, I swear. :P) So in short, be nice to yourself; you love yourself really, under all that (often unreasonable) criticism.
Thirdly, a key part of happiness is positive thinking and gratitude. I recently started an exercise where, before sleeping each night, I would write down 5 things I was grateful for that day (even little things, like sunny weather, going for a walk in the woods, having time to relax and play video games, spending time with my friends or family etc.). It's surprising how this can affect the way you think during the day. I started thinking much more positively. If it was raining, I wouldn't think, 'Oh god well isn't this miserable', I'd think, 'This is actually kind of refreshing, and it's nice being inside in the warm'. So doing this exercise is quite effective to increase general happiness and I'd definitely recommend gratitude as a useful tool for positive thinking.
Compassion is another key part of happiness. Being compassionate and nice to others can have positive effects for you. Whenever I enter any kind of conflict with others, it dampens my mood for the rest of the day - especially if it turned out I was in the wrong or was too harsh on the other person. So with every interaction, remember to be kind and compassionate and to focus on making the other person feel appreciated and happy, even if they're, for instance, just one customer in a long line of customers at your till at work, or an acquaintance you don't know very well. Not only does it make the other person feel happy and valued, but it also increases your own happiness as you end each interaction with a good relationship with the other person, feeling well-liked and positive.
Finally, avoiding constant blame is another piece of advice I've found useful. You want the world to be a certain way - you want everyone to drive safely, you want people to be friendly to you, you want to do well in every exam you take, etc. - but often it is not this way. Rather than immediately blaming everything and everyone around you and casting a negative light on everything, just accept that these things do happen, and they are a part of life. For instance, if a car overtakes you and comes perilously close to scraping your car, you might want to get furious and rant about all the unsafe drivers out there, and how the world would be such a better place if these people didn't exist. But the fact is, they do exist, and ranting about them won't harm them, but only your own mood. So of course you can't really help feeling that flare of anger at first, but from there, think rationally, and don't let such an event get to you; the other person in question will probably have given it no thought at all!
Wow, sorry for the essay, but I've read some useful books on this subject and it's all coming back to me! I'd recommend 'How to be Happy' by Cara Stein who puts all this much better than I have. Hope you feel happier soon. :P
Secondly, and this is closely tied with the first one, be compassionate and gentle with yourself. If I had a friend who started speaking to me like my mind sometimes does (you're not good enough, you're not funny enough, you're incapable etc.), I would think they were completely horrible and totally out of order! A decent friend would tell you that you are a great person, that everyone makes mistakes, and would list all your good qualities (e.g. you're organised, polite, friendly, creative, kind, thoughtful, a hard worker etc.). Allow your mind to do this without guilt. I found it hard at first because my mind would attack me for being arrogant and for praising myself undeservedly, but I would simply argue with it - I do deserve this praise because these things are true about me. (I'm not crazy, I swear. :P) So in short, be nice to yourself; you love yourself really, under all that (often unreasonable) criticism.
Thirdly, a key part of happiness is positive thinking and gratitude. I recently started an exercise where, before sleeping each night, I would write down 5 things I was grateful for that day (even little things, like sunny weather, going for a walk in the woods, having time to relax and play video games, spending time with my friends or family etc.). It's surprising how this can affect the way you think during the day. I started thinking much more positively. If it was raining, I wouldn't think, 'Oh god well isn't this miserable', I'd think, 'This is actually kind of refreshing, and it's nice being inside in the warm'. So doing this exercise is quite effective to increase general happiness and I'd definitely recommend gratitude as a useful tool for positive thinking.
Compassion is another key part of happiness. Being compassionate and nice to others can have positive effects for you. Whenever I enter any kind of conflict with others, it dampens my mood for the rest of the day - especially if it turned out I was in the wrong or was too harsh on the other person. So with every interaction, remember to be kind and compassionate and to focus on making the other person feel appreciated and happy, even if they're, for instance, just one customer in a long line of customers at your till at work, or an acquaintance you don't know very well. Not only does it make the other person feel happy and valued, but it also increases your own happiness as you end each interaction with a good relationship with the other person, feeling well-liked and positive.
Finally, avoiding constant blame is another piece of advice I've found useful. You want the world to be a certain way - you want everyone to drive safely, you want people to be friendly to you, you want to do well in every exam you take, etc. - but often it is not this way. Rather than immediately blaming everything and everyone around you and casting a negative light on everything, just accept that these things do happen, and they are a part of life. For instance, if a car overtakes you and comes perilously close to scraping your car, you might want to get furious and rant about all the unsafe drivers out there, and how the world would be such a better place if these people didn't exist. But the fact is, they do exist, and ranting about them won't harm them, but only your own mood. So of course you can't really help feeling that flare of anger at first, but from there, think rationally, and don't let such an event get to you; the other person in question will probably have given it no thought at all!
Wow, sorry for the essay, but I've read some useful books on this subject and it's all coming back to me! I'd recommend 'How to be Happy' by Cara Stein who puts all this much better than I have. Hope you feel happier soon. :P
I know I'm not the OP and all but I've been suffering with bouts of depression, anxiety and general pessimism for the last few years. It is rather crippling (particularly where mental health issues are concerned).
Anyways what I wanted to say was this advice is probably the best advice I've ever come across. It has certainly shifted my mode of thinking
It was so eloquently written, comprehensive and practical. Whomever you are; your an angel! Currently just gone through a breakdown over my life and a toxic relationship I just ended, and to be honest this is just the boost I needed. I will take heed of this information.
Please carry on doing what you do. I know you probably don't realise the impact of your writings here, but it's great. you've brought a ray of sunshine to my day. I wish the world had more people like you.
I'm sure that the OP can make good use of your advice. As for my advice to the OP; just take every day as it comes. Other than this just know your not alone. Others are suffering too, even though we're different people we still suffer together.
I can't really think I can give any advice to match yours, so I guess for this reason I'll give you a rep
Have a great day
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