Boyfriend makes me feel inadequate

My boyfriend and I having been going out for 2 years, we love each other to bits. Just one problem - I am afraid I am not good enough for him as in pleasing to the eye. I know I am attractive and he wouldn't be with me if he wasn't attracted.

I just feel down and upset when my bf and his friends talk about fit porn stars and look at girls in the pub when I'm there. I just find this disrespctful cos if I was to look at another bloke in the pub there would be a big row. His mate is a bad influence in this behaviour when his girlfriend is unable to come out with us and apparantely checks out other people all the time. I just don't want his mate's behaviour being accepted as the norm for his friendship and our relationship.

Do men really find porn stars more attractive than their gf looks wise and bedroom antics?

Reply 1

matt@internet

12

Doubtful

Reply 2

Sazarina88

11

If you've been together for 2 years, I'd hope that you can talk to him about this. Tell him how you feel when he talks about porn stars and looks at other girls, he might not immediately go "Ok, I'm not going to look or talk about them ever again" but you may find he didn't realise the effect it had on you.

Sarah

Reply 3

username47781

20

I would tell him how you feel about it, but i doubt your not good enough for him, remember he chose you because he likes you for who you are.

Reply 4

pixiepeep

13

I was with my ex for a year and a half, and although it was less to do with attractiveness and more to do with social issues, he made me feel like I wasn't good enough to be with him. We split up and I've had trouble getting out of the habit of feeling inadequate.

Best thing to do is talk to him about it, otherwise it could go too far and you'll end up with baggage (points to self). If it carries on, and makes you feel stupid or uncomfortable then maybe you need to have a bigger conversation about the relationship.

Reply 5

username39618

1

Jangrafess

She has beautiful eyes, which it's possible just to look at,

Just as well, t'would be a shame if they were beautiful and they were impossible to look at...

Reply 6

Anonymous #2

what ur bf does is way out of order ...u should be the only importance in his life ...thats so horrible of him checking out other girls when hes with u ...tbh with u if my lover did that id end up leaving him ...because ill tell him "why are u looking at other girls when u already have one" so ill literally tell him to shove it and ill move in ...it must hurt u a lot however i suggest u talk to him alone and tell him how much its affecting u ...talking it out would help if he doesnt change id end up not being with him. period.

Reply 7

username47781

20

Oh christ i didn't read all of that he checks other girls out, thats bang out of order, tell him either to cut it out or face you dumping him.

Reply 8

Squelchy

Anonymous

Do men really find porn stars more attractive than their gf looks wise and bedroom antics?

Usually, yes.

But it doesn't mean that he doesn't love you.

Reply 9

Electric

Squelchy

Usually, yes.

But it doesn't mean that he doesn't love you.

That's a bit harsh - make the poor OP feel bad even more.
I certainly wouldn't say ALL of them are hot.

Reply 10

Segat1

16

TBH it sounds like boys in a group. He doesn't want to look mollycoddled because his gf is there and so he acts up for his mate's benefit. Idiot. Tell him until he starts respecting you in public as well as private, then he can forget about any sex.

Reply 11

Squelchy

Suj

That's a bit harsh - make the poor OP feel bad even more.
I certainly wouldn't say ALL of them are hot.

I'm not trying to make her feel bad. But let's face the reality of the situation here.

I mean, the average woman will fancy Brad Pitt or whoever more than she does her boyfriend, doesn't mean she doesn't love her man though.

Reply 12

Talon

18

Squelchy

Usually, yes.

But it doesn't mean that he doesn't love you.

Maybe for you. Lol. Id rather be sleeping with a girlfriend than some random pornstar.

Reply 13

holly_golightly

Squelchy

I'm not trying to make her feel bad. But let's face the reality of the situation here.

I mean, the average woman will fancy Brad Pitt or whoever more than she does her boyfriend, doesn't mean she doesn't love her man though.

That's so not true! If you're in a relationship you fancy that person more than any other surely? I mean, a crush on a celebrity is just a crush; which means that superficially you find them attractive, but you dont fancy them more, because you don't know them.

If that makes sense?! To the OP, i'd tell your boyfriend how you feel, but i really like the idea of saying he can forget about sex/ intimacy till he starts respecting you in public!

Reply 14

Azzle

1

Surely if he makes you feel inadequate then you shouldnt be with him? I was with a guy who I ended up being with out of sympathy - he's not exactly got the best social skills etc. anyway, that's another arguement - he treated me really badly, he would never come round to my house, I had to walk the 45 mins to his house, he would rip work out of my files for college, he would tell me I was fat, he would put me down to everyone he could. I eventually realised this wasn't for me and I'm so much happier now.

If you've been together for so long, it may be hard, but you've got to put yourself first. If it makes you feel this bad, talk to him about it. And as for the porn stars and that, this is a crap analogy right, but you look at say a diamond encrusted rolex watch. You know it's nice, but you also know it's just a pie in the sky dream. Guys watch porn and talk about porn stars to fulfil they're animalisitc nature, they know that porn stars are fake. And if he's been with you 2 years, he should love you.

Reply 15

zav

14

Depends what he is doing. Me and my last ex used to joke around and say who we found attractive in a bar or whatever. When he says she's fit say yeh but not as fit as that guy he is hot. He might stop doing it as much

Reply 16

Joachim

It's what guys do, with or without their girlfriend.

When it's just you and him he's just checking out the other girls, but thinking it to himself rather than saying it out loud to his mate.

May as well get used to it, it's like saying you don't want your boyfriend to masturbate. Like that'll ever happen! He'll just do it in secret anyway.

Reply 17

pumpkin7

13

he sounds like my boyfriend. i think 99% of the time he is joking though - i sure do hope so.

but yeah, as soon as i mention a bloke, he flies off the handle. i don't find it particularly fair that they can talk about girls freely when we can't say a thing about blokes.

Reply 18

Ron Stoppable

14

Segat1

Tell him until he starts respecting you in public as well as private, then he can forget about any sex.

OP: do it today.

Reply 19

Chumbaniya

17

I think a man is always going to look at other women, no matter how good a relationship he is in. The appreciation of attractive people is hardwired into the human brain. Despite this, if his repeated expression of this is making you feel bad, he should have the courtesy to stop doing so if you tell him it makes you uncomfortable. Whether he's saying it out loud or not, though, he'll always look at other attractive women, but that doesn't mean he wants to be with any other women or that he thinks any less of you.

Boyfriend makes me feel inadequate

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