The Student Room Group

I caught my mum READING MY DIARY

Today I was lying on my bed reading a magazine, when my mum walked in without seeing me (the bed is behind the door). She started tidying around as usual and then I saw her open one of my drawers, take out my diary and start flicking through it!! I couldn't believe it! I shouted, "What the hell are you doing?" and she spun around in shock, and started denying that she'd been reading it.
"I just wondered what this book was!" she insisted.
What a load of crap! She did it so casually that it's made me think she probably reads it every time she comes into my room! It's the most personal and precious thing I own and the thought of her accessing all the things I don't want anyone to hear makes me feel sick.
I couldn't even bring myself to look at her and told her to get out of my room. That was several hours ago and I haven't spoken to her since. How do I deal with this? I've lost all trust and respect for her and I couldn't be feeling more **** if I tried.

I'm 18 by the way.

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Maybe just explain to her there's certain things you like to keep private and next time keep it more hidden where even she can't find it
Reply 2
okay there, i think your over reacting a bit, there no way you should stop talking to her, no way at all
why dont you just tell her that what she did was not a acceptable thing and that if you were to ever do that to her she would probably kill you, and find a better place to keep the diary for the next time she cleans your room
Reply 3
Well that's quite unfortunate for both parties. I'm by no means condoning your mother's behaviour merely trying to offer some light: imagine being your mother..kids nowadays take drugs, underage sex and so on. What's more is that parents now have an increasingly small amount of control over their children - their most precious belonging. Think about why she would want to read your diary. Try and understand.

As i said, i'm not condoning her behaviour because it is totall out of order and I empathise with you and your unfortunate situation. If i were you however, I would not bear a grudge over this. Ask her why she did, and listen to her explanation. Then tell her you're willing to forget it so long as she never does so again, and that it is YOUR private diary - assure her you are not up to anything you shouldn't be too, but make sure you get across that the diary is yours to read and write in, not anybody else's.

But just try and remember that you are her most precious thing, no matter what you think. She wouldn't have done it other than out of sheer care for you. :smile:.
I would say "talk to her"..... but the fact that she denied doing it means that she knows that it is a no-go area.

If you feel you can have a reasonable discussion about it, try telling her that you accept that she is looking out for you and wants to know if you get yourself into "trouble" (have sex, take drugs etc), but that you must feel you are able to have some secrets, for you own sanitys sake, and that if she has any respect for you she will let you make your own mistakes and learn from them, and she should trust you to be sensible and have good judgement.

However. Are you a rebellious, troublesome kid? Always chatting back and getting lippy? If you are, she may feel justified in poking around. If you improve, she should.

Or she may just be a nosy git. If that is it, cold shoulder to her. Most people will disagree here, but you need to make it explicit that this kind of thing is unacceptable and if that means making her life some form of hell until she gets it (I give her a couple of hours....), then do what you need to.

Diaries are private. End of.
Reply 5
Once my dad read a letter i was writing to a friend, she had just moved to France so i was updating her on the gossip... anyway he then had a major go at me about what i wrote and things!! I just went mental back and he 'forgot' about it - as he was in the wrong... but the tension was still there for a few days.

As your mum knows that you know, i doubt she will do it again, but go speak to her, not about what was written or anything, but just how upset you are and that respect/trust has to work both ways. Usually parents do this when they are worried or think something is going on.... If there is and she would of read it by now, then probably be best to talk about that. If not, just try and move on!! (As in don't hold a grudge :smile:)

-x-
Reply 6
Diaries are there to be read.
If that was me, I would be fuming, and would fairly likely find somewhere else to stay for a day or two (probably in a tent)
And I get on well with my mother, but my thoughts and feelings are very definitly my own, this definitely crosses the line. I find people trying to invade and steal my thoughts very upsetting indeed, I can completely understand your oint of view.
I hope your mother realises that.
If you want to keep a completely secret diary in future, maybe you could do an encrypted electronic one, so her snooping won't worry you while you're out?
shes your mum, so you cant avoid talking to her forever, maybe talk to her bout the problem and talk to her, saying that the dairy is a v important thing for u, she will understand, and it wont happen nxt time
Richy_Boi
Diaries are there to be read.


Not if the owner doesn't want them to be read.
I was shocked, annoyed, embarrassed, everything when I was 13 and my mum read my diary. Then the same again at 15. Now I don't see it as so bad because the first time, I was going through a rough patch and feeling very down so maybe she was trying to figure out ways to help me and understand me. The second time I was doing things that would be extremely worrying to any mother who cared about their daughter.
Maybe she's just looking out for your welfare (tho in an annoying way, asking you is better plus you are 18 :s-smilie:)
Reply 11
Buy a safe, I use one of those Helix money boxes which has a key and stores my personal stuff can get from Argos or Staples usually about £6.00 or one from Home Bargains for £3. You can't trust nosy people.
Reply 12
Whoa - awkward situation! I can just imagine your upset at your privacy being breached, and she had no right to do that.

So, how to deal with it? I would suggest thinking about it from your mum's point of view slightly. I guess...that when you were a little child, your mum knew everything about you - your thoughts, your fears, what you liked doing and things that worried you. Now, as you're growing up, naturally you're not going to tell your mum every single thing you've ever thought or felt - it's just not practical. But perhaps she feels slightly put out by that, slightly disappointed that she is no longer your sole confidante - so she would like to read your diary to try and gain that back, in a way. And she would resort to subversive measures to try and know your thoughts again.

I don't know if that helps at all...maybe it might help to explain why it happened? It's always hurtful when someone we trust does something which breaks that trust, but understanding why it happened is often the first step towards reconciliation.

I think it would be a good idea to sit down with your mum and explain more or less what you've said here: "It's the most personal and precious thing I own and the thought of you accessing all the things I don't want anyone to hear makes me feel sick." She's bound to understand that. You could also explain that you were hurt by her subterfuge - her attempt to deny that she was reading your diary. Explain that you love her and that you will always love her, but there are some things which you don't want anyone to know.

Remember, be gentle with your mum! She may be feeling very upset and embarrassed at what she's done - we all do silly things sometimes, and we all think, "Oh, why did I do that?" As long as you explain your feelings in a calm and measured way, you may be able to convey your hurt, she may be able to apologise and you may start rebuilding a bit of trust with her.

Good luck - feel free to PM me if you ever want to talk :smile:

xxx
Reply 13
I had a similar experience once, I never write down my thoughts anymore, it's simply too risky, as you've found out.

Give her the cold shoulder treatment for a while to let her know how f**ked off you are.
Reply 14
"Maybe just explain to her there's certain things you like to keep private"
__________________ LOOOOL
cuz she what? doesnt know it???????
I would be VERY VERY ANGRY.
Sorry for saying it, but she's a bitch. I would not be speaking with her for some days. And I guess that it would change very much between us.
Sorry that you have such a 'mummie' :/
That isn't a reason to stop talking to your mum, you can be angry at her for a while but really it's your own fault for keeping a diary, they are the most pointless things in the world, your head is for storing your thoughts.
I wont lie, i think she was in the wrong 100% and i sympathise with u. But (unfortunately) mums will be mums. I suggest you do make it clear of your feelings towards her action, rather than just being soft about it, because then she is less likely to do it again. But after a while, i think you should move on. Think of it as an experience to learn from: now u know to buy a safe box as suggested and lock your diary. If you hadnt had caught her reading your diary then what if u had written something even MORE personal in there and she found it? What if you never knew she was reading it? Keep it locked and she cant do it again.
Reply 17
rewmck
That isn't a reason to stop talking to your mum, you can be angry at her for a while but really it's your own fault for keeping a diary, they are the most pointless things in the world, your head is for storing your thoughts.


Ditto.
Reply 18
it could be her way of trying to understand you
Reply 19
and you people write "think about it from your mother's perspective"
lol, who is the predator here? she or her mum? think twice, before you write such bull****