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Did I sound desperate or was being direct the best approach? watch

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    Girl I've been seeing is moving away to University (hour and half away) as she got her results the other day. I'm happy for her, even though I'd rather she stay but I'm not a selfish person.

    Here was our conversation:

    Her - Thanks, I know I've just got a lot going on. Not quite what I wanted but enough to go to York, thank you!

    Me - Ah, well I'm happy that you got the grades. Hope you enjoy it there

    Her - Thank you, I've never been so nervous in my life!

    Me - When do you go?

    Her - Not sure, freshers starts on the 29th September but I move in before I think

    Me - It's just I was thinking maybe it's best dropping this hanging out idea, as you seem to have a lot going on right now and after that you'll be going away to university. I mean I'd still like to see you, but it's whether you'd want to once you've moved away

    (less than a minute later) Her - Yeah it's not like York is that close either

    (next morning) Me - Fair enough then

    Me - Alright i'll say this straight.. I'd still like to see you after you have everything sorted and even after you've gone to University, but I'd like to know if that's convenient for you or not. If it isn't then that's fine, at least we know then

    I was worried that telling her we should drop the hanging out idea meant that she was trying to not act bothered herself by saying "york isn't that close either". I thought I should just be direct with her, as I have nothing to lose if she moves away (awkwardness in person) and say that I do actually want to still see her even after she's moved away but only if that's fine for her, so I at least can see her response.

    I'm not too good with saying what I want/this sort of thing.. Did it sound too desperate?
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    Are you going to uni or taking a gap/doing something else? I think you've said it the right way and I wouldn't change anything. Forget trying to play mind games and be firm with her. The best thing to do in my opinion would be to stop hanging out but stay as friends if possible. Uni changes people and often they forget about old acquaintances. Not saying she will, just that she may or it will eventually turn sticky.

    See what she sais, if she's adamant that she still wants to hang out then go for it but if she agrees with you or doesn't seem sure it's best to just leave it.
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    (Original post by AR_95)
    Are you going to uni or taking a gap/doing something else? I think you've said it the right way and I wouldn't change anything. Forget trying to play mind games and be firm with her. The best thing to do in my opinion would be to stop hanging out but stay as friends if possible. Uni changes people and often they forget about old acquaintances. Not saying she will, just that she may or it will eventually turn sticky.

    See what she sais, if she's adamant that she still wants to hang out then go for it but if she agrees with you or doesn't seem sure it's best to just leave it.
    Yeah.. Thanks for the response. Whatever her reply is will determine what I'll do. If she's quite happy to meet up and hang out before/during University, then I will quite happily stay in contact with her. She has apologised quite a bit for messing me around lately as she has had a lot going on recently.

    I'm just wondering whether I gave of the wrong idea initially by saying "we're best dropping this hanging out idea", which is why she responded with "it's not like it's close either" just to not act bothered herself?

    I think if she doesn't and she's against the idea, that would pretty much confirm her lack of interest in me and that she has just been messing me around lately. If so, I'll most likely remove her from Facebook and cut contact. There wouldn't be a point anyway if we won't see each other in person again and she's moving away. I would only keep her on Facebook if we were keeping mutual contact in person too, plus it's a way to get over her.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Yeah.. Thanks for the response. Whatever her reply is will determine what I'll do. If she's quite happy to meet up and hang out before/during University, then I will quite happily stay in contact with her. She has apologised quite a bit for messing me around lately as she has had a lot going on recently.

    I'm just wondering whether I gave of the wrong idea initially by saying "we're best dropping this hanging out idea", which is why she responded with "it's not like it's close either" just to not act bothered herself?

    I think if she doesn't and she's against the idea, that would pretty much confirm her lack of interest in me and that she has just been messing me around lately. If so, I'll most likely remove her from Facebook and cut contact. There wouldn't be a point anyway if we won't see each other in person again and she's moving away. I would only keep her on Facebook if we were keeping mutual contact in person too, plus it's a way to get over her.

    "She has apologised quite a bit for messing me around lately"

    What or how has she messed you around?

    "I'm just wondering whether I gave of the wrong idea initially by saying "we're best dropping this hanging out idea"

    Find out how she actually feel about it, you've already said you would still like to so if she doesn't say the same you have your answer

    "I think if she doesn't and she's against the idea, that would pretty much confirm her lack of interest in me and that she has just been messing me around lately"

    What sort of a relationship have you had recently. Dating long term or just met and kinda like each other? I wouldn't say that deciding not to carry on because of distance is messing you around unless she's done something else.


    "I'll most likely remove her from Facebook and cut contact. There wouldn't be a point anyway if we won't see each other in person again and she's moving away. I would only keep her on Facebook if we were keeping mutual contact in person too, plus it's a way to get over her."

    Don't rush into this. See how it goes after a month or two (first month is probably the busiest)
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Girl I've been seeing is moving away to University (hour and half away) as she got her results the other day. I'm happy for her, even though I'd rather she stay but I'm not a selfish person.

    Here was our conversation:

    Her - Thanks, I know I've just got a lot going on. Not quite what I wanted but enough to go to York, thank you!

    Me - Ah, well I'm happy that you got the grades. Hope you enjoy it there

    Her - Thank you, I've never been so nervous in my life!

    Me - When do you go?

    Her - Not sure, freshers starts on the 29th September but I move in before I think

    Me - It's just I was thinking maybe it's best dropping this hanging out idea, as you seem to have a lot going on right now and after that you'll be going away to university. I mean I'd still like to see you, but it's whether you'd want to once you've moved away

    (less than a minute later) Her - Yeah it's not like York is that close either

    (next morning) Me - Fair enough then

    Me - Alright i'll say this straight.. I'd still like to see you after you have everything sorted and even after you've gone to University, but I'd like to know if that's convenient for you or not. If it isn't then that's fine, at least we know then

    I was worried that telling her we should drop the hanging out idea meant that she was trying to not act bothered herself by saying "york isn't that close either". I thought I should just be direct with her, as I have nothing to lose if she moves away (awkwardness in person) and say that I do actually want to still see her even after she's moved away but only if that's fine for her, so I at least can see her response.

    I'm not too good with saying what I want/this sort of thing.. Did it sound too desperate?

    This just really annoyed me. You sounded very hot and cold.
    Also be more confident in what you're saying. Instead of being like "If you want, if not that's fine" . Just say more of a "Let us know when you are free and we could hang out."
    Confidence
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    (Original post by AR_95)

    "She has apologised quite a bit for messing me around lately"

    What or how has she messed you around?
    4 or 5 days after our date I ask her if she's free the coming weekend, but she says she's busy but free the weekend after.

    The week after I ask if she's still up for going out and she seems enthusiastic saying like "Yeah that's fine, we don't have to do anything big though, I don't mind just hanging out or watching films or anything haha".

    It gets to the night before we're going out and she messages me at 11pm saying "Hey, I'm really sorry but I can't make it tomorrow, something's come up, can we rearrange for another time? I'm so sorry". I ask her when she's next free and she says "I do feel bad though! Umm I'm busy until Friday I think because I'm away and it's results day but I'm off work all week and weekend what works for you?".

    I suggest Friday (last week) but then she says "I think it might be okay I'll check and let you know?". I reply "Okay, let me know when you figure it out" and she says "I'm sorry for messing you about so much".

    I decided to avoid asking her out and we had quite a few playful conversations earlier this week where she's responded in a flirty and playful way. So I end up asking her if she's free to hang out this Sunday and she responds with "Hahaha I think I should be, hopefully I won't be too hungover from Saturday. I'm expecting an exciting shampoo flavour though!"

    I tell her the time and place and she then replies with "Can I be a real pain and say maybe? I'm so sorry it's just there's a lot going on this week with results day and there is something I'm trying to sort out". I say no worries, etc and she says "I'm sorry for messing you about so much".

    So I decide to say to her that it's fine if she's not interested, she tells me "Thanks, I know I've just got a lot going on"

    (Original post by AR_95)
    "I'm just wondering whether I gave of the wrong idea initially by saying "we're best dropping this hanging out idea"

    Find out how she actually feel about it, you've already said you would still like to so if she doesn't say the same you have your answer
    After I told her "Alright just going to say this.. I'd still like to see you after you have everything sorted, even after you've gone to University, but I'd like to know if that's convenient for you or not. If it isn't then that's fine, at least we know then".

    She responded before with "It might be, I've just got something I have to sort out?"

    What does this even mean? She keeps mentioning about something she has to sort out.
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    It could be she's really busy in her life or she's not interested in you any more. I know from experience that girls won't have time for you at all if she isn't interested and instead will make up excuses to postpone the 'date'. Then again, she might really be busy.... Though it's unlikely the case considering the way she's responding to your date proposals. Been there, felt that..,
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    (Original post by UWS)
    It could be she's really busy in her life or she's not interested in you any more. I know from experience that girls won't have time for you at all if she isn't interested and instead will make up excuses to postpone the 'date'. Then again, she might really be busy.... Though it's unlikely the case considering the way she's responding to your date proposals. Been there, felt that..,
    Yeah.. Someone suggested she could have been genuinely busy with the amount of apologising and the way she's been playfully responding to my messages (not quoted them).

    Anyway, after she said "It might be, I've just got something I have to sort out?" I replied "Sure, you know i'm here if you need to talk about anything too. When are you likely to be free next?".

    This will be the final chance so if I get a maybe or whatever, I'm cutting contact. If she suggests next weekend then fine, I'll arrange something definite like a time and place.

    It's just annoying how she responds so playfully with messages and keeps the conversation going and when I ask her out she seems enthusiastic about it, but then she'll say right at the end of the conversation that she'll let me know, can she say maybe, can we arrange for another time.

    I don't know if it's because she's moving away to University and she's a bit indecisive on whether to pursue anything with me, but I'd rather her just tell me that it wouldn't be a good idea because she's moving away. I get a mixture of interest and pulling away when I arrange something, even when I asked if it would be fine for her if I still saw her once she's moved away she said "it might be". It's never a yes or a no, but I'll give her one more chance before moving on.
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    She sounds genuinely busy.

    People who aren't interested usually don't suggest another time, but she has on several occasions.
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    The most likely situation is she'll get hammered in freshers week and forget about you after that.

    Sorry if it sounds harsh but I'm only saying this because it doesn't seem like you guys have known each other for that long.
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    (Original post by Paprika123)
    She sounds genuinely busy.

    People who aren't interested usually don't suggest another time, but she has on several occasions.
    Meh, I don't know.

    After sending her "Sure, you know I'm here if you need to talk about anything too. When are you likely to be free next?" she replied "Thanks. I'm really not sure sorry" so I think there's my answer so I just said "It's fine I get the hint, I'm not being messed about.. See you around". Ended up removing her off Facebook and cutting the contact.

    It's funny because I was supposed to move stores the other week and I'm having to remain at the current store where we work now.. so it'll be a shock when she sees me in work next week. It'll only be awkward if I make it awkward, but I won't be bothered as I'm there to work not interact with her. Luckily she's on the tills so the only issue is avoiding her when I go for my break.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Ended up removing her off Facebook and cutting the contact.
    That was a good idea. From what you've said it seems she wasn't all that interested, if she really wanted to see you she'd have made time.
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    OP what is your plan for next year?
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I just said "It's fine I get the hint, I'm not being messed about.. See you around". Ended up removing her off Facebook and cutting the contact.
    I think that was a little harsh, But if it's getting to you then maybe it was the right thing to do.
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    (Original post by mollyxrose)
    That was a good idea. From what you've said it seems she wasn't all that interested, if she really wanted to see you she'd have made time.
    Yeah, I should have figured this out a few weeks ago really but the signals I were getting were a mix of hot and cold like she'd say she was busy but offer an alternate day etc. I still think moving away to University is playing a part in this though and that if she was staying locally or wasn't going at all, I reckon she'd have pursued something because her texts earlier this week showed a large amount of interest in the conversation with me and our date went great, but I don't know..

    I've seen she's sent a reply to what I sent her, am I going to read it? Probably not for today. Maybe I'll read it when I can be bothered tomorrow.. Either way I'm going to act cold towards her, well just not showing the interest i've been expressing beforehand.
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    (Original post by Paprika123)
    I think that was a little harsh, But if it's getting to you then maybe it was the right thing to do.
    It gets the point across to her that I'm not putting up with her crap any longer. If this was her brushing off one or two invites, I'd say "Alright maybe another time" which I have already to her, but hey if I'm going to be treated/messed around like that, she doesn't deserve a respectful reply.

    (Original post by AR_95)
    OP what is your plan for next year?
    Continue working where I am as she'll be gone within three or so weeks. We're not in each others faces so I can easily avoid her. Then I want to pursue my full time career and get my foot in the door. If you're talking girls wise, probably won't be for a while.

    It shouldn't knock my confidence, but she was a great girl who I clicked with and something went wrong somewhere, whether it was because she was moving away to University, etc. It made me wonder why she went out on a date with me originally, but she did seem like she wouldn't get her results to get into University so was probably giving me a chance until she got the results to make her first choice University. That means I became a second option and I'm not having that.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    It gets the point across to her that I'm not putting up with her crap any longer. If this was her brushing off one or two invites, I'd say "Alright maybe another time" which I have already to her, but hey if I'm going to be treated/messed around like that, she doesn't deserve a respectful reply.



    Continue working where I am as she'll be gone within three or so weeks. We're not in each others faces so I can easily avoid her. Then I want to pursue my full time career and get my foot in the door. If you're talking girls wise, probably won't be for a while.

    It shouldn't knock my confidence, but she was a great girl who I clicked with and something went wrong somewhere, whether it was because she was moving away to University, etc. It made me wonder why she went out on a date with me originally, but she did seem like she wouldn't get her results to get into University so was probably giving me a chance until she got the results to make her first choice University. That means I became a second option and I'm not having that.

    I'm glad you see it the right way.


    I meant career or study wise. You not going to uni then?
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    (Original post by AR_95)
    I'm glad you see it the right way.


    I meant career or study wise. You not going to uni then?
    I've completed my course there, came out with a 2:1 degree, just finding the right opportunity within the media!
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    She ended up responding to my message about not being messed about etc, she said "I'm really sorry, you're really great and funny and good looking I'm just not sure if I want to get into anything when I'm moving away, I'm really sorry".

    Could she be genuine about not wanting to get into anything whilst moving away or is it an excuse that she just doesn't want to get into anything with me?

    Should I reply or just leave it? Part of me feels angry that she couldn't have said this weeks ago and that's something that I'd want to tell her, but not sure. I'm honestly tempted to just reply "Yeah whatever" or "Do what you want" but probably not the greatest of ideas..
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    Wish I could edit my post but I guess it's because I'm Anonymous..

    Anyway I sent her "Likewise and I reckon on any other day it could have worked, but this is something you should have said a while ago instead of wasting my time. I'm sure you'll meet somebody at uni anyway and I need to focus on getting my career sorted too. Hope you enjoy it there, no hard feelings. See you"

    Doesn't seem she's noticed me removing her, so it could have looked like I've done it after this message but it's a good one to end on. At least I haven't completely shut her out of my life and there's potential for communication to remain open in the future if she wants to re-initiate. Time to move on anyway.
 
 
 
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