My Day Dreams are damaging my reality...

For the past year Ive been bodering infatuated with a boy I like...alot. At the beginning of the year he barely looked at me and I figured ill forever stay an admirer from afar. However we both took drama and as luck would have it he was put in my group along with one other person. The play we were given included a kissing scene so you can imagine my elation at this :tongue:

I found it strange that despite having such deep feelings for him I found kissing him ridiculously scary, like he was some wart infested troll. We became close during this time, I went to his house, we talked and became almost friends. We've finished school now and I will probably never see him again, but when I day dream I just think about him, and ive been doing this for 3 months. I keep imagining that in some bizarre way this boy probably feels how I do but like me is too afraid to tell me he is secretly in love with me :tongue:

I keep thinking he'll come round the corner and confess he hasn't stopped thinking about me. Ok, I know, It's reeally stupid but im finding it hard now to forget about him, i have work to do lol so i really need these day dreams to go away :tongue:

Any advice on why I keep having these day dreams, or even better how I can get over this boy :tongue:

(Sorry about my stereotypical ramblings) xxx

Reply 1

Dr Doom

are these daydreams sexual fantasies?

Reply 2

LadyEnglish

No lol, for some reason I don't see him in that light :s I conjure situations, not erotic fantasies x

Reply 3

Chumbaniya

It's unfortunate that you'd didn't get any kind of closure on whether he liked you or not, because that means it won't be as easy to get over him. If you fancy someone and find out they don't like you, it's generally not long before you get over them, but if you never find out whether they like you or not you're left wondering what might have been. If you can, getting in touch with him and telling him how you feel - even if you worry he might not feel the same way - will help you since even a rejection will allow you to move on more quickly (and obviously if he does feel the same way you're sorted). Of course, it's not as easy as that in reality, no matter how sensible it sounds.

Of course, falling for a different boy will stop you thinking about him, but then you're still in a similar situation.

Reply 4

LadyEnglish

Hmm fear of rejection rears its big ugly head everytime I consider telling him :tongue:

I would try and like someone else, trouble is every other boy i remotely like looks like him lol, i think im just trying to find his clone :tongue:

Reply 5

Anonymous #1

im in a similar situation except on a much bigger scale, ive known a girl 7 years, thats right 7 years, as early as ive liked girls, asked her out 3 times, and never has she indicated she just doesnt like me in that way. Therefore i cant dismiss the possibility from my mind and it drives me mad. Hope i have atleast made you feel better in comparison, lol

Reply 6

Chumbaniya

LadyEnglish

Hmm fear of rejection rears its big ugly head everytime I consider telling him :tongue:

I would try and like someone else, trouble is every other boy i remotely like looks like him lol, i think im just trying to find his clone :tongue:

Maybe try looking at it this way: If you don't tell him, you won't end up going out with him. If you do tell him and he rejects you, you won't end up going out with him. So you're in the same position, except that if you tell him it might turn out he likes you too, so you're in a better position.

Reply 7

LadyEnglish

'im in a similar situation except on a much bigger scale, ive known a girl 7 years, thats right 7 years, as early as ive liked girls, asked her out 3 times, and never has she indicated she just doesnt like me in that way. Therefore i cant dismiss the possibility from my mind and it drives me mad. Hope i have atleast made you feel better in comparison, lol'

Good to know I'm not alone :tongue:

Could you ask one of her friends if she likes you? (Id try that myself but all his friends are idiots :tongue:

) x

Reply 8

LadyEnglish

Chumbaniya

Thank you for being nice and blunt (Not meant sarcastically) I know I could tell him and hope for the best but i think il leave it down to good old 'time is a healer', we're going to different colleges so i wont see him which should help a lot, and hopefully in time he'll fade away :tongue:

really im just way too scared of him thinking im a total idiot, so id rather keep some of my self esteem in tact :tongue:

xxx

Reply 9

Anonymous #1

I'l be more specific with what happened with me, i left school, and had the choice of telling her, i thought, whats the worst that could happen as we were both going our seperate ways, i did and she said i was sweet and stuff, she thought i was very nice, but she had a boyfried, gutted, lol, and i thought well, atleast i tried, then, who do i see on the first day of college working in at exactly the same time? her, and we hung out for a little, as we didnt know anyone else, i then found out she was doing french, and was in the same class, i was elated, but then things went downhill from there, she quit french because of the teacher, changed to peforming arts which timetables are completely different, gutted again, months went by, not talking as much, then i asked her best mate and she encouraged me to go for it, with her saying that i did, ive only just found out recently that she saw this as a joke, because she asked if her friend had put me up to it, and saying yes, we misunderstood each other, so messed that up to. that was go number 2. Number 3 came a few weeks ago. This time i had to ask as she is going another uni, and the reason this time was she has a boyfriend. Gutted again. I do try desperately not to think of her but what can i do?

Reply 10

LadyEnglish

Aaw wow, I really admire the fact that you went for it and persisted :smile:

I do feel sympathetic however that it hasn't worked out, I know its painful when you feel more than a likeness for someone and they flirt with other people, get a bf or just turn you down. In my case the last time I saw this boy was 3 months ago, and during that time I went through some real lows but I think I'm coming out of the worst of it. Unfortunately that's the backlash of liking someone alot and you don't see them, it just makes you think about them more :tongue:

abscence makes the heart grow fonder and all that, but If i were you I wouldn't think of ways of getting over her; there arnt steps you can take. I think after attempt 3 you should resign to the possibility that your feelings arn't being reciprocated and that idea in itself will offer a sense of closure for you. There's no easy way out of getting over someone, it's really not an easy thing and you need to go about it in your own way. Not seeing her will help, in time, despite you probably wanting to see her all the time :tongue:

you need to find another girl who you get a long with and you can tell feelings are reciprocated, a girl you may be able to see going somewhere with who isn't moving away from you. By all means stay friends with this other girl, but I do think you'll get over her in your own way, gradually the amount of times you think about her will decrease and she'll become a passing thought. You should be consoled that you tried hard to get her, you lay your feelings on the line and she just didn't reciprocate, you did what you could do, this time it didn't work but don't let that put you off in the future. You sound like a really nice person so I doubt you'll feel low for long, you're bound to find someone :smile:

xxx

Reply 11

baby_emmy

Omg LadyEnglish... had a similar situation in sixth form! I was like mentally obsessed with this lad - didn't know too much about him, but by chance some of his friends were in my groups and they hinted that he liked me to so found out more about him that way! Then one day at work - who just so happens to be working next to me?! - God, couldn't calm down for ages! lol! We talked loads at work and were 'friends'. In my mind I had all these stories of him saying he likes me to and we have a wonderful relationship etc!! Anyway one sixth form party, dancing with one of his friends and he came over so was dancing with him, was sooo excited! Then we kissed... and I was like... YAAAY but at the same time - what's going to happen now?!?! and did I want anything to happen?!... I had built him up into this 'dream lad' that didn't know what was what! :redface:

Anyway few days after the party saw him at work, he kept his distance and a mutual friend said 'something happened didn't it?' then they said 'should of waited'... and walked off... a few weeks later was end of term and was at leaving do (yr13), we spoke to each other then and signed each others books, he put a simple 'good luck' type message (typical! :rolleyes:

) but I was writing nice messages in everyone’s book and I mentioned in his a little joke we use to have - he then gave me a strange yet meaningful look and that was the last time I saw him for a while!

Took me a while to ‘get over him’, as like yourself I always had these what if? type daydreams, but then randomly talking to one of his friends one day they came out with ‘I honestly think he did like you loads, but was worried that you wouldn’t be who he always thought you would be – which is stupid because I know you are’… so I took that to mean that he did like me, in the same way I liked him!

Sorry I’ve blabbed on for ages, but in the long term I don’t think we would have lasted in a relationship if that was the case, we both had such high expectations of each other! So maybe that is what happened with you? The lad you liked just didn’t want to ruin what you were to him – if any of that makes sense? I saw the lad i liked not to long ago, and instantly this little 'imagine if we were together' type story came into my head! It is really frustrating in one way, in a 'he was the one who got away' type thing, but then again it's taught me to do something about it if i like someone - and it's always nice to dream now and again :p:

-x-

Reply 12

Anonymous #2

So many people have had similar experiences, judging by the length of the posts.

Anyway, I'll just say what happened to me.

Similar scene. There was this girl I saw hanging out with many of my friends whom I secrety fancied. Then we both joined a similar activity and became close. Very close. I couldn't stop thinking about her. We started studying together also, and though my eyes were on my books my mind would be on her. Not sexually, but like you said, in situations. Like, both of us going to some very strange place and what happens... sheesh.. feel so stupid now when I think of all that i thought then

In three words, it is love.

Anywya, I confessed my feelings to her. A bit more elaborately than I should have. Got rejected. Took me nearly a year to get over it. But now I'm fine. And she's again a very good friend of mine. I still find myself day dreaming sometimes about her but not to the level of weirdness as before, and its not as hard to avoid now. I hope university would cure it totally.

My advice -
Go for it. Either way, it can only help you move on with life.

Reply 13

LadyEnglish

Thank you v. much emmy and anonymous user, It is very comforting to know other people have had feelings similar to my own. You both seem really lucky you were able to get close to the person you liked :s Ive always been too insecure about myself to remotely imagine someone like him could like me (the old 'out of my league cliche here :tongue:

) In a weird way I don't think I'd want to be with him, because like you said emmy I've built up huge, idealistic expectations of him which I know he would probably not live up to. He's almost the opposite of me, he drinks, smokes, listens to rock and I got caught up in imagining a whole other softer, romantic side to him. I let reality slip during the months I was bordering infatuated with him but I have regained my senses and coming to terms with maybe there was something, there were looks and accidental touching (Oooh the cliches lol) but I think both of us were either to stubborn or scared, I dunno :s I know I've definately learnt from this expierience, probably to actually make an effort to know the person I like before making them into the perfect person :rolleyes:

Thanks for your help and sharing your expieriences, they've made me think about the situation in a more realistic light :smile:

xxx

Reply 14

Anonymous #1

The problem is this, i dont want to get over her and therefore i probably wont go away untill she says yes, lol.

Reply 15

LadyEnglish

Lol well I think you're lining yourself up to be hurt, but I dunno it could go either way, if she says yes then well done for persisting lol, if not then it's something to learn from, this seems to be what a lot of people have said to me but i hope it works for you :tongue:

xxx

Reply 16

Anonymous #1

yeh, most likely i would end up hurt but for her its a risk worth taking :smile:

Reply 17

Anonymous #2

One more thing. The ideal person you have conjured in your mind is not really the guy/girl whom you secretly fancy. However, you might succeed in finding traces of that ideal person in other real people. Oh, just think of Eowyn, Aragorn and Faramir.

Reply 18

Zafda

wow.. everyones confessing.
i will too.
i really like someone atm too, and he 'likes' me back. we get on heaps, we could talk for ages.. we spoke to each other quite a bit before the exams but now i dunno its been a while now since we last spoke, maybe i'm just really impatient but i've been thinking about him a lot more than what i should, and its irritating because i don't want to but i can't help it.
i don't have much to do on a daily basis which doesn't help because i have nothing to occupy my mind with. i'm sick of baking cakes, i've done that so many times to divert my attention from exams and him but yeah, its driving me mad because i hate thinking about him.