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Second year woes
Before I start I just have to say that I’ve already been to the free psychologist my University offers, but I have a slight aversion to discussing “my feelings” (the very idea makes me cringe) so I soon stopped going. You’re all just text on a screen, so I suppose that makes it easier.
I’m about to start my second year at a London University, and I’m a little concerned about how I’m going to cope. Last year was terrible; I was pretty much alone for the first two weeks in my flat; no flatmates and most of the halls residents seemed to be completely moronic and a bunch of time wasting pretentious posers… far from the intelligent people I naively expected.
Let me give you an idea of my personality: Imagine the stoic, quiet, and emotionally repressed male stereotype and increase it by a few degrees… and you have me. I don’t want to blame past experiences for the way I am now, but how can I not? Our life experiences help form our personality after all. Maybe I’m just naturally inclined towards isolation, but for some reason I can never form friendships with others (including within my course and halls) because I always expect them to betray or destroy me in someway (based upon past social failures) which is probably why I feel justified in being completely selfish and nasty towards everyone.
My main reason for typing all of this is just so you gain an idea of what I’m like so you can answer this question: What should I do to prevent another disastrous, depressing and incredibly lonely year at University? I have this deep fear that if I carry on like this in University, I’ll reflect on all of my future relationships (or lack thereof) at any level.
I’m about to start my second year at a London University, and I’m a little concerned about how I’m going to cope. Last year was terrible; I was pretty much alone for the first two weeks in my flat; no flatmates and most of the halls residents seemed to be completely moronic and a bunch of time wasting pretentious posers… far from the intelligent people I naively expected.
Let me give you an idea of my personality: Imagine the stoic, quiet, and emotionally repressed male stereotype and increase it by a few degrees… and you have me. I don’t want to blame past experiences for the way I am now, but how can I not? Our life experiences help form our personality after all. Maybe I’m just naturally inclined towards isolation, but for some reason I can never form friendships with others (including within my course and halls) because I always expect them to betray or destroy me in someway (based upon past social failures) which is probably why I feel justified in being completely selfish and nasty towards everyone.
My main reason for typing all of this is just so you gain an idea of what I’m like so you can answer this question: What should I do to prevent another disastrous, depressing and incredibly lonely year at University? I have this deep fear that if I carry on like this in University, I’ll reflect on all of my future relationships (or lack thereof) at any level.
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Reply 1
Personally I think discussion your problems over and over again with a stranger (psychologist) does more harm than good and just opens old wounds.
Alot of people have the same problems as you, more than you think so your not alone in this. The second year is normally alot better as your more settled and your mix with less screaming, overactive and irritating 18 yr olds and instead with more mature and friendly people.
The more you worry about it and stay shut in your room the worse it will get so dont despair be pro-active and your be fine.
Alot of people have the same problems as you, more than you think so your not alone in this. The second year is normally alot better as your more settled and your mix with less screaming, overactive and irritating 18 yr olds and instead with more mature and friendly people.
The more you worry about it and stay shut in your room the worse it will get so dont despair be pro-active and your be fine.
You need to start getting over these past social failures - all they're doing is inciting paranoia and ruining any relationships.
Just try and let it go, and start a fresh. It can be done, trust me.
Bite your tongue if you feel like you're going to be nasty. Fake a few smiles, just at first. This gets you in roads with people, who you can then explore and decide if you like or not.
As Juno says, join some societies. It'll increase your confidence, and if you're interested in it, then so will everyone else be, and thus you're on the same sort of level.
Just try and make an effort to speak to people on your course. It can seem pretty daunting but it doesn't have to be. I certainly wouldn't turn anyone away if they came and spoke to me.
Just try and let it go, and start a fresh. It can be done, trust me.
Bite your tongue if you feel like you're going to be nasty. Fake a few smiles, just at first. This gets you in roads with people, who you can then explore and decide if you like or not.
As Juno says, join some societies. It'll increase your confidence, and if you're interested in it, then so will everyone else be, and thus you're on the same sort of level.
Just try and make an effort to speak to people on your course. It can seem pretty daunting but it doesn't have to be. I certainly wouldn't turn anyone away if they came and spoke to me.
Reply 4
My suggestion would be to get a job. I know it sounds stupid, but when you work, you are forced to interact with people. I HIGHLY recommend a service industry job. A pub, a grocery store, etc. Once you become more comfortable with interacting with your co-workers and strangers, all while getting paid, it might be easier to open up to some of your class mates. Worth a shot!
And, don't feel bad for being cautious with strangers. That's not a bad thing, so long as it doesn't hurt the relationships.
And, don't feel bad for being cautious with strangers. That's not a bad thing, so long as it doesn't hurt the relationships.
Reply 5
I agree with Rusty, I am a very shy and under confident person but I am a whole new and different person when I am at work (as a sales assisstant in a stationary shop) It really is a boost - EVEN if it doesn't last any time past your working hours.
There aren't many societies in this god awful University (London Met - yeah, I know...); everyone else seems to be coasting along and are only at Uni for a laugh. I myself am only doing this course so I can get into the London Film School and do an MA in Filmmaking (which costs 31,000 frickin pounds for two years). So, as with my A-Levels (where I got an A for Film Studies; C for Business Studies and an E for Computing - the grades reflect how much I cared about each subject) I'm completely unmotivated... I can't believe I'm getting into serious debt for this course.
I have no overdraft left, and every last penny of my student loan goes towards rent... no money, no hope... just despair. You can tell people really want to be around me, eh?
Oh well, I suppose these are the cards I was dealt with in life, so I should just get on with it. To paraphrase a quotation I once heard: "The greatest men are the most alone".
I don't think you understand; "being cautious with strangers" is an understatement. I'm very aloof and distant towards people so I nearly never form relationships of any sort, for example, let's take women; I've heard really bad experiences with them in the past, girls used to flirt with me and then run off to their friends and laugh directly in front of me about it... I'm not going to be treated as a joke anymore. All people want to do is humiliate and destroy me... I'm not having that.
I have no overdraft left, and every last penny of my student loan goes towards rent... no money, no hope... just despair. You can tell people really want to be around me, eh?
Oh well, I suppose these are the cards I was dealt with in life, so I should just get on with it. To paraphrase a quotation I once heard: "The greatest men are the most alone".
Rusty33
And, don't feel bad for being cautious with strangers. That's not a bad thing, so long as it doesn't hurt the relationships.
I don't think you understand; "being cautious with strangers" is an understatement. I'm very aloof and distant towards people so I nearly never form relationships of any sort, for example, let's take women; I've heard really bad experiences with them in the past, girls used to flirt with me and then run off to their friends and laugh directly in front of me about it... I'm not going to be treated as a joke anymore. All people want to do is humiliate and destroy me... I'm not having that.
Fleece
You don't even seem willing to help yourself, so I don't know what you expect us to do.
What did you expect? Me to listen to your advice, and then after 15 years of humilitation and bullying to go skipping off into the sunset, happy and well adjusted? That is not going to happen.
The way I see the world is most definitely not the way you see it. The world is full of harmful and insidious people; the great and the good are a small minority and I protect myself by being abrubt, selfish and mean. Luckily I was raised by good parents and teachers who supported me through my troubles and who instilled in me morals and values. Which is why, despite me being selfish and mean I'm also probably the kindest and most generous person you will ever meet.
The only reason I posted in here was because I wanted advice on how to get along with people so living my life wouldn't be so difficult, not how to fundementally change the core of my personality.
Just reread what you wrote.
That's complete balls. Seems like you're just using it as an excuse to be mean/not be social.
I gave advice how to get along with people, but it does seem that you do actually need to change some parts of your mentality (which is not the same thing as your personality) in order to do this.
Basically, while you've still got that attitude, you're not going to be able to get along with people properly.
The world is full of harmful and insidious people; the great and the good are a small minority and I protect myself by being abrubt, selfish and mean
That's complete balls. Seems like you're just using it as an excuse to be mean/not be social.
I gave advice how to get along with people, but it does seem that you do actually need to change some parts of your mentality (which is not the same thing as your personality) in order to do this.
Basically, while you've still got that attitude, you're not going to be able to get along with people properly.
Fleece
Can't you just grin and bear it and just try and be friendly? Even if it means faking at first?
It's difficult because I resent them; I honestly believe most of them are doing the Film and Broadcast Production course because they think it's easy (as does most of society) and a quick route to celebrity and money, those are all the wrong reasons. They're lazy and last semester some of them already began to drag my mark down a few notches.
Hopefully I'll get some different people in the modules I'm doing this time around so I can start again with them.
Yeah, definitely.
Most of my classmates in my Italian class last year I couldn't stand. It was hard to be so nicey nicey when I actually couldn't stand them, but we often had to work together so I just faked it for an easy life.
I'm hoping we'll be in different classes this year so new people to talk to.
Most of my classmates in my Italian class last year I couldn't stand. It was hard to be so nicey nicey when I actually couldn't stand them, but we often had to work together so I just faked it for an easy life.
I'm hoping we'll be in different classes this year so new people to talk to.
Reply 16
"The greatest men are the most alone" - don't make me laugh. That's about men who are in position of command, power, and ultimately are alone because of great responsibility...
... and unless I'm very much mistaken, you're not in command, or in power. It's not a good mantra to live your life by. I have to agree with Fleece, if you don't change your mentality you're not gonna get particularly far with others. Do it bit by bit, tell yourself "I'm going to be friendly today to X, and if he/she responds to it, then I shall be friendly a little more". There is no quick-fix solution... just like losing weight or becoming fitter, it doesn't happen overnight.
... and unless I'm very much mistaken, you're not in command, or in power. It's not a good mantra to live your life by. I have to agree with Fleece, if you don't change your mentality you're not gonna get particularly far with others. Do it bit by bit, tell yourself "I'm going to be friendly today to X, and if he/she responds to it, then I shall be friendly a little more". There is no quick-fix solution... just like losing weight or becoming fitter, it doesn't happen overnight.
Phranky
Last year was terrible...the halls residents seemed to be completely moronic and a bunch of time wasting pretentious posers… far from the intelligent people I naively expected.
Here here. Like you, I feel somewhat cheated I'm spending all this money for 3 years I'm not enjoying, though the course is good and I do have a few friends there. Where are the people with a brain at university these days? Why are most there to get drunk, waste time and throw away what academic talent they have? I can understand to an extent why you don't feel you can get on with people like this, if our generation will be those running the country and its various facets in the future, god help us.
Reply 18
Phranky
Before I start I just have to say that I’ve already been to the free psychologist my University offers, but I have a slight aversion to discussing “my feelings” (the very idea makes me cringe) so I soon stopped going. You’re all just text on a screen, so I suppose that makes it easier.
I’m about to start my second year at a London University, and I’m a little concerned about how I’m going to cope. Last year was terrible; I was pretty much alone for the first two weeks in my flat; no flatmates and most of the halls residents seemed to be completely moronic and a bunch of time wasting pretentious posers… far from the intelligent people I naively expected.
Let me give you an idea of my personality: Imagine the stoic, quiet, and emotionally repressed male stereotype and increase it by a few degrees… and you have me. I don’t want to blame past experiences for the way I am now, but how can I not? Our life experiences help form our personality after all. Maybe I’m just naturally inclined towards isolation, but for some reason I can never form friendships with others (including within my course and halls) because I always expect them to betray or destroy me in someway (based upon past social failures) which is probably why I feel justified in being completely selfish and nasty towards everyone.
My main reason for typing all of this is just so you gain an idea of what I’m like so you can answer this question: What should I do to prevent another disastrous, depressing and incredibly lonely year at University? I have this deep fear that if I carry on like this in University, I’ll reflect on all of my future relationships (or lack thereof) at any level.
I’m about to start my second year at a London University, and I’m a little concerned about how I’m going to cope. Last year was terrible; I was pretty much alone for the first two weeks in my flat; no flatmates and most of the halls residents seemed to be completely moronic and a bunch of time wasting pretentious posers… far from the intelligent people I naively expected.
Let me give you an idea of my personality: Imagine the stoic, quiet, and emotionally repressed male stereotype and increase it by a few degrees… and you have me. I don’t want to blame past experiences for the way I am now, but how can I not? Our life experiences help form our personality after all. Maybe I’m just naturally inclined towards isolation, but for some reason I can never form friendships with others (including within my course and halls) because I always expect them to betray or destroy me in someway (based upon past social failures) which is probably why I feel justified in being completely selfish and nasty towards everyone.
My main reason for typing all of this is just so you gain an idea of what I’m like so you can answer this question: What should I do to prevent another disastrous, depressing and incredibly lonely year at University? I have this deep fear that if I carry on like this in University, I’ll reflect on all of my future relationships (or lack thereof) at any level.
The answer's in the question.
Reply 19
IndieGirl
Here here. Like you, I feel somewhat cheated I'm spending all this money for 3 years I'm not enjoying, though the course is good and I do have a few friends there. Where are the people with a brain at university these days? Why are most there to get drunk, waste time and throw away what academic talent they have? I can understand to an extent why you don't feel you can get on with people like this, if our generation will be those running the country and its various facets in the future, god help us.
Imagine finding it hard to make friends when you're judgemental and condescending about your peers? That is a conundrum.
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