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    Long story short; me and my girlfriend are going to separate universities in September. We've been together for 8 months. Today is the first time we properly sat down and spoke about whether we should stay together, or continue as a LDR. To be honest, I was hoping she'd say that she wanted to stay together and be in a LDR. I really like her. Anyway, she didn't... Or did she?

    Basically she told me she wanted to be in an open relationship.

    Now to me, an open relationship is where you're seeing each other but not bound to each other sexually. In other words, you can have sex with other people but you're technically together.

    This kinda broke my heart to be honest. The thought of her having sex and being pleasures by another guy honestly destroys me. I told this to her, and she said that's not exactly what it means. So I asked her what she meant by it and she was really funny about it and wouldn't give me a straight answer.

    I don't know what to say/do/feel?
    Can someone please give me some guidance!


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    Honestly, tell her how you feel straight up. You obviously don't want to be an open relationship, whereas she does. If she continually insists that that is what she wants despite your objection, then I think you two should part ways :sadnod:
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    Yea, that's pretty much what it means.
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    Whatever she tells you it means is not what it really means.
    "I can't handle commitment so I wanna bang other dudes" is what it really means.
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    She's playing you. She wants to **** guys at uni but doesn't want to leave you just in case for backup.

    I say ditch her. You're not her #1 anymore and she doesn't value you or your relationship.

    Sorry pal
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    (Original post by Baloney)
    Long story short; me and my girlfriend are going to separate universities in September. We've been together for 8 months. Today is the first time we properly sat down and spoke about whether we should stay together, or continue as a LDR. To be honest, I was hoping she'd say that she wanted to stay together and be in a LDR. I really like her. Anyway, she didn't... Or did she?

    Basically she told me she wanted to be in an open relationship.

    Now to me, an open relationship is where you're seeing each other but not bound to each other sexually. In other words, you can have sex with other people but you're technically together.

    This kinda broke my heart to be honest. The thought of her having sex and being pleasures by another guy honestly destroys me. I told this to her, and she said that's not exactly what it means. So I asked her what she meant by it and she was really funny about it and wouldn't give me a straight answer.

    I don't know what to say/do/feel?
    Can someone please give me some guidance!


    Posted from TSR Mobile
    To be honest, I don't believe in 'open relationships' for a minute. You're either committed to each other and together, or you aren't. I would let her know that you want to maintain an LDR but not have an open relationship, as that makes being technically together simply a triviality, and if she doesn't want that, then breaking up would be for the best.

    I couldn't imagine being in a relationship with someone who is having sex with someone else and thinking it was ok.
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    Cheers guys. I guess deep down I knew exactly what she meant, I just didn't want to believe it. I honestly don't know how you can be in an open relationship with someone. It's just wrong?
    Anyway, I guess I'll tell her how I feel and if she's not feeling the same we'll end it.
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    (Original post by Baloney)
    Long story short; me and my girlfriend are going to separate universities in September. We've been together for 8 months. Today is the first time we properly sat down and spoke about whether we should stay together, or continue as a LDR. To be honest, I was hoping she'd say that she wanted to stay together and be in a LDR. I really like her. Anyway, she didn't... Or did she?

    Basically she told me she wanted to be in an open relationship.

    Now to me, an open relationship is where you're seeing each other but not bound to each other sexually. In other words, you can have sex with other people but you're technically together.

    This kinda broke my heart to be honest. The thought of her having sex and being pleasures by another guy honestly destroys me. I told this to her, and she said that's not exactly what it means. So I asked her what she meant by it and she was really funny about it and wouldn't give me a straight answer.

    I don't know what to say/do/feel?
    Can someone please give me some guidance!


    Posted from TSR Mobile
    Open relationships are sort of like FwB, you're dating one girl (or some cases married) but you're allowed to sleep with other people these other people you have no emotional attachment to (as least that what i think an open relationship means)

    If you don't want it just tell her how you feel
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    Just tell her how you feel.

    Trust me, open relationships are not impossible to maintain but very difficult. I had to take into account two other people in the relationship, as well as anyone who I was dating on the side. So, it's only for those who really can manage it.
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    She wants her cake and eat it. The security of your relationship which I guess must mean something to her plus the freedom to explore other options in the exciting world of uni. And I guess giving you this freedom too. Certainly undermines the commitment to your relationship and unlikely to work well unless you are both in tune with the concept.
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    I don't agree with people saying open relationships are always a bad thing (though I don't think I could have one myself, too jealous), but I don't know if it's every feasable to move from a closed relationship to an open one. It sounds a lot like she wants to end things, but doesn't have the balls, so this is her "compromise".
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    If you're both going to separate universities, end it. You may love her but you can still be friends and see how it goes in a few years when you're both graduates. In all honesty you'll probably end up putting more time and energy in to the relationship than she would, and in the end you may jeopardize being truly happy with someone you meet at uni just because you're trying to make this LDR/Open thing work. Think of the money you'll spend and the friendships/relationships you'll miss out on by pouring your efforts in to trying to keep this flame alive.

    Edit: If she wanted to stay committed, then that would be different and I'd suggest staying with her. But an LDR/Open thing would end up falling apart.
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    Honestly dump her, not worth your time at all.
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    She's going to have sex with guys at uni then see if any of them make a better boyfriend than you. If she has no luck (certainly after seeing/sleeping with/dating them) then she has you to fall back on in the holidays. Until next term.

    Ouch.
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    Personally, I do think open relationships can work, because we're biologically programmed for polyamory, and as long as you keep the relationship strong and communicative and make sure your partner knows about what you're doing, then it can be a great way to go. BUT this only works if both partners want it and clearly you don't. So you need to have that conversation.
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    (Original post by slade p)
    no were not, we are culturally programmed for that but we all know many guy's may want 1 serious committed relationship but will still have the desire to have more women just for sex.
    Polyamory = more procreation with different people = more genes passed on and more variation = better for evolution.

    We're culturally programmed for monogamy, though the amount of people who cheat would imply that's not going too well.
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    There's a bit of a taboo on open relationships. I have a friend who's happily married with her husband, a child and her house and they're in a poly (open) relationship. It can work if both parties on the same page, and there are obviously a ton of rules and boundaries.
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    (Original post by paradoxicalme)
    Polyamory = more procreation with different people = more genes passed on and more variation = better for evolution.

    We're culturally programmed for monogamy, though the amount of people who cheat would imply that's not going too well.
    yes indeed, that is correct, i got the meanings wrong, wasn't concentrating properly so i thought you said the opposite.
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    Yes, that's exactly whet it means. Tell her you don't do open and you'd either want commitment or a break up.
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    (Original post by paradoxicalme)
    Polyamory = more procreation with different people = more genes passed on and more variation = better for evolution.

    We're culturally programmed for monogamy, though the amount of people who cheat would imply that's not going too well.
    Pretty debateable, considering how many separate cultures practise polymory. While your logic might work in a group sense, for an individual male it's anthropologically illogical to raise another man's child. In reality, a polyamorous society is going to have the elite men dominating procreation, which may be good for producing gentically stronger kids (as long as there is a big enough selection- contrary to what you say, this would mean less variation), the majority of men have no reason to accept this system.

    The logic of monogamy is simple, there are pretty much the same numbers of men as women. If one guy has a hareem of ten women, that's nine guys who get no women. And we all have a vested interest in raising our own babies, therefore continuing our genes, our biological purpose in life.

    Humans clearly have a natural propensity to do some things which are bad for us anyway- smoking cigarettes is a good example, lowers your fertility. Unless the "looking cool" aspect increases your chances of finding a mate?
 
 
 
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