Because all of the effort you've put in getting this far would have been for nothing? :/
but it is for nothing. what do I have to show for the pain I have been through? absolutely nothing. my head is so ill and seems to be getting more ill by the day. this weekend I haven't managed to eat anything but a bit of fruit, haven't left my room, have barely been able to move, haven't done any of the work I was meant to. just lie in bed whilst I sob or shake, or let the internet erode my mind. it's like i'm not even human. there is no point. so consumed by illness and there hasn't been one period in all these years when something has actually gotten better , even temporarily. Not one day where I wake up and things feel mildly okay, not one day where things feel bearable. For the last 18 months/two years I keep feeling like I've hit rock bottom. I try to think about there only being one way, and that is up, but its never true. I always get worse even though it feels like it couldn't possibly. I try and engage with these crap MH professionals who are really the furthest from professional imaginable, while we pick through the **** in my life, only for them to insult, belittle and patronise me, before declaring that they're 'stuck'. I'm done with this. How much more does life want to beat me down? I'm left with nothing but a withered malfunctioning brain which reduces me to a shell of a human. I often struggle to speak, to move, to find enough energy and empathy in my bones to actually try and be anything positive in the world apart from a drain of resources.
For me to see the GP at the uni do I have to sign up so they can see all my records etc? Or is there a system where I can just book an appointment to see the GP? Haven't signed up with the docs here at uni yet and I don't know all the details either so it may take me a few days to get it all together and I feel like I want to see them in the next few days at least.
I have to get up at 7 to get a fairly early train to get back tomorrow because it was impossible to get the train back today. I've got some good stuff lined up (as well as reading, reading and more reading) but I dunno if I'll be happy enough to really enjoy it. Going to give it my best.
All you can do is give it your best! Hopefully you will enjoy it!
what is the point in living if you feel like this all the time. I just don't know.
because there is a way out of this, and i do truly believe that hun - things are bloody awful at the moment and nobody is going to deny that for one second, but i do honestly hand on heart believe that you are strong enough to find a way out of this and have an amazing, fulfilling life ahead of you
Sorry doctor's didn't go so well you are awesome and so kind - please don't hate yourself - you deserve so much more!
Spoiler
I quite like the look of the heart one What's the meaning behind the blue ribbon? (if you don't mind me asking )
Hope you get sleep soon
Could you go along with a friend/if a friend took you would that make it any easier?
I like your idea about the nth term
Thanks Don't apologise! Yeah his flat
That is great to hear
Ah I always end up buying games in the sales and then not playing Have some star wars games I should probably play soon
Well done!
Haha, thanks Still need to make a playlist Currently listening to regina spektor
Could you leave a lamp/light on outside your room or something? Would hopefully go to there then/stay there and not bother you?
Big
About online if you need any help with anything lovely
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Done nothing today Well, did some stuff online/designed a flyer (sort of) for juggling, and also looked at modules for 30 mins, but nothing else Haven't left house - was meant to go swimming but I ended up missing all the times I would've gone, and then didn't want to go at 8, because I didn't want to be exhausted/when I wanted to be up for a bit longer
Feel lost and confused and annoyed - and I know sort of what I need to do but for some stupid reason I don't and then gaah
On the bright side my lego stormtrooper keyring came today
Sorry for the moan :/
I forgot what the question was sorry. Mind all over. As per always
Thank you. How are you doing?
Ah haha. I always get scared of buying off steam, I don't know why. I just hate doing it really. Maybe we could add each other on steam? I don't know.
Right just a point guys- if you want to post in here, follow the fecking rules. Stop coming in and posting triggering stuff and then bogging off again. You dont have to deal with the fallout from it- we do. Its NOT on.
Yeah I know what you mean Anything in particular on your mind?
Seem to be getting ill again i think Feel im letting people down because of my illness and dont know how to bring it up with them Then money. Still in this bloody assessment phase of ESA and were so skint its unreal