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Very concerned boyfriend alert, watch

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    #1

    My girlfriend asked me to download all of her photos from our holiday onto my laptop from her phone, so she gave me her phone for the day while she went to work.
    I'd just started to upload the photos, when her phone went off and a Facebook notification came up saying shed received a message from a guy I've never heard of before. So, naturally, I clicked the notification to see who this guy was. (May I add, I didn't suspect anything, I was just curious as to who this guy was and what he wanted as I've never heard of him before and I pretty much know all of my girlfriend's friends.)
    Anyway, I soon discovered that she had been messaging this guy for quite some time (even while we were away on holiday). The messages were pretty innocent, I found out that he was a guy that was going to be on her course when she goes to Uni in September. I didn't think anything of it UNTIL... I scrolled up to the top of the messages were they had introduced themselves and he asked her if she was single and she replied saying that she was. (We've been together for two years.) I saw that he then made a comment about her being too hot to be single and that a girl like her is going to get loads of attention at Uni (at least that was the gist of it) and she replied saying 'thanks, you're pretty hot yourself. Lol, I hope so x'.

    What the hell am I meant to make of this?
    I'm honestly speechless. I don't know what to think or what to do! I want to approach her about it, but I think I'm in a state of shock at the moment. She's acting completely normal, when she came over to collect her phone after work she wanted to have sex, I told her I wasn't in the mood and that was that. But, how can she want to have sex with me but say this stuff to this guy? I just don't understand!

    Help?
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    My girlfriend asked me to download all of her photos from our holiday onto my laptop from her phone, so she gave me her phone for the day while she went to work.
    I'd just started to upload the photos, when her phone went off and a Facebook notification came up saying shed received a message from a guy I've never heard of before. So, naturally, I clicked the notification to see who this guy was. (May I add, I didn't suspect anything, I was just curious as to who this guy was and what he wanted as I've never heard of him before and I pretty much know all of my girlfriend's friends.)
    Anyway, I soon discovered that she had been messaging this guy for quite some time (even while we were away on holiday). The messages were pretty innocent, I found out that he was a guy that was going to be on her course when she goes to Uni in September. I didn't think anything of it UNTIL... I scrolled up to the top of the messages were they had introduced themselves and he asked her if she was single and she replied saying that she was. (We've been together for two years.) I saw that he then made a comment about her being too hot to be single and that a girl like her is going to get loads of attention at Uni (at least that was the gist of it) and she replied saying 'thanks, you're pretty hot yourself. Lol, I hope so x'.

    What the hell am I meant to make of this?
    I'm honestly speechless. I don't know what to think or what to do! I want to approach her about it, but I think I'm in a state of shock at the moment. She's acting completely normal, when she came over to collect her phone after work she wanted to have sex, I told her I wasn't in the mood and that was that. But, how can she want to have sex with me but say this stuff to this guy? I just don't understand!

    Help?

    That's unacceptable behaviour on her part. Talk to her directly mate. If she's saying those things whilst she's not at Uni, imagine the things she may do whilst you're apart? I'm not trying to frighten you but I've had experiences with girls who had boyfriends at home and acted 'single' at Uni.
    • #2
    #2

    Just ask her, if you don't resolve this it will eat away at you anyway. It already has done because you declined sex.

    Lets be real here, if your lass goes to uni without you she'll be getting slipped the ol' sausage every night. LDRs, let alone uni relationships barely ever work.
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    Talk to her. And I mean give her the break up talk. You being with her for two years? And that's what she does? You don't deserve her mate. Glad you actually found out through her phone or you'd never have known and come uni she'd been like 'it's not working', after shagging this guy.
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    Talk to her about it. Just be honest and confront her. But to me it looks like you should break up, as she's clearly not planning on being faithful during her time at university.
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    She's either cheating or will cheat in the future.
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    I expected to be saying you were overreacting, as most of these threads are, but no, you definetly should talk to her about this.
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    Sorry mate,

    That's bad news. Personally, I wouldn't even confront her. I'd just slowly end it. If you do confront her, she will probably break down and cry and win you around with rhetoric. I wouldn't even bother.

    I'd deal with it by not confronting her and just ending it. I'm quite ruthless like that.

    Up to you though buddy. Good luck
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    I'm so sorry that you have to go through this I'm just going to second what everyone else has said and say don't fool yourself into thinking she's going to get to uni and be 100% faithful because that's clearly not what she's aiming for. You deserve so much better than this. When you come around from your shock I would confront her about this. There is nothing she can say to defend herself - honestly, get out as fast as you can.
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    Treatcherous. Have you always known she's dangerous material? At least you know where you stand. Either get rid or enjoy the sex until she goes uni.
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    Everyone else is saying she is planning on cheating but there is another possibility, maybe she's decided she's going to break up with you before she goes to uni and didn't bother explaining that to the guy because she knew she'd be single by the time she met him. Either way it was a ****ty thing to do, and it's not looking good for you.
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    Like others have said, you need to talk to her. However, you need to prepare yourself and remember to stay strong. Like another persona has said, she will probably cry and be all emotional and try and worm her way out of it. There was no reason for her to say she was single, end of. Two years is a long time and to be so dismissive about a relationship is wrong. You just can't give in and don't take any excuses. How would she feel if you spoke to a girl and said you were single, I'm sure she wouldn't like it. You don't need girls like that in your life.
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    Wow I would be so livid and upset if my bf done this. Can't imagine how you must feel.

    You have to talk to her about this. It'll be up to the both of you where your relationship goes from here but I can't imagine it lasting after this tbh.

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    I'm sorry to hear that. I'd be absolutely devastated if that happened with me and a bf.

    I would say confront her, like everyone else, but I'm not sure what there is to gain from that - you've seen the evidence. :erm: She's clearly not going to be loyal so I would just dump her now on your terms, tbh.
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    (Original post by PointeShoes-x)
    Everyone else is saying she is planning on cheating but there is another possibility, maybe she's decided she's going to break up with you before she goes to uni and didn't bother explaining that to the guy because she knew she'd be single by the time she met him. Either way it was a ****ty thing to do, and it's not looking good for you.
    Planning on cheating on him?? In my book this is cheating. Although I do appreciate it is common to discover that there has been all sort of emotional and virtual shenanigans in the run up to being dumped.
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    Get out now while you still can. If she can do this kind of **** when she's not even at uni yet and you've been together for two years? **** her seriously she's not worth it.
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    There is no way she can really justify or excuse this, but maybe there is some understandable reason behind it. At any point was your relationship a bit rocky? Was there a time where you were arguing a lot or unsure if the relationship would carry on. If this was the case around the time this conversation started then I can kind of understand why she might have done it as an emotional lapse of reason. Perhaps for a time she was unhappy with the relationship but didn't tell you, but things have improved now.

    As I said, I'm not condoning this or saying what she did was OK (tbf, neither was you reading through her messages, so if/when you do talk about it, make sure you acknowledge that and apologise) but I'm just trying to see if theres a logical, reason why she might have made a mistake due to being emotional.
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    she's not necessarily planning on cheating but she may have been planning to break up with you, I would talk to her, personally I doubt there will be any reason to justify this but it's always worth a discussion before breaking up a 2 year relationship
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    She's not loyal to you at all. She'll probably react crying and telling you she loves you when you confront her but it doesn't change the fact that her loyalties do not lie with you.. she has her own self-interests at heart and I think although she probably really likes you, it's not enough to stop her from playing the field and seeing if there's better out there. People like that rarely change. You should end it, I would if I were in your position. Less pain in the longrun.
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    (Original post by Kabloomybuzz)
    There is no way she can really justify or excuse this, but maybe there is some understandable reason behind it. At any point was your relationship a bit rocky? Was there a time where you were arguing a lot or unsure if the relationship would carry on. If this was the case around the time this conversation started then I can kind of understand why she might have done it as an emotional lapse of reason. Perhaps for a time she was unhappy with the relationship but didn't tell you, but things have improved now.

    As I said, I'm not condoning this or saying what she did was OK (tbf, neither was you reading through her messages, so if/when you do talk about it, make sure you acknowledge that and apologise) but I'm just trying to see if theres a logical, reason why she might have made a mistake due to being emotional.
    Doesn't sound like a mistake to me. Sounds more like a series of calculated decisions.
 
 
 
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