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has she got the right to say this?

hi ...

im needing some adivce. Yes-its another relationship advice but please read it and give me ur views. My gf and i have been going out for about a year and a half in total. we did split up for about a month after i kissed another girl (who was a friend of mine). anyway we decided to get back and have been bk toghether for about 2-3 months. anyway she sed when we got back together that we only cud if i didnt see the other girl again and had no contact with her what so ever. at 1st i sed its not fair and i couldnt promise that and that no one has the rite to tell u who u can and cannot see? but in the end i sed id give it a go. but now after a few months im thinking that i dont want these restrcitions in my life, we all go to the same uni 2gether and and wen we go bk next yea i dont want to have to feel guilty if i do talkk to this girl or say if all my mates go rnd to their house then id feel like i cant etc. also at the moment my gf keeps sayin to me "u havent heard from her have you," " i dont want u seein her" and its like nothing is good enough for her.any way we had a talk last nite and r on the verge of splitting up and to be honest i dont know what to do. maybe i dont love my gf as much as i used to but i still kinda care and dont want to hurt her by breakin up, but i know if this carries on well both keep usetting each other?? what shud i do/say? any advice?

Reply 1

sebbie

15

If she is a good friend of yours, stand your ground! Obviously it's unreasonable on your part to go round her house alone etc but I think its wrong that she is demanding you don't ever see her again....

Reply 2

username47781

20

Yeah i agree i think you should be allowed a life, as long as nothing happens with this girl then i see nothing wrong with hanging out, clearly your girlfriend has trust issues.

Maybe just have a long chat about what you both want and insist to her that nothing will happen with this other girl.

Reply 3

notts

no, i think you're wrong.

this is a trust issue, and you betrayed her trust by kissing the other girl. therefore her fears are evidently founded.

but as to what you should do, just go with whatever feels right.

Reply 4

Anonymous #1

OP

cheers, we have had sooo many talks about it and i have promised her that i dont want like that with this girl, just as a mate!! and icve sed i wouldnt go round on my own etc. yer i agree she has trust issues but i dont know what else i an do help her, she gets really down about it and then that rubs off on me and we end up bickering. any more views?

and im going to add that we were on a break wen i kissed the girl (without trying to sound to ross and rachel) even tho it was the day after we went on a break

Reply 5

LadyEnglish

2

Basically, who will stick with you in the longterm? Seems to me it's your friend. Your gf clearly has attachment issues, she wants you to be hers 100%; any other girl is a threat. You don't need someone like that who is ruining valuable friendships, you need a gf who is your girlfriend, and someone who will treat your friends as her friends. Maybe what she needs now is a friend, being in a relationship with you is obviously causing you and her stress so neither of you are reeping the benefits of a relationship. You should let her figure out her issues and review your relationship when you both feel ready. However at the moment it looks like your relationship is on a steady decline into finishing, so finish it now instead of prolonging the inevitable. Good luck with everything xxx

Reply 6

lil one

2

Shes obviouslly going to feel threatened by this other girl, you have to understand that. You breached her trust and although you probably won't necessarily cheat on her again, her fears may be justified. I reckon however, that its not right for anyone in this world to dictate to one another, who they can or cannot be friends with and see, therefore, although I sympathise with your girlfriend, I think you need to reestablish some boundaries. You need to tell her, what shes asking is unreasonable because by banning you from talking or being in the proximity of this other girl, you are damaging your social life, and your never going to be happy in this relationship if your restricted.
Goodluck, and I hope this helps.

Reply 7

cinder

10

LadyEnglish

Basically, who will stick with you in the longterm? Seems to me it's your friend. Your gf clearly has attachment issues, she wants you to be hers 100%; any other girl is a threat. You don't need someone like that who is ruining valuable friendships, you need a gf who is your girlfriend, and someone who will treat your friends as her friends.

If your partner kissed someone else could you accept this other girl as your friend? I think this is unreasonable, she has every right to be worried. The OP needs to proove his girlfriend can trust him, in other ways theres a choice, one or the other because he obviously can't have both.

I've been in this situation, as the kisser, and I totally dropped my friend because I love my boyfriend and I couldn't bear losing him, at the end of the day he was more important to me. We managed to overcome his trust issues too.

Reply 8

generalebriety

16

If you have the right to see who you want, she has the right to say what she wants, and you have the right not to like it. If you have the right to go around kissing other girls, and you have the right to stand your ground saying you won't go and see some other girl to your girlfriend, she has the right to dump you.

Lovely things, rights... when mixed with respect. You could both use a bit of it.

Reply 9

Anonymous #2

You are so unfaithful! Obviously your gf is going to be hurt and why would she trust u with this girl again? But then again, trust issues cause several problems in relationships. The exact same thing happened between me and my boyfriend and we argued about it for a year and I was constantly paranoid.. All these arguments caused our relationship to end after 5 years... Think about your relationship with your gf now before the same happens to u...I can guarantee that she'll always be on ur case now.

Reply 10

Zafda

8

you need to make sure that she trusts you, because clearly she doesn't if she thinks you'll make out with this friend again.

you could always try reverse psychology and point out how you don't like her talking to guys.. but thats not the best way around it.

talk to her, knock some sense into her.. otherwise the relationship is built on nothing, trust is essential.

Reply 11

Anonymous #3

Maybe you should have thought about it before you did it!!!
Like they say... once bitten twice shy.
The same thing happened to me and I never got over it.
Leave your gf to find someone who ISN'T going to cheat before more damage is done.

Reply 12

lizzie-beth

Under normal circumstances, no one has the right to dictate how someone else runs their life .... however, these are very different circumstances, where you've really hurt someone who had placed their faith in you.

You have to decide if you want to keep the relationship going ... if you do, sadly you're going to have to play by her rules for a while.

You'll find this a common theme as you get older :wink:

Reply 13

MNBStyle

9

Well does your gf know this girl to???? If she doesn't then you can't blame her for feeling the way she is.
Switch the tables and imagine she was the one who had kissed a guy mate???Can you honestly say you wouldn't act the way she is????
True she can't tell you who you can or can't see and if this girl is a good mate then you should still be able to see her, if shes not exactly a great mate thoe then surely not seeing her for your girlfriend wouldn't be so bad.
Theres not much you can do except try and gain your girlfriends trust because you cant blame her for being like this.

Reply 14

sunscreen

7

she's obviously feeling threatened because u kissed her! she's probably scared of losing you so is trying to restrict u because of this

best bet is to sit down with her and tell her the situation... obviously i dunno if u love her or how good friends u are with the girl...

if she's still controlling.... well its up to u

Reply 15

matt@internet

12

Personally, I like the Ross and Rachel aspect to this. If you are on a 'break', then you are entitled to kiss and f**k whoever you want. She has the right to be pissed off about it, but if she instigated the 'break' it's her problem. In my honest opinion you ain't done anything wrong. As for advice on whether to continue the relationship or whatever it was you wanted, you should decide this for yourself. Other peoples' opinions are not worth a damn in this situation, as it's your decision and. Never ask anyone else for advice on whether or not to continue a relationship, it's not their place.

Reply 16

MNBStyle

9

matt@internet

Personally, I like the Ross and Rachel aspect to this. If you are on a 'break', then you are entitled to kiss and f**k whoever you want. She has the right to be pissed off about it, but if she instigated the 'break' it's her problem. In my honest opinion you ain't done anything wrong. As for advice on whether to continue the relationship or whatever it was you wanted, you should decide this for yourself. Other peoples' opinions are not worth a damn in this situation, as it's your decision and. Never ask anyone else for advice on whether or not to continue a relationship, it's not their place.

I think you may well of read his post wrong, he said they split up for a month after as in due to him kissing another girl.
Not he kissed another girl a month after they split

Reply 17

matt@internet

12

Well I'm sure I saw it in somewhere that he kissed this other girl the day after they went on the 1 month 'break'..

Reply 18

username47781

20

Oh right well i'm guilty of not reading it properly either, if thats the case that they broke up because he kissed another girl and she is still on the scene, then his girlfriend has every right to be worried.

Reply 19

matt@internet

12

Anonymous

and im going to add that we were on a break wen i kissed the girl (without trying to sound to ross and rachel) even tho it was the day after we went on a break

Yup, I was right.

has she got the right to say this?

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