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New girlfriend won't orgasm / doesn't enjoy sex watch

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    (**not looking for direct sex tips since that's not allowed)

    I met my new girlfriend about 2 weeks ago and everything has been great so far, apart from the sex. She was a little shy in the beginning, but we had sex and have done it about 15 times since our first time.

    I believe I'm pretty good in bed, at least been told so many times. I've been with over 10 girls and never had a problem pleasing them. I've noticed there are massive differences between girls of course, everyone likes different things etc, but usually there has been always at least one way to make a girl orgasm. I've tried very long foreplay, and I don't orgasm quickly myself. I can pretty much control how long I go on for, so that isn't the issue either.

    With this girl I feel like I've tried everything, but she just isn't able to come. She seems to enjoy oral quite a bit, but even if I go on for very long it's not enough to make her orgasm. Normal sex she maybe finds OK but I don't think she likes it too much..

    It's always me who initiates when we have sex. I feel like she is purely doing it to please me because she likes me, which feels very bad. I feel like I'm using her as a masturbation device - but I just want to make her feel good and happy.

    Otherwise we are very affectionate, she clearly shows that she likes me. We cuddle and kiss a lot etc..

    This makes me really upset as I feel pretty useless.. sex should be about mutual enjoyment and a big part of my own enjoyment is seeing a girl love what I'm doing with her.

    I've been trying to get her to tell me what she likes and what can I do to her that she would love. She's a little shy talking about the subject and I'm not sure if she has actually ever had an orgasm in her life (although 26 years old).

    What should I do?
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    Have you asked her what exactly she likes? Maybe there's something more unusual that she's into that you haven't tried? And in terms of sex - maybe she just doesn't like certain positions?
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    (Original post by Precious Illusions)
    Have you asked her what exactly she likes? Maybe there's something more unusual that she's into that you haven't tried? And in terms of sex - maybe she just doesn't like certain positions?
    Yeah I have tried but she's quite shy and just replies me something me with yes or no answers. Have tried all positions as well.. I'm thinking about her mood - could it be that some girls really need to be in the right mood for sex to be able to orgasm?
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    Well those are two different things you've mentioned in the title I have to say. Personally, I've never been able to orgasm but I really enjoy sex. If it's only been two weeks maybe give her more time to be more comfortable in saying what she likes as that really isn't long.
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    Most guys don't realise that penetrative can actually bloody hurt. That's what happened to me and it put me off sex for years, I used to just grit my teeth and do it for the guy... But as you can imagine I was never that keen. Make sure she isn't in pain would be my first advice.

    Secondly, lots of women can't orgasm. It's a much more complicated process. It takes a lot of psychological focus as well as specific physical stuff. Maybe talk to her and find out if she has ever been able to, maybe she is able to get there if she does it herself? Often if a girl is used to doing it herself it's a lot different when a guy does it and can take some getting used to.

    It may just be she has a very low sex drive, which is also perfectly normal. That's something you're gonna have to work around.
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    Do you think she feels fully comfortable and relaxed? That's very important for girls to enjoy sex.
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    Few points here.
    Firstly…very few women can actually 'come'…despite what they tell you. There is nothing worse than being ****ed (for want of a better word), when you know that the guy is desperately trying to make you come. Sex can be and is still really really good, even without an orgasm.
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    Most women can't orgasm through penetrative sex alone. Try focusing on a couple of areas at once, if you get what I mean! And if she finds it hard to tell you what she likes, make a game or something out if it - e.g.. you tell her one thing, she tell you one thing so she doesn't feel like all the pressures on her.
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    Some girls never orgasm vaginally, but sex still feels gooooood. Perhaps she feels a bit reluctant to give you pointers as she really likes you and feels it might be offensive to say something? The relationship is still pretty new though, make it fun to find out what feels good, get exploring you seem very understanding so I am sure that if she didn't want to have sex then she would tell you, without giving any tips clitoral orgasms can be pretty mind blowing! Maybe just talk to her and don't say you think the dislikes it or anything, just so you can suggest some things to try or see if she will shed some light. Just continue to be open and honest with her and respectful like you are being, and it will be fine.
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    She might just be nervous.
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    My girlfriend is similar, sounds odd but I enjoy the challenge of trying to make her like it more and eventually orgasm. Similar to you I didnt have a problem with exes but my current girlfriend says she cant and never has been able to, even through masturbation. I agree with you that it is probably a state of mind thing. I would say give it time, maybe she just doesnt find it easy to relax and one day both of our girlfriends will be orgasming left right and centre, when that happens wel meet up and high five.
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    (Original post by LavenderBlueSky88)
    Most guys don't realise that penetrative can actually bloody hurt. That's what happened to me and it put me off sex for years, I used to just grit my teeth and do it for the guy... But as you can imagine I was never that keen. Make sure she isn't in pain would be my first advice.

    Secondly, lots of women can't orgasm. It's a much more complicated process. It takes a lot of psychological focus as well as specific physical stuff. Maybe talk to her and find out if she has ever been able to, maybe she is able to get there if she does it herself? Often if a girl is used to doing it herself it's a lot different when a guy does it and can take some getting used to.

    It may just be she has a very low sex drive, which is also perfectly normal. That's something you're gonna have to work around.
    I don't think she is in pain, because once she was hurting and she immediately told me and we stopped. She gets very well lubricated too and I'm not hitting the bottom, so i dont think that's the issue. (Or maybe that IS the issue ;/?)

    Low sex drive.. that could definitely be it. I personally have a pretty high sex drive, I like to have sex twice a day, at least every morning.

    (Original post by Mankytoes)
    Do you think she feels fully comfortable and relaxed? That's very important for girls to enjoy sex.
    Good point - I think overall she feels very relaxed around me, but maybe she might still be slightly nervous. I can usually spot it though and i don't think that's the case. The first times she would even sleep with her clothes on but now she even walks naked around me sometimes so she has relaxed a lot

    (Original post by ldsbabe)
    Few points here.
    Firstly…very few women can actually 'come'…despite what they tell you. There is nothing worse than being ****ed (for want of a better word), when you know that the guy is desperately trying to make you come. Sex can be and is still really really good, even without an orgasm.
    Very interesting point actually, never tought about this. I'm glad I haven't told her about my frustration yet, since that could only make things worse. I just always feel upset after sex because I think it's only half way done if only I came. As I also always have to initiate the sex it makes me feel a little unwanted.

    (Original post by jhumfy)
    Most women can't orgasm through penetrative sex alone. Try focusing on a couple of areas at once, if you get what I mean! And if she finds it hard to tell you what she likes, make a game or something out if it - e.g.. you tell her one thing, she tell you one thing so she doesn't feel like all the pressures on her.
    Will try
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I don't think she is in pain, because once she was hurting and she immediately told me and we stopped. She gets very well lubricated too and I'm not hitting the bottom, so i dont think that's the issue. (Or maybe that IS the issue ;/?)

    Low sex drive.. that could definitely be it. I personally have a pretty high sex drive, I like to have sex twice a day, at least every morning.



    Good point - I think overall she feels very relaxed around me, but maybe she might still be slightly nervous. I can usually spot it though and i don't think that's the case. The first times she would even sleep with her clothes on but now she even walks naked around me sometimes so she has relaxed a lot



    Very interesting point actually, never tought about this. I'm glad I haven't told her about my frustration yet, since that could only make things worse. I just always feel upset after sex because I think it's only half way done if only I came. As I also always have to initiate the sex it makes me feel a little unwanted.



    Will try

    DO NOT tell her you're frustrated!! This might be something completely out of her control.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)

    Very interesting point actually, never tought about this. I'm glad I haven't told her about my frustration yet, since that could only make things worse. I just always feel upset after sex because I think it's only half way done if only I came. As I also always have to initiate the sex it makes me feel a little unwanted.
    Try not initiating it? Maybe she just has a lower sex drive than you, and you initiating it all the time just doesn't give her chance to when she does want it. Leave it for a bit - yeah I know you'll be even more frustrated, but it'll give her chance to come to you and initiate it herself.

    Also, having sex twice a day can make us girls pretty sore :eek:

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    I will say one thing buy your girlfriend a magic wand from lovehoney it's magical like unicorns, she will be the happiest girl in the world
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    (Original post by Anonymous)

    Good point - I think overall she feels very relaxed around me, but maybe she might still be slightly nervous. I can usually spot it though and i don't think that's the case. The first times she would even sleep with her clothes on but now she even walks naked around me sometimes so she has relaxed a lot
    She might be personally and romantically comfortable around you, but not sexually? Especially if she has performance anxiety. You also say you've had quite a few partners, has she? She might feel too inexperienced.

    You also say you've only known her two weeks but you've had sex fifteen times. While I don't think there's anything wrong with that, it does seem very frequent considering the sex isn't going well. You say you've initiated it all as well, it sounds like she might feel a little pressured, maybe give her a bit more space. I don't mean to sound judgemental, because I know how hard it is, if you have a fit girl with you who you know will consent to sex with you, but it may be best in the long term.

    Lastly, and possibly a bit controversially, have you done it with her drunk? A few drinks can really let a girl's inhibitions go.

    But really, all we can do is speculate, she's got to be honest with you to make much progress. But it's only been two weeks, so just be patient.
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    (Original post by Mankytoes)
    She might be personally and romantically comfortable around you, but not sexually? Especially if she has performance anxiety. You also say you've had quite a few partners, has she? She might feel too inexperienced.

    You also say you've only known her two weeks but you've had sex fifteen times. While I don't think there's anything wrong with that, it does seem very frequent considering the sex isn't going well. You say you've initiated it all as well, it sounds like she might feel a little pressured, maybe give her a bit more space. I don't mean to sound judgemental, because I know how hard it is, if you have a fit girl with you who you know will consent to sex with you, but it may be best in the long term.

    Lastly, and possibly a bit controversially, have you done it with her drunk? A few drinks can really let a girl's inhibitions go.

    But really, all we can do is speculate, she's got to be honest with you to make much progress. But it's only been two weeks, so just be patient.
    Yeah that could be. I don't know how many partners she's had, but I suspect not that many. That's really something I personally don't like to discuss about, I don't want to hear about previous partners of a girl or talk about mine.

    Yeah that could be a good idea just to wait for her to make a move! the problem is just that now we are dating long distance and only seeing each other for weekends.

    But yeah it is hard indeed not to do it especially in the mornings for me. I mean what are you supposed to do with a morning wood if you wake up next to a girl otherwise ? I guess could try to sneak to the shower quick and fight it down there :P

    Haven't tried it drunk, as personally i get very uninterested in sex if I'm drunk as I lose all my senses. Perhaps a few drinks could help her out though!
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    talk to her directly about orgasming but REASSURE her, she is probably perfectly aware you want her to come and she isn't managing it and that will just make her more stressed, it could be putting her off sex entirely if she feels like she isn't good at it, can't please you, will let you down or just that she will have to lay there for agessssssss knowing she wont ever orgasm anyway...and be aware she may be comfortable with her body but that doesn't mean she is confident about sex, it doesn't sound like she is given the way she has responded to talking about it so far

    if she can orgasm alone you can ask her to help you/give you tips (or show you) and if she has orgasmed with a partner again you can ask her what was good then... she may never have orgasmed so just assure her it's okay, you can try and make her come if she wants and if not you can just take it as it comes for a while

    you need to alter your view as well, probably you will get her to orgasm eventually but she may never be the sort of girl who will come every time once you find the right method and you need to be able to relax and enjoy sex anyway and realise that she can enjoy sex plenty without an orgasm and actually sometimes for a girl it's nice to just have sex without the pressure to get theree
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    The answer to all your problems.

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    (Original post by Anonymous)

    Yeah that could be a good idea just to wait for her to make a move! the problem is just that now we are dating long distance and only seeing each other for weekends.

    Haven't tried it drunk, as personally i get very uninterested in sex if I'm drunk as I lose all my senses. Perhaps a few drinks could help her out though!
    Well that could actually be good sexually, she should be pretty up for it after a week. I'm long distance with my girlfriend and while it often sucks for obvious reasons, one good side is we don't really have much sexual tension, as in she's always up for it.

    Ha, it's the only time I'm less up for it too. Obviously saying get her drunk while you don't sounds a bit dodgy, but I guess it's ok if you're going out? Maybe just don't get hammered, but as you say, just get a bit merry likes.
 
 
 
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