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Girls. Do you participate in casual sex?

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Not necessarily. Maybe the problem isn't that female promiscuity is not accepted but that male promiscuity is. I.e. maybe male promiscuity shouldn't be acceptable either. Nothing illogical about it.

Yeah, I agree. No-one ever seems to see it that way, though. You can call casual sex trashy without being sexist and creating a double standard, it's possible to just generally dislike it.

Reply 21

jhumfy

The closest I've got to casual sex is a long term **** buddy and then we're pretty much together. I wouldn't do one night stands, nothing against people who do but personally ergh no

Reply 22

tazarooni89

Original post by stroppyninja

Why trashy? Guys sleep around and that's seen as ok, it's only logical that girls sleep around too.
It's good fun and easy enough to stay safe.

Just because men do something, it doesn't necessarily mean it should be logical for women to do it too, because men and women are very different, particularly when it comes to sex and reproduction. Naturally, having a one night stand indiscriminately with a random stranger is a much greater risk for a woman than it is for a man.

If you think about it from an evolutionary perspective (i.e. producing as much surviving offspring as possible), it was advantageous for men to have sex with, and impregnate as many women as possible. The more children you have, the more prevalent your genes will be in the next generation. And if some of your offspring fails to survive, you've still got many others to carry your genes forward. It isn't advantageous for women to do the same, because once they're pregnant, they're committed to that pregnancy for the next 9 months. So it was more advantageous to them to be careful about who was getting them pregnant, whether they had good genes for survival, whether they were likely to stay around to provide for and protect the child afterwards to give it the best chance of survival etc.

To put it in analogous terms; men have machine guns which contain millions of bullets, and can fire rapidly in quick succession for as long as they like. Women have pistols with only a few bullets, which take a really long time to reload, and the gun gets taken off them after a short time limit. If they both wish to hit the target as many times as possible, naturally their strategies will be different. Women won't want to waste time in reloading, or run out of bullets, so they'll be more careful with their aim and shoot less often. Whereas men don't have to worry about any of that, and can maximise their score just by holding down the trigger and shooting as much as possible.

Maybe all of that seems moot now with things like contraception, abortion, females being quite capable of providing for the family themselves as a single parent etc. but society changes much faster than natural human instinct does. That's why it's still seen as "success" for a man to have many sexual partners, whereas for a woman it's seen as "success" to get her sexual partner to commit himself to her.

(edited 9 years ago)

Reply 23

littlejellybird

Nope. Never have, never will.

Reply 24

emobambam

I had a friend back in uni who loved casual sex.she would go out every night just to have casual sex.she was really hot too.it was so easy for her to find a guy to have sex with every night.

Reply 25

gemmam

Only ever had sex whilst in a relationship. I don't think having casual sex is wrong, I just never found the idea personally appealing.

Reply 26

Freudian Slip

I have done in the past, yeah; although, I have never had a 'true ONS', in as much as I've always been friends with the person for a long time beforehand. I've been a 'relationships only' kind of girl since I was seventeen, though. :dontknow:

(edited 9 years ago)

Reply 27

vickidc18

No, I just dont like being viewed as an object or a collection of orifices for pleasure...........

Reply 28

cole-slaw

Original post by godd

This seems so trashy, sleeping around.

So don't sleep with them then, all the more for the rest of us while you stay a virgin your whole life.

Reply 29

Anonymous #1

Relationship only... I've seen enough friends think they could detach and end up having feelings then crying about the guy to know it's a bad idea. I have however tossed a couple of guys off outside a relationship. One of them was my ex just before we got into a relationship, another couple was I was 15 and naive and didn't see they just wanted me for physical reasons and lastly was a guy I was dating who I have the option of being in a relationship with (quite recent). I guess handjobs just don't seem as big a deal to me, because there's a very small risk of getting pregnant etc

Reply 30

cole-slaw

Original post by tazarooni89

Maybe all of that seems moot now with things like contraception, abortion, females being quite capable of providing for the family themselves as a single parent etc. but society changes much faster than natural human instinct does. That's why it's still seen as "success" for a man to have many sexual partners, whereas for a woman it's seen as "success" to get her sexual partner to commit himself to her.

Yes, all that nonsense is moot becausebecause these are conscious, cognitive thought processes, not "natural instincts". We are discussing social norms, and social norms by definition change in step with society, not on an evolutionary time scale.

Believe it or not, but 10 years ago, this double standard didn't even exist. It HAD died out. Women could have casual sex without any fear of judgement or disapproval. Men who slept around were not seen as heros to be admired, it was just a lifestyle choice they were choosing to make.

It is only in the last few years that the ability of misogynists to spread their lies and hatred around the internet more efficiently that has resurrected it from the dead.

And if I'm honest, posts like yours are not helping. By propagating this myth and misrepresenting it as "natural instinct" you're actually helping to exaccerbate this very problem.

Kill it now. Change your opinions, because they're misinformed. This is 2014. There is no double standard outside of the minds of a few hate-filled idiots.

Reply 31

Rum Ham

No. I only have sex in a serious relationship.

Posted from TSR Mobile

Reply 32

Anonymous #2

I've been with 2 guys (a number of times) that is had feeling for but they were just using me for sex and 2 one night stands. I don't rate casual sex at all, it's so much better where you're doing it with someone you're in a relationship with, you love and trust.

Reply 33

tazarooni89

Original post by cole-slaw

Of course there are natural instincts. A person's sexual desire is not determined by conscious, cognitive thought processes. A person can't just decide "from now on, I'm going to have a really high sex drive", or "from now on, I'm going to find the thought of this many sexual partners really appealing". That sort of thing is heavily influenced by hormones and biological factors which are out of our control.

Conscious, cognitive thought processes can override natural instincts, sure. A person can actively decide not to have sex with someone, even if they are really feeling the urge to, and vice-versa. This might be necessary in certain circumstances - but when it comes to casual sex, why would anybody want to do it more often than their urges dictate?

Reply 34

cole-slaw

Original post by tazarooni89

We're talking about the social norm of the acceptability of casual sex and promiscuity amongst young people and how acceptable it is for men or women. The so-called "slut stud double standard".

All of this stuff is entirely cognitive. We have no instinctive natural reaction to judge other people based on complex sociological thought processes. The "double standard" is entirely socially constructed behaviour, a learnt understanding. This is my point. No element of this is evolutionary. We basically decide, as a society, what the criteria are for acceptable and unacceptable levels of casual sex for men and women.

Abouyt 10-15 years ago, we reached the point where there was no longer a distinction, no longer a gender divide in levels of acceptability of casual sex. Recently, through the hard work of a number of misogynists, unwittingly abetted by posts such as yours, this divide has raised its ugly head again. This must not be tolerated, its dragging us back into the miserable past.

You also raise sexual appetite. This is an entirely different matter. I agree that it is informed at least partly by evolutionary urges. However I strongly disagree that it differs greatly between men and women. Almost every woman I have ever met has had a voracious sexual appetite, comparable with any man's, and, indeed, once you factor out socialisation distortions, the research backs this up.

Reply 35

Birkenhead

Original post by nineteen19

There's a difference between insulting people for no reason whatsoever and making a point against somebody for doing so. I'm a friendly person, but if I see somebody treating others badly, I will speak out against them.

At what point did he insult anyone? You called him 'wierd' (sic) and accused him of ego problems for voicing the perfectly reasonable view that casual sex is trashy. Perhaps your outburst was more the result of thinly veiled insecurity about your own history than concern for the emotional welfare of others.

(edited 9 years ago)

Reply 36

Miss Maddie

No and don't plan to. I want sex to mean something in a loving relationship. I see sex as a symbol of love and personally it's immoral outside of relationships. People are entitled to disagree and I expect some of you to but that's fine as we all do what we are comfortablw with or support.

Reply 37

Birkenhead

Original post by cole-slaw

You also raise sexual appetite. This is an entirely different matter. I agree that it is informed at least partly by evolutionary urges. However I strongly disagree that it differs greatly between men and women. Almost every woman I have ever met has had a voracious sexual appetite, comparable with any man's, and, indeed, once you factor out socialisation distortions, the research backs this up.

Your anecdotal experiences would form a negligible sample size if they were even provable here. Where is this research that demonstrates that there is no general divide between male and female sex drives? 'Factoring out socialisation distortions' doesn't sound very doable to me, which leads me to think you're making this up as you go along.

Reply 38

cole-slaw

Original post by Birkenhead

ha, you've misunderstood, this isn't my research. You can write to the authors though and tell them they're making it up as they go along.

and no, I don't have a source. Look at the relevant chapter in your textbook.

Reply 39

Birkenhead

Original post by cole-slaw

In other words, you were making it up as you went along. I didn't misunderstand or say it was 'your' research, I asked you to cite it; if you have a crisis of conscience about citing something on TSR university will be deeply unpleasant for you. Don't pretend to know about 'research' to make your warblings seem more credible or you risk embarrassing yourself again.