So hard, what to choose? (ED)

16

I imagine anyone in this rare and very specific situation you've outlined would deal with the ED the same way you have. They wouldn't, in other words. They'd let it eat them up, if you'll pardon the pun, until they failed, like you might well do. Have you considered/tried counselling?

Reply 2

I am sorry, and i understand how an eating disorder can prevent you from achieveing what you need to.

The answer as to whether or not you can function with an ed and study at the same time is debatable. While you could juggle the two, in all honesty you wouldn't be able to do your best, and of course medical complications could get in the way and prevent you from even getting through each term and completing the course. A levels and uni are stressful enough without having to worry about food and weight twenty four seven...i went through college part time while also struggling with both anorexia and bulimia and i always felt i wasn't achieving my full potential you know?

Sorry, i am rambling. You say you have tried treatment, and i am sorry you have been unsuccesful thus far. I have had a few bad experiences myself including a memorable (for all the wrong reasons) IP stay. Are you seeing anyone treatment wise at the moment? Are you being honest with them? I know it is hard, but you have to see that they are there to help you and they are not the enemy, the eating disorder is, and underneath the disorder you are still there.

Pm me if you like okay? I really hope you can fight this and reach all of your goals.

Reply 3

16

Oh, and by the way, it's called an eating disorder because it disrupts order. No, you can't function normally with one, generally. Surely you can't consciously want an eating disorder?

Reply 4

OP

generalebriety

Oh, and by the way, it's called an eating disorder because it disrupts order.

Yes, I've had it for 4-5 years, I do realise that.

generalebriety

Surely you can't consciously want an eating disorder?

No, I don't consciously want it, but at the same time, I don't want to be normal weight, in my mind, FAT. I also need to have something to turn to.

Reply 5

supertramp

9

The answer as to whether or not you can function with an ed and study at the same time is debatable.

It's not. You can't.

Reply 6

Juno

20

If you really want to do medicine, then use that as motivation to get better. It won't be easy, but nothing worthwhile ever is. I'm sure someone here got into medicine despite having had an ED, but I can't remember who.

You've already seen it's had an effect on your AS results, and as the work gets harder it's bound to have more of an effect.

Reply 7

16

Anonymous

Yes, I've had it for 4-5 years, I do realise that.

Then why did you ask if you could function normally with one? You clearly haven't managed if your teacher is making you choose.

Reply 8

OP

generalebriety

Then why did you ask if you could function normally with one? You clearly haven't managed if your teacher is making you choose.

Maybe I don't really want to believe I have to give it up. Maybe I'm hoping someone else has coped and succeeded at medical school with an ED.

Reply 9

OP

I messed up my GCSEs a little, they were still better than most people. Still fine, but not perfect for medicine.

I messed up my ASes more, not terrible, but not what's needed for med.

Going down? :frown:

Reply 10

16

Anonymous

Maybe I don't really want to believe I have to give it up. Maybe I'm hoping someone else has coped and succeeded at medical school with an ED.

Whether they have or not, you're not coping or succeeding. Stop being silly. Whether other people can do it or not is nothing to do with whether you can, and your teacher's comment is proof of that. If you coped and succeeded, you wouldn't be posting this thread.

Nothing about this will be easy. But before anyone can say anything to help you you must realise your eating disorder is a problem which is hindering your education.

Reply 11

lizzie-beth

I think you'll find medical school is stressful on its own, with the workload and new environment - trying to cope with any additional stress on top is not impossible - and there is lots of support at medical schools for people with issues such as this, but it would make life very difficult & also prevent you from making the most of your time there.

I think I understand what your teacher is trying to say - very often anxieties are like old friends to us in an odd kind of way. The habit and ritual of dealing with an eating disorder or panic attacks for example, becomes so normal - to move away from that lifestyle is very difficult. It's letting go of something which is familiar - and familiar things are very comforting, no matter how negative they might be.

I wouldn't think of it as a question of how much you want to study medicine, because I think that's being a little hard on yourself - but I would start by seeing your GP or telephoning a professional helpline if your GP isn't sympathetic. You're not committing yourself to anything, just seeing what your options are. Take one day at a time.

Best of luck
x

Reply 12

wilgina

You need to try and turn things around for yourself. Get help to get past the ED and then you might want to help others in your situation now. A friend of mine is just recovering from an ED now, she missed a whole school year because of it but now realises that she can do so much more without the pressure of trying to lose weight. Having a career and an ED shouldn't really be considered as an option and although it seems impossible you can get past this mental block of not wanting to put on weight. Please seek out help before it gets out of control, it was awful being able to see how it affected a friend and I cannot imagine what it must be like to go through something like that.

Good luck!

Reply 13

Anonymous #2

I know what you're going through but in a different way. I wasnt accepted into medical school because I tried to commit suicide in a very nearly successful manner. It was a real wake up call for me, as I realised that I wouldnt actually be able to cope doing medicine, if I couldnt even cope with a few simple AS/A level exams without self harming or ending up trying to end my own life. I have in fact decided not to go do medicine, and to instead go and do a degree in something I know I can cope with.
The other thing well worth thinking about is going on a gap year. I did that and it helped me get a lot of things straight in my head. It gives you an extra year to heal, and will also give you a lot of amazing experiences. I now feel ready to tackle university as if I can get over depression, stop self harming, decide to live at a time when that was the last thing I wanted to do...well a degree aint anything is it! See your eating disorder as another part of you, and battle it as best you can...it will make you stronger in the end!
Sorry if this post rambles but Im absolutely knackered...sorry!

Reply 14

supertramp

It's not. You can't.

I have been there and i did it last year. You can do it, but you compromise your full ability. I am in no way saying she should continue down this route. Can i ask have YOU had an eating disorder?

She isn't just 'being silly', she is scared of giving the disorder up, understandabley so. It is a serious illness and not just some trivial problem you can shake away.

Reply 15

supertramp

9

Can i ask have YOU had an eating disorder?

Yes. It takes over your entire life, including your thought processes. I wasn't suggesting that she was being silly at all, just that she is going to have to do some hardcore studying and when you have an ED, it's very hard to concentrate on anything.

Reply 16

supertramp

Yes. It takes over your entire life, including your thought processes. I wasn't suggesting that she was being silly at all, just that she is going to have to do some hardcore studying and when you have an ED, it's very hard to concentrate on anything.

Yeah, sorry that bit about her not being 'silly' was in reponse to generalebriety, who suggested she was. I apologise if i came across as harsh, it's just the way you phrased your response to my comment made me feel stupid. What you said above is right though, i understand all too well. To the OP - i wish you all the luck in the world with beating this.

Reply 17

16

preciousillusions

Yeah, sorry that bit about her not being 'silly' was in reponse to generalebriety, who suggested she was. I apologise if i came across as harsh, it's just the way you phrased your response to my comment made me feel stupid. What you said above is right though, i understand all too well. To the OP - i wish you all the luck in the world with beating this.

Ok, please quote me in future so it shows up in my usercp. :smile:

I never suggested she was being silly for having the ED. I said she was being silly for posting this thread simply to find out who had done medicine with an ED, as if that was meant to change her situation at all, her situation being that she can't cope with both. She can't even cope with her A-levels. So I'm firmly on her teacher's side. She is being silly if she thinks that just because someone somewhere might have done it that it's a good idea not to attempt to get the ED treated.

Reply 18

generalebriety

Ok, please quote me in future so it shows up in my usercp. :smile:

I never suggested she was being silly for having the ED. I said she was being silly for posting this thread simply to find out who had done medicine with an ED, as if that was meant to change her situation at all, her situation being that she can't cope with both. She can't even cope with her A-levels. So I'm firmly on her teacher's side. She is being silly if she thinks that just because someone somewhere might have done it that it's a good idea not to attempt to get the ED treated.

Ahh okay, sorry for the misunderstanding, just had a bit of a mini outburst there :blush:

Reply 19