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Asked out close friend, got rejected, now am mental. watch

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    It's strange this.

    To cut a long story short, I was out with a friend one night, it looked like she was flirting with me (hint: lots of physical contact, playful banter, footsies, etc - not flirting apparently!), so I asked her out, she gave me the "let's just stay as friends, I'd be a bad girlfriend" talk - you know, the talk you get when someone doesn't want to say a straight, neat no.

    The logical side of me accepts this. She doesn't want to go out with me, she's still massively hung over her ex-boyfriend so yeah, Mr. Logic is fine with this.

    The emotive side of me is in a total mess however.

    So one of my friends gave her a lift from my mum's funeral - he later told me at the pub that he wanted to procreate with her. My response to this was to drink something like 8 double whisky's in half an hour, something as culturally obscene as this is.

    (It was after this night when I decided to ask her out, btw.)

    And even last night, I was invited out to play pool/snooker but I couldn't attend because hey, movie premier of a film I've been dying to see. When I arrived at my friend's (doing something together in the morning) I asked him who was there and when he mentioned the lass's name and the person who gave her a lift in the same breath, my heart kinda sank.

    My heart then hit the floor with a massive thump when the friend mentioned that they were going out to a night club alone (just the two of them) - I went to bed shortly afterwards as I felt like everything was taken out of me.

    And then was promptly up until 5am, thinking about why things don't match up - why am I fretting about this (I would have cried but I was sleeping in my mate's room...), I know she doesn't like me, and I believe he's not into her (he texted me one night, categorically stating this). My emotions are running cartwheels right over my logic and I'm really confused. It's not like me, it's like I've become super possessive over something I have absolutely no right to be even in the slightest possessive about. It's scary. I'm scared.

    I can't tell her about this as well, because well, I don't know. What I do know though is that me+female haven't talked in about two weeks (I'd say a couple of days after I asked her out), probably as we're both working full time and partly as I don't want to go full out retard on her.

    What do I do?

    TL;DR Boy likes girl, boy asks girl out, gets rejected. Boy is feeling massively confused (and quite scared about everything).

    Thanks, all!
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    Looks as though you're between a rock and a hard place. I'd consider this as one of the classical reasons why it's very difficult to be friends with the opposite sex as, sooner or later, one will become attracted to the other. I think it's best you create a bit of distance between this girl and yourself, attempt to get over her and perhaps give time for your feelings to settle before seeing her again. I don't think you should elaborate further with her as she made it rather clear that she doesn't really want to begin a relationship with you.
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    Cut contact with her.

    Also she's a ***** for saying the "I'll be a bad gf" at least be ****ing honest!
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    Oh, and I wouldn't put too much stock into what your friend said about not liking her, he's only trying to protect himself. I once said that to a friend of mine, who was besotted with a mutual friend of ours, before I began properly dating her.
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    What you thought was flirting, was flirting. However this doesn't mean you ask a girl out. She clearly wanted the d. You should have gave her what she wanted, then sent her on her way.

    Clearly this didn't happen, so you are now in a situation which you need to elevate out of, look over, and realise the world is a big, big, big place and that if someone doesn't want you, someone else will. In very simple turns, have a **** and move on.


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    Sounds similar to something i experienced. You are going to have to cut ties with her, otherwise the feelings wont go away. Or at least, maintain a greater distance from her for a year say. Then once you've moved on, found someone else maybe, then you might be able to be friends with her. But just dont get so close.
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    (Original post by Skyscene)
    What you thought was flirting, was flirting. However this doesn't mean you ask a girl out. She clearly wanted the d. You should have gave her what she wanted, then sent her on her way.
    I didn't mean it as in "oh, she's playing footsies, she obviously wants to be my life partner and have all my children", she's naturally a flirtatious person, and all the time I've known her - and even when she was going out w/ the ex (get onto later) she was rather flirtatious. But the time we met up a couple of weeks ago was off the charts. Like, 11 out of 10 on the Spinal Tap volume adjuster. I've had on/off feelings for her for like, three years - don't worry, I have had relationships in that time - but we've always been very close.

    I foolishly asked a couple of days her what the score was, as in, what she was doing. She had said that that wasn't "flirting", that was just her "being hyper", lolwut. And that she had knew/guessed that I liked her before I went into a relationship with someone else.

    (Original post by bittr n swt)
    Also she's a ***** for saying the "I'll be a bad gf" at least be ****ing honest!
    Yeah, her ex said the same thing too - me, the ex and her are like, something like the Three Amigos but without the funny hats. The weird thing was, I never felt like this when I match-made the two of them together. At all.

    And I don't particularly want to cut her out of my life, but I've done it before with a different situation w/ a girl and it took like, three years to have any effect, heh. But I fear if drop her off the grid, it'd have a negative effect on her and the ex too...

    ffs.
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    She sounds very immature


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