What should I do/say?

Was talking to my boyfriend this morning, his on holiday at the moment and when he comes back we have decided to go away for a night before I go to uni. In the converstation this morning he mentions that he has brought some sex toys/accessories. Now we have vagly spoken about t his before and I've never shown much intrest and he has noticed so I thought he might guess that I'm not into all that. He knows that I don't play with myself so don't own anything to aid me!

His brought me, and us some stuff and I'm just not intrested and I really don't want to do anything. Part of me wants to keep him happy and also I should try things at least once but I just don't want to. His now brought aload of stuff and I've already told him that I'm just not as excited about it as he is but he still wants a saucy night with all these aids.

Should I stop being so backwards? Give it ago, if I don't like it then not do it again but if I do then fine...or should I say under no circumstances?

Reply 1

ciara

13

Firstly, and most obviously, never feel that you should do something you're not comfortable with just to please your boyfriend. Unless you're comfortable you won't enjoy it, and so unless you're boyfriend's a complete idiot he won't be pleased anyway.

However, it seems strange that you should decide that you're not into 'all that' when you have never tried any of it, even on your own. I don't know what kind of stuff your boyfriend's bought, it could range from something as simple as a tiny vibrating bean to something downright kinky. Obviously you're not necessarily going to be into a lot of it, but I'd recommend keeping an open mind just in case you do find something you like.

Warn him in advance that you are willing to see what you're comfortable with but are extremely apprehensive. Take a look at the stuff he's bought and see if there's anything that doesn't terrify you, and maybe give it a go first and see how it works. Make sure you're the one in control of what you use, not him. If it's all really hardcore and scary then fair enough, at least you've given it a chance.

But whatever you do, don't feel obliged to have a 12 inch long vibrating piece of rubber in bed with you - it's about what does it for you.

Reply 2

squigaletta

i think you should try it but let him know that your not entirely comfortable with the idea and that you are trying it on the condition that if at any point u decide that its deffo not for you, then you will stop. but i do think u should try, who knows you might enjoy it

Reply 3

Redefined

13

Have you been together long? Have you been intimate with each other enough for you to be 100% comfortable with at least 'normal' sex?

Reply 4

generalebriety

16

Which is it - you don't particularly have much of a desire to do it, or you have some objection to doing it? If the former, I reckon you should give it a go. If the latter, don't. And whatever you do, if you don't enjoy it, don't continue. But just because you don't think it excites you, doesn't mean you shouldn't give it a go if you don't have some objection to it.

Explain your position to him before you go ahead (or not) though.

Reply 5

username47781

20

I would say if your not comfortable with it tell him how you feel, he should not force you into it.

Reply 6

Anonymous #1

OP

Thanks everyone. It's not that I object. I just don't desire. I'm 100% comfortable with him with having "normal" sex. I guess because it's new to me aswell I'm just feel abit nervous and worried. I know that he wouldn't force me to do anything and if I said I didn't want to he wouldn't mind much and that I can stop anything at anytime with him however I'm more worried that I will become nervous and it will just go all wrong. This will be our last night together before I go off to uni so I won't see him for another month at least and it will be the first night together after not seeing him for a month with him being on holiday.

I guess I shall just have a chat with him about how I feel about it, I can't say I don't want to do it if I've never tried it (I hate people who do that so I shoudl practise what I preech!!!!!!!)

Thanks again everyone. You've just all told me what I already knew but now I've relised I needn't be stupid about it.

Thankyou

Reply 7

Zafda

8

don't give into it because you think it'll make him happy.
in a relatinship, it takes 2 to tango, and if you force yourself to 'try' things you're really not into then it could ruin what you both have.

you should've talked to him a while back about it, i'm sure if you do now he'll understand but he'll probably feel pretty poo (he may think he's lead you into something you're waaay not comfortable with, & feel guilty about it all).

Reply 8

foxiroxi

10

Zafda

don't give into it because you think it'll make him happy.
in a relatinship, it takes 2 to tango, and if you force yourself to 'try' things you're really not into then it could ruin what you both have.

you should've talked to him a while back about it, i'm sure if you do now he'll understand but he'll probably feel pretty poo (he may think he's lead you into something you're waaay not comfortable with, & feel guilty about it all).

I won't give in to make him happy. I won't force myself to do anything but I think I should, and a small [part of me is saying to try it. Never know, might surprise myself!

I know I should have spoken before about it but I don't find it easy talking about sexual things to anyone. I can have vauge conversations with my boyfriend but can't talk about it to anyone else. I'm just to embaresed. Don't tell me I shouldn't be with someone I can't talk about this to easily because I can't even talk about things with my best mates.

He may feel poo but at the same time there's plenty we enjoy doing together anyway. if it does come to me not liking what he has planned I'm sure it won't be the end of us.

What should I do/say?

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