Problems with my family.

My parents have been divorced for years and ever since my sister and I have gone to my Dad's house twice a week. On the surface it appears to have worked out fine, but my sister is 17 now and barely ever sees him anymore. He thinks it's because she's busy seeing her boyfriend, but the actual reason is that she feels overpowered, patronised and basically like **** when she's in the presence of his long-term girlfriend.

I know how she feels - I'm a strong character and I don't care what she says to me, I'm there to see my Dad not her. My sister is quiet, shy and sensitive though and finds it hard to deal with. Not only this, but this girlfriend seems to be making decisions about my sister for my Dad. Stupid example I know, but the other day we went to McDonalds. My sister decided not to go for the usual reason. She asked me to bring her back some chicken nuggets (she likes them cold, gross!) but when I mentioned it the girlfriend said, "no, if she wanted them she should have come here to get them herself. She can't have them". Dad just went along with it. Then when he dropped me off at home Mum asked if we'd brought sis the nuggets and he told her they'd run out!

Dad's always lying to her about the level on involvement he has with my mum and her side of the family (they're really close), and I really don't know what to think. Not to mention both my dad and sister missing out on a father/daughter relationship. I'm sick of this situation, I'm sick of seeing my sister like this and I'm sick of constantly having to 'debate' back to his girlfriend when she inevitably disagrees with my opinions on everything.

I don't even know if my dad likes his girlfriend anymore, he doesn't seem particularly enamoured with her. But I'm worried that if I mention any of this to Dad he'll take it the wrong way or we'll fall out. I don't want to go back to uni on bad terms, especially since we usually have such a good relationship.

Any suggestions? :frown:

Reply 1

Grey

It's life, and I know it may suck you just have to learn to cope with it and not to let it get you down.

I would advise that your sister confronts this girlfriend and they talk out their differences and problems with each other, your father should know what is more important to him, in my opinion it seems like this girlfriend is jealous.

You're lucky that you got to see your father twice a week, when ym father ran out on my mother when I was a kid the last thing he said to me was "see you later"

The next time I saw him was five years later. :rolleyes:

Reply 2

lukeitfc

It seems to me that it's bothering you too, contrary to the statement in the beginning. Talk to your mum, she knows your dad better than us, she may have advice you haven't thought of. If your dad has as much involvement as you say, your mother may talk him round.

Thing is, if your dad really loves this girl, I don't know if there's much you'll be able to do, it may be the only option to live with it.

I d

Reply 3

latot

I agree with lukeitfc; talk to your mum about it, she may have some advice.

But on top of that, I'd say that perhaps a small talk with your dad would do well. If you have as good a relationship with him as you say then he should take no offense of it. And perhaps if you 2 can sort something out, maybe then talk to the girlfriend about it as well.

Something i've learned from experience is that 9 times out of 10, talking things through helps

Reply 4

Anonymous #2

That sounds so hard for you. I come from a similar set up and know how difficult it can be with step-mothers or girlfriends.

I'd just remember that, though dads can sometimes get wrapped up in their new relationships (like mine did) so it seems there's no room for anyone else, you're his kids - you'll always be his number one priority. That doesn't mean you should throw your weight around and demand things from him (which I'm sure you don't), but if he knew that not only one but two of his kids were unhappy with the situation, I'm sure he'd respond. The best way to tackle it would be to talk to him really calmly and listen to what he says- I know thats what everyone says, but if you are mature and doing it in the best interests of your family, then you'll show her up as being immature, bitter and demanding. If you involve her in the discussion too, then you can't be accused of pushing her out the way she's pushing you and your sister out.

Reply 5

Grey

you'll always be his number one priority.

In a sad sad sad world it sometimes isn't.

But in your case I'm sure you are, you are lucky you have a maintained relationship with your father, you understand him, there aren't any akward silences when you are with him, you can approach him and speak to him in confidence.

Just try and get all said persons involved to talk it over.