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Something I truly do not get...

Why is it that people get upset when you tell them that you love them when they can't reciprocate the feelings?

Like I truly don't understand it... If one of my female friends that I had no attraction to told me they loved me.. I really wouldn't be upset or worried about it... sure maybe a little awkward around them for a while.. but otherwise :confused:

Anyone enlighten me on this?

Reply 1

Kittennffc

15

They might feel guilty about it?

Reply 2

Sazarina88

11

Depends in what way they say. I'd say "I love you" to my friends in a totally different way to how I would say it to someone I was attracted to/dating.

The reason people probably get upset is that they're telling you something from the heart that they mean (let's not get into a debate about what love means) and for you not to say it back I guess they feel rejected.

In a relationship, I think a major issue is when someone tells the other person they love them and the other person does not reciprocate. No big deal - the person that has said that they love you needn't feel rejected. It's probably that the one who hasn't said those three words doesn't want to yet for whatever reason.

To be honest, I wouldn't tell someone that I loved them unless I knew that they could reciprocate or were very near to being able to :smile:

Reply 3

Anonymous #1

I think it's coz if you're not attracted to someone and don't feel that way about them, you really do not want them to feel that way about you. It would make me feel a bit disturbed, and violated in a way - they're thinking about you in a way you don't want them to, and you've got no control over it. I'd also be worried they might go a bit psycho, stalker-style! Basically people don't like others to feel a certain way about them when they don't feel that way.

Reply 4

L i b

19

Well, it's quite likely it'll ruin your friendship...

Reply 5

Ron Stoppable

14

latot

Why is it that people get upset when you tell them that you love them when they can't reciprocate the feelings?

Like I truly don't understand it... If one of my female friends that I had no attraction to told me they loved me.. I really wouldn't be upset or worried about it... sure maybe a little awkward around them for a while.. but otherwise :confused:

Anyone enlighten me on this?

... because too many people read excessively into the meaning of "I love you" and then can't conjure up a response to better the feelings they've just projected. It expresses a feeling - nothing more. If one person says it and means it, then the other says it merely to return the compliment immediately, they don't leave much space for the feeling of love to grow later. It introduces what is usually the first big lie in the relationship - and what point is a relationship built on lies? In this case, I love you doesn't even mean "I love you"; instead it means "You're nice, I don't want to hurt you" or "I want to have sex with you". You know it happens. :wink:

So, the next time you hear those three words - cultivate the feeling. ;heart; Then screw a verbal reply and say it instead with a delightfully thoughtful action.

Passionate kissing's good.

Reply 6

Tennessee

you know what? I TOTALLY agree! i didnt even TELL this person, other people did, but not only did she get upset, she full on ignored me. WHAT? All my other friends couldn't understand it. This happened to another friend of mine, but everything turned out fine with them! :rolleyes:

i guess it is just up to the person being told to be honest!

Reply 7

unfinished sympathy

15

latot

Why is it that people get upset when you tell them that you love them when they can't reciprocate the feelings?

Like I truly don't understand it... If one of my female friends that I had no attraction to told me they loved me.. I really wouldn't be upset or worried about it... sure maybe a little awkward around them for a while.. but otherwise :confused:

Anyone enlighten me on this?

well maybe they feel guilty the fact they cant reciprocate the feelings would make anyone comfortable,and under pressure to feel in love witht the other person!

Reply 8

unfinished sympathy

15

wesetters

:dito:

And perhaps they worry they'll lose you as a friend?

exactly

Reply 9

fizzerz

in my case I just felt horribly guilty becuase I felt like I had done something bad to make him feel like that. And I didnt want to break his heart.

Reply 10

MagicNMedicine

20

Ron Stoppable

It introduces what is usually the first big lie in the relationship - and what point is a relationship built on lies?

very true

Reply 11

latot

OP

fizzerz

in my case I just felt horribly guilty becuase I felt like I had done something bad to make him feel like that. And I didnt want to break his heart.

Thank you for saying that.. it has truly warmed my heart

But I fear I still don't fully understand.. sure guilt about making someone feel that way and fear about breaking their heart... but taking a period of months to "get over it"... :confused:

Thanks though.. I feel a little more understanding of the situation..

Reply 12

squigaletta

fizzerz

in my case I just felt horribly guilty becuase I felt like I had done something bad to make him feel like that. And I didnt want to break his heart.

totally ditto!

Reply 13

unfinished sympathy

15

latot

Thank you for saying that.. it has truly warmed my heart

But I fear I still don't fully understand.. sure guilt about making someone feel that way and fear about breaking their heart... but taking a period of months to "get over it"... :confused:

Thanks though.. I feel a little more understanding of the situation..

well i mean it can take ages for anyone to get oer any kind of relationship.. if youre the person who has hurt the other person then you feel guilty and cant get over the fact that youve hurt them! either way at the end of a relationship youll both e hurt! sad but true imo

Reply 14

latot

OP

But it has nothing to do with being in a relationship! That's what I don't get!

Reply 15

unfinished sympathy

15

latot

But it has nothing to do with being in a relationship! That's what I don't get!

it is, even a friendship is a sort of relationship! any way its just compassion for another person

Reply 16

latot

OP

Ah right.. by what you were saying I thought you were implying a relationship in the bf-gf terms...

But it's not at the end of a relationship.. we're still good friends (i'll assume that you have assumed it's not a hypothetical reason I brought this up)

Anyways.. I assured her I didn't want to lose her... and from the way she was talking.. it didn't seem as if she was upset because I was hurting.. more like she was the one being hurt and I was in the wrong

Reply 17

croissantfever

12

Tennessee

you know what? I TOTALLY agree! i didnt even TELL this person, other people did, but not only did she get upset, she full on ignored me. WHAT? All my other friends couldn't understand it. This happened to another friend of mine, but everything turned out fine with them! :rolleyes:

i guess it is just up to the person being told to be honest!

Or they may feel awkward cos theres the whole, you both being female thing thrown in in your situation. DOesn't make things easier. A lot of people get this 'I don't have a problem with gay people so long as they don't fancy me' mentality.

It just combines with the 'ooooooo this person likes me and i don't like them whats should i DOOOOOOOOOO' problem to make it all be crap. My solution, if you fancy straight people, don't tell them. Not only do you have a snowball in hells chance of getting with them but it usually ****s things up and makes things at least a little awkward between you.

Reply 18

Anthonyjm71

9

Tennessee

you know what? I TOTALLY agree! i didnt even TELL this person, other people did, but not only did she get upset, she full on ignored me. WHAT? All my other friends couldn't understand it. This happened to another friend of mine, but everything turned out fine with them! :rolleyes:

i guess it is just up to the person being told to be honest!