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Is it cheating...? Complex ethical situation...
Hi
I'll be going off to university this autumn, leaving behind my long-term girlfriend whom I love a great ammount. She is not going to university, and it will likely be very difficult (though not necesserially impossible) for her to visit me while I am in university (several hundred miles away from our homes), because of an illness she has had for a long time and is not likely to recover from for several years. The illness also means that sex is difficult (though not impossible) - I won't bore you with the details (it's not an STD though), particularly difficult when compounded with the fact that her illness means she will be unable to even think about moving away from home for many years, making finding the time to be together is very difficult indeed what with family members (and a particularly nosy younger sibling!) being around.
I love my girlfriend immensely, and I know that the feeling is reciprocated. However, I am also quite easilly tempted, and do not personally think of sex as a "sacred act" or whatever. If I sleep with other girls while at university, can I justify myself, or am I just being a cheating swine? I would be doing this in the knowledge that I still love my girlfriend. Would it be immoral to tell any girl that I loved someone else and was sleeping with them for pleasure alone? Would it be any more ethical NOT to tell them? If I did do this, should I tell my girlfriend? I am unsure of how she would handle it, but I'm sure you'll agree this is a special case. Would you, in her situation, forgive me?
I do love this girl very much, and am open to the possibility that she might even be "the one" (and I don't normally believe in that sort of thing), however I also know that I shall be away from her for long periods, and sleeping with other girls will actually help ease the pain of that.
I'll be going off to university this autumn, leaving behind my long-term girlfriend whom I love a great ammount. She is not going to university, and it will likely be very difficult (though not necesserially impossible) for her to visit me while I am in university (several hundred miles away from our homes), because of an illness she has had for a long time and is not likely to recover from for several years. The illness also means that sex is difficult (though not impossible) - I won't bore you with the details (it's not an STD though), particularly difficult when compounded with the fact that her illness means she will be unable to even think about moving away from home for many years, making finding the time to be together is very difficult indeed what with family members (and a particularly nosy younger sibling!) being around.
I love my girlfriend immensely, and I know that the feeling is reciprocated. However, I am also quite easilly tempted, and do not personally think of sex as a "sacred act" or whatever. If I sleep with other girls while at university, can I justify myself, or am I just being a cheating swine? I would be doing this in the knowledge that I still love my girlfriend. Would it be immoral to tell any girl that I loved someone else and was sleeping with them for pleasure alone? Would it be any more ethical NOT to tell them? If I did do this, should I tell my girlfriend? I am unsure of how she would handle it, but I'm sure you'll agree this is a special case. Would you, in her situation, forgive me?
I do love this girl very much, and am open to the possibility that she might even be "the one" (and I don't normally believe in that sort of thing), however I also know that I shall be away from her for long periods, and sleeping with other girls will actually help ease the pain of that.
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Reply 1
I really don't see how if you think she might be "the one" you could even consider sleeping with other girls at university to "help" you deal with being away from her.
Reply 3
Sazarina88
I really don't see how if you think she might be "the one" you could even consider sleeping with other girls at university to "help" you deal with being away from her.
I agree with this
Reply 4
You clearly don't love her enough.
Reply 6
A situation is only complex if you make it complex. You're going to be away from your girlfriend at university. You'll still see her, just not as often. If you love her, you love her and don't go sleeping around.
I think you've fallen into the trap of thinking that university is all about getting laid...
How long-term is your relationship? If she's had this illness for a long time, why is it suddenly becoming an issue that you haven't had much sex?
I think you've fallen into the trap of thinking that university is all about getting laid...
How long-term is your relationship? If she's had this illness for a long time, why is it suddenly becoming an issue that you haven't had much sex?
Reply 7
I wouldn't say it's too complex. I'm quite open on love, sex, etc... but still, this is definately cheating, and I don't think it's fair in the slightest (and I'm an *******, too, so it must be bad).
Anonymous
Hi
I'll be going off to university this autumn, leaving behind my long-term girlfriend whom I love a great ammount. She is not going to university, and it will likely be very difficult (though not necesserially impossible) for her to visit me while I am in university (several hundred miles away from our homes), because of an illness she has had for a long time and is not likely to recover from for several years. The illness also means that sex is difficult (though not impossible) - I won't bore you with the details (it's not an STD though), particularly difficult when compounded with the fact that her illness means she will be unable to even think about moving away from home for many years, making finding the time to be together is very difficult indeed what with family members (and a particularly nosy younger sibling!) being around.
I love my girlfriend immensely, and I know that the feeling is reciprocated. However, I am also quite easilly tempted, and do not personally think of sex as a "sacred act" or whatever. If I sleep with other girls while at university, can I justify myself, or am I just being a cheating swine? I would be doing this in the knowledge that I still love my girlfriend. Would it be immoral to tell any girl that I loved someone else and was sleeping with them for pleasure alone? Would it be any more ethical NOT to tell them? If I did do this, should I tell my girlfriend? I am unsure of how she would handle it, but I'm sure you'll agree this is a special case. Would you, in her situation, forgive me?
I do love this girl very much, and am open to the possibility that she might even be "the one" (and I don't normally believe in that sort of thing), however I also know that I shall be away from her for long periods, and sleeping with other girls will actually help ease the pain of that.
I'll be going off to university this autumn, leaving behind my long-term girlfriend whom I love a great ammount. She is not going to university, and it will likely be very difficult (though not necesserially impossible) for her to visit me while I am in university (several hundred miles away from our homes), because of an illness she has had for a long time and is not likely to recover from for several years. The illness also means that sex is difficult (though not impossible) - I won't bore you with the details (it's not an STD though), particularly difficult when compounded with the fact that her illness means she will be unable to even think about moving away from home for many years, making finding the time to be together is very difficult indeed what with family members (and a particularly nosy younger sibling!) being around.
I love my girlfriend immensely, and I know that the feeling is reciprocated. However, I am also quite easilly tempted, and do not personally think of sex as a "sacred act" or whatever. If I sleep with other girls while at university, can I justify myself, or am I just being a cheating swine? I would be doing this in the knowledge that I still love my girlfriend. Would it be immoral to tell any girl that I loved someone else and was sleeping with them for pleasure alone? Would it be any more ethical NOT to tell them? If I did do this, should I tell my girlfriend? I am unsure of how she would handle it, but I'm sure you'll agree this is a special case. Would you, in her situation, forgive me?
I do love this girl very much, and am open to the possibility that she might even be "the one" (and I don't normally believe in that sort of thing), however I also know that I shall be away from her for long periods, and sleeping with other girls will actually help ease the pain of that.
I cannot believe you just tried justifying cheating on your girlfriend with that load of *******s at the end.
I'm sure your girlfriend would be most touched if she found out that you were missing her so much that you had to go shag other girls to deal with it.
Reply 9
Yep what others have said. However I'll take it a step further...
Well at least you know whats right and wrong, I'm not really sure whether you'll be treating your girlfriend right... cause like you had said if she really was the one, would you really have thoughts about cheating on her in the first place?
You might need to re-examine yourself there and your real intentions.
Well at least you know whats right and wrong, I'm not really sure whether you'll be treating your girlfriend right... cause like you had said if she really was the one, would you really have thoughts about cheating on her in the first place?
You might need to re-examine yourself there and your real intentions.
Reply 10
hopefully she'll get some sense and get rid of you. how can you even think about doing that to her?
Reply 11
Yeah how would you like it if she was thinking of doing that to you.
I think the real point is here is, your tempted to cheat while at uni so your fishing for any excuses possible to make it feel what your doing is right.
If you love her like you say you do then sleeping with other girls just isn't going to feel right plus if you didnt tell them what if they grow feelings for you????
Its simple im sure using your hand will be fine
If you love her like you say you do then sleeping with other girls just isn't going to feel right plus if you didnt tell them what if they grow feelings for you????
Its simple im sure using your hand will be fine
Reply 14
I don't see any good justification there; basically your argument is that you're horny and you can't contain yourself. If you take the view that sex isn't a hugely significant act, surely you would be able to tell your girlfriend that you'll be sleeping with other women? If you are having sexual relationships which you are hiding from your girlfriend, that's cheating, plain and simple. You can't get around it by saying you still love her, because if you did, you wouldn't be prepared to sleep with other women without her knowledge just to satisty your desires. If you talked to her about all this and she was happy for you to have sex with other women while she was unavailable, it would be acceptable (though unorthodox) but I don't imagine the chances of that are very high.
And of course the other blindingly obvious point to make is that, if you feel horny and she's not there, there is one simple, ethical solution; masturbation.
And of course the other blindingly obvious point to make is that, if you feel horny and she's not there, there is one simple, ethical solution; masturbation.
What? Can't believe I'm reading this.
If you sleep with other people whilst you're still going out with someone, then you're cheating.
No matter how you try to explain it away, you're still doing wrong.
Sounds like you don't think a whole lot of your girlfriend so it's probably best to end it now before you hurt her even more. Don't make her illness the excuse either.
If you sleep with other people whilst you're still going out with someone, then you're cheating.
No matter how you try to explain it away, you're still doing wrong.
Sounds like you don't think a whole lot of your girlfriend so it's probably best to end it now before you hurt her even more. Don't make her illness the excuse either.
Reply 16
Your post showed the desire to adopt an adult behaviour (although it's certainly not the most desirable behaviour for an adult!) towards sex: indeed, you'd hardly be the only couple who are "open" when it comes to sex. I know older couples who do that quite a bit. It's not for me but after all, if you love your partner and trust them enough, why not. It makes more sense to do that when you're in a mature, serious relationship, rather than when you're in a young relationship where there isn't as much communication and understanding and where sex with other people is only going to be a source of hurt and misunderstanding.
However you then ask us whether you should tell her
That shows a total lack of respect for her as a person. You try to explain why all this doesn't make you a bad person then you ask us whether you should tell her about any of this? If you're in a relationship and you're doing stuff you can't admit to your partner then you're not much of a nice person are you?
However you then ask us whether you should tell her
That shows a total lack of respect for her as a person. You try to explain why all this doesn't make you a bad person then you ask us whether you should tell her about any of this? If you're in a relationship and you're doing stuff you can't admit to your partner then you're not much of a nice person are you?Reply 17
Gem
If you sleep with other people whilst you're still going out with someone, then you're cheating.
No matter how you try to explain it away, you're still doing wrong.
If you sleep with other people whilst you're still going out with someone, then you're cheating.
No matter how you try to explain it away, you're still doing wrong.
Not necessarily. If the girl is ok with it, where's the problem?
Gem
Sounds like you don't think a whole lot of your girlfriend so it's probably best to end it now before you hurt her even more. Don't make her illness the excuse either.
Sounds like you don't think a whole lot of your girlfriend so it's probably best to end it now before you hurt her even more. Don't make her illness the excuse either.
Exactly the impression I got. Sounds more like she's the girlfriend he's been falling back on while he's been looking for something better. OP, if you're hoping to meet someone better then spare her the heartache instead of just using her as your fallback option.
Reply 18
Having been an 'ill girlfriend' in the past myself (for 2 years) -and although I don't know what your gf's situation is- it's not a happy time being ill for any extended period of time. Personally if my boyfriend had cheated on me then i'd have just given up on everything cause I felt he was all I had left. If you want to do this talk to her about an open realationship but do not do it behind her back and cause her more pain in an already difficult stage of her life. Don't use the situation as an excuse to cheat-but don't let it be all that keeps you together either.
Reply 19
It makes you a cheating swine. Fini. Might I add that your post sounds more like an attempt to convince yourself rather than us that you love her.
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