Overweight at University? Size 18+ Watch

melissarose19
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Hey Everyone

I have been looking around on here and can't find any posts about being overweight... aside from a few people who are a size 10, calling themselves "fat".

I want to know if anyone is overweight now, or has been in the past... and had to start university whilst being on the larger side!

Questions if this relates to you in the past:
How did you feel?
Were you confident and comfortable in your own skin?
Did you feel scared that you wouldn't make many friends?
Get judged a lot, or made fun of?
How did you deal with freshers, making new friends and "fitting in" when other people were all a lot smaller than you?

A very close friend of mine, is a size 22. She has her own personal reasons for being this size. She is going to university, away from me for the first time in years (cries!) Starting her first year next month and she is terrified of not making any friends, being judged or not being invited out or included. She has lost over 2 stone so far, but when you are quite big already, there is an awful lot more weight to lose.

We are going to be at different universities... and I now cannot be there to make her feel secure all of the time. Which is what I have done throughout our college years together!

The way in which some people can judge and be so incredibly nasty, astounds me & pisses me off.

If you are here just to say "eat less and get exercising" then please do not bother to comment! This post is not about getting healthy tips.

BUT If you are overweight and worried about these things now, then please share... or if you have had worries in the past.

And also, anyone who can offer some comfort or advice - if you are a regular healthy or skinny person, male or female... how do you perceive this? Would you still be friends with a larger person, make an effort with them? Stand up for them if bullying comes to light?
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curlycherry
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I'd be friends with her, it's hard going to a completely new place away from your comfort zone. And with your own personal insecurities and demons it's even harder. I'm not overweight but I understand what it's like to be overly self conscious and anxious about what you think others will think of you. I don't think anyone at uni will care though, hopefully everyone's matured and not judgemental. She'll be fine! You should check up on her lots and visit her as much as possible. I'm sure she'd appreciate that whether or not she's struggling to fit in.
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elri
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Ofcourse I would be friends with a larger person, anyone who wouldn't just for the pure fact you're larger is mad. As long as you're nice/we get along I'll be friends with anyone. I don't think university is a time when people will be all stuck up friendswise because most people will turn up not knowing anyone else there. (PS I'm skinny and get worried about being too small so everyone has their insecurities)
Hope you enjoy uni; it's time to stop being overly worried and just enjoy life
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alexiaplz
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(Original post by melissarose19)
And also, anyone who can offer some comfort or advice - if you are a regular healthy or skinny person, male or female... how do you perceive this? Would you still be friends with a larger person, make an effort with them? Stand up for them if bullying comes to light?

Hey, I just wanted to answer this part of your post! Last year one of my flatmates was on the large side. I think there is no problem whatsoever with how people look or carry themselves (be it their weight/size, fashion choices, religion etc..) as long as it doesnt affect the people around you.

At the beginning, I had no problem - we got along real well even! I believe most people at uni are past the age where weight is an actual social issue. We're all people here. However, this is where I would like to be a bit more precise - at some point my flatmate started bringing up her size very often in a way that would make me or my other flatmates feel uncomfortable. Things like, "I cant do what you guys are doing, I am large." "I cant eat what you guys are eating, I am large".
This is an understandable way of reacting - but it makes you feel bad for them and yourself. As soon as someone starts insisting that anything they do or are is dictated by the fact they are x or x weight or size, then that's when it becomes noticable to others.

In this case (a friend is it?), I would tell her to be confident in herself and to not let the fact she is overweight manipulate her into thinking she has to justify herself for things. Some people might be dicks - that's their fault. Most people are accepting. If she is working on it and okay with itm and additionally friendly - and doesnt make her life revolve around her weight only - then people, I believe, will not care for it.

People only think of something badly if you make it seem like a bad thing to start with, is what I think.


TL;DR: It is not a problem in my opinion whethe someone is overweight or not, but if the only thing they want to talk about is to compare sizes with you and guilt trip you about it, it will clearly become an issue. As do all things though.

Sorry for the rant haha;;
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Sunshineeee
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I would be perfectly friendly with this person and would never be insulting. However, as horrid as it sounds, I would be put off becoming good friends with somebody size 16+ as they're it's likely that they won't have many of the same interests as me...


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melissarose19
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(Original post by alexiaplz)

TL;DR: It is not a problem in my opinion whethe someone is overweight or not, but if the only thing they want to talk about is to compare sizes with you and guilt trip you about it, it will clearly become an issue. As do all things though.

Sorry for the rant haha;;
That's not a rant at all! Thank you for sharing.

I am myself, a size 14. And I used to be a 24!! until last year. So that is really how we became very close - both being in the same boat I suppose!

This is not me posting anonymously saying oo its about a "friend" haha when everyone knows it is always about themselves!

She is quiet and shy but very intelligent. Extremely friendly once someone bares a smile, still finds the voice or the guts to approach complete strangers and say hello.

I have never once heard her say she can't do this or that, because of her size. She prefers to ignore it completely! But also hide it, in dark clothes and avoids situations like the plague where a lot of men would be around.

I myself suffered through some bad experiences in school but I guess with being younger, that is just what happens these days! I have too in all honesty felt nervous about starting next month but once you snap out of it and tell yourself that if someone does not want to accept you as you are then theres nothing you can do to stop that.

As earlier posts have said, anyone who is any size, has their own insecurities. And anyone, small or large can still be a nasty person so of course if someone is overweight you might want to be their friend but if they're a complete d bag then you wouldn't bother.

I really just wanted to post something, so that I could show her - not everyone will have the same opinions. And that whilst shes losing weight now, people who avoid her do not deserve to be a friend once the weight has dropped off. I have tried telling her that at the very least, it will show who she can really be great friends with! lol.
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alexiaplz
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" people who avoid her do not deserve to be a friend once the weight has dropped off." + "if someone does not want to accept you as you are then theres nothing you can do to stop that."
very true words. Additionally, if someone does not accept you as you are, they are not worth your time and feelings either.

In the end I really do think it depends on how much you, as a person, treat your insecurities. You can own them or you can let them overtake you and your relationships. From your description, she seems to be a very smart, easy to get along with girl so do tell her it is nothing to worry about - her worries are justified but everyone is welcoming to a smiling person~
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iamu
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You will get people that will be put off/ make jokes etc but that's life, happens everywhere

If she's got friends already, there's no reason she won't at uni
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LostInStereo123
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(Original post by melissarose19)
I am myself, a size 14. And I used to be a 24!! until last year. So that is really how we became very close - both being in the same boat I suppose!

This is not me posting anonymously saying oo its about a "friend" haha when everyone knows it is always about themselves!

She is quiet and shy but very intelligent. Extremely friendly once someone bares a smile, still finds the voice or the guts to approach complete strangers and say hello.

I have never once heard her say she can't do this or that, because of her size. She prefers to ignore it completely! But also hide it, in dark clothes and avoids situations like the plague where a lot of men would be around.

I myself suffered through some bad experiences in school but I guess with being younger, that is just what happens these days! I have too in all honesty felt nervous about starting next month but once you snap out of it and tell yourself that if someone does not want to accept you as you are then theres nothing you can do to stop that.

As earlier posts have said, anyone who is any size, has their own insecurities. And anyone, small or large can still be a nasty person so of course if someone is overweight you might want to be their friend but if they're a complete d bag then you wouldn't bother.

I really just wanted to post something, so that I could show her - not everyone will have the same opinions. And that whilst shes losing weight now, people who avoid her do not deserve to be a friend once the weight has dropped off. I have tried telling her that at the very least, it will show who she can really be great friends with! lol.
If you don't mind me asking, how did you lose the weight? Congrats btw!
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Joshale
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(Original post by Sunshineeee)
I would be perfectly friendly with this person and would never be insulting. However, as horrid as it sounds, I would be put off becoming good friends with somebody size 16+ as they're it's likely that they won't have many of the same interests as me...


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I agree with this, as long as they're fun and wanting a good night out (e.g. partying) but also I'm into my fitness and sports, a lot and they most likely won't be
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jellybean_
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Thought I'd add my two cents, if you're still interested

I started university as a size 20 (no idea on what my weight was, but I'm only 5"4 so I was sizeable). I had no problem making friends - so long as you are friendly, people don't really care.

Of course I got one or two jibes during freshers week and nights out but it was expected, tell your friend to try and get a thick skin just in case But within university I had no problems. People of all ages, races, sizes etc are there to learn, so people don't look down on you for looking a bit different. I made friends with people from all walks of life, and never did I feel any of them were judging me due to my size

A tip I'd pass on to your friend is try not to be shy because of your weight. For example, if all the girls are getting ready together for a night out, join in. There were times when I'd get ready on my own whilst all my female flatmates did their make up and everything together, because I was scared of what they may think of my style (being bigger, you don't necessarily wear the skimpy night out outfits!). I'm not saying she has to run in with her underwear on and ask the girls for outfit opinions, but you know what I mean

Through the sheer business of uni life and having better control of my eating habits (buying my own food etc), I got down to a size 16 within a year, which I know isn't small but it's progress. Good luck to your friend, and tell her not to let it hold her back - your university years are (hopefully) some of the best of your life!


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melissarose19
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Everyone please keep commenting, sharing.. more is welcome!
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melissarose19
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(Original post by jellybean_)
Thought I'd add my two cents, if you're still interested

I started university as a size 20 (no idea on what my weight was, but I'm only 5"4 so I was sizeable). I had no problem making friends - so long as you are friendly, people don't really care.

Of course I got one or two jibes during freshers week and nights out but it was expected, tell your friend to try and get a thick skin just in case But within university I had no problems. People of all ages, races, sizes etc are there to learn, so people don't look down on you for looking a bit different. I made friends with people from all walks of life, and never did I feel any of them were judging me due to my size

A tip I'd pass on to your friend is try not to be shy because of your weight. For example, if all the girls are getting ready together for a night out, join in. There were times when I'd get ready on my own whilst all my female flatmates did their make up and everything together, because I was scared of what they may think of my style (being bigger, you don't necessarily wear the skimpy night out outfits!). I'm not saying she has to run in with her underwear on and ask the girls for outfit opinions, but you know what I mean

Through the sheer business of uni life and having better control of my eating habits (buying my own food etc), I got down to a size 16 within a year, which I know isn't small but it's progress. Good luck to your friend, and tell her not to let it hold her back - your university years are (hopefully) some of the best of your life!


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Hey. Thanks for sharing.. very good 2 cents there!

It is definitely easier to lose weight, either with a ton of support or completely on your own. Going to a store and buying junk for a night in, by yourself doesn't feel great where as when someone else is buying it and bringing it into your home its much easier to give in.

Well done on your progress to a size 16, thats fab!

I think what you've said about the girly nights out, getting ready together... is a very good point. Especially as I have myself avoided that. We don't all need to be the same right! Even now with weight off me, I won't ever feel comfy in a short dress and thats OK, just as OK as it is for girls with great figures to wear em! Its surprising how much getting ready together can make people form closer bonds too.

Its always a tough subject... weight and size, even race. I guess every person will get picked on for something, at some time in their life.

Pretty good idea to think that if you don't show people that its an issue, then how can they think its an issue! After all someones appearance neverrr has any effect on another persons life! x
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melissarose19
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(Original post by Joshale)
I agree with this, as long as they're fun and wanting a good night out (e.g. partying) but also I'm into my fitness and sports, a lot and they most likely won't be
That's a perfectly fine & normal opinion/view to have... even if someone appears to be slim, they also may have zero interest in sports! But never stops you from working together in uni or being polite nice to know, thank you! xo
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Joshale
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(Original post by melissarose19)
That's a perfectly fine & normal opinion/view to have... even if someone appears to be slim, they also may have zero interest in sports! But never stops you from working together in uni or being polite nice to know, thank you! xo
the same goes for skinny people, or anybody who isn't into lifting/same sports as me as well, and happy to comment
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Bassman94
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I'm fat, obese as the BMI scale calls it. I also feel uncomfortable in my own skin, I don't even go out without wearing a jacket because I think people are judging me.
I have planned to lose weight whilst at my first year of Uni starting this September. There's a gym opposite the halls I'll be living in and I'm sure I'll find someone to go with or make some friends who are keen on fitness as I would like to be kept motivated.
I've tried many times to lose weight, I've been overweight since year 6 so believe me I know what it feels like.
What's changed for me this time is that I'm looking to make it a lifestyle change rather 'starve and exercise then eat what I want' because the weight will come back up.
I'll keep posting my progress on here once I manage to start Uni and everything in between


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drewBusby
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(Original post by Bassman94)
I'm fat, obese as the BMI scale calls it. I also feel uncomfortable in my own skin, I don't even go out without wearing a jacket because I think people are judging me.
I have planned to lose weight whilst at my first year of Uni starting this September. There's a gym opposite the halls I'll be living in and I'm sure I'll find someone to go with or make some friends who are keen on fitness as I would like to be kept motivated.
I've tried many times to lose weight, I've been overweight since year 6 so believe me I know what it feels like.
What's changed for me this time is that I'm looking to make it a lifestyle change rather 'starve and exercise then eat what I want' because the weight will come back up.
I'll keep posting my progress on here once I manage to start Uni and everything in between


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Using BMI to evaluate ones physique is not smart. If I were to use it I would be classed as obese. BMI does not take into account the individuals body fat percentage.



Btw whilst dieting did you track your caloric intake daily? Did you strive to stay at a caloric deficit?
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Bassman94
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(Original post by ROONEY-9-MUTD)
Using BMI to evaluate ones physique is not smart. If I were to use it I would be classed as obese. BMI does not take into account the individuals body fat percentage.



Btw whilst dieting did you track your caloric intake daily? Did you strive to stay at a caloric deficit?
I wasn't per say tracking them but I was making healthier changes.
This time around I'm tracking everything using my fitness pal on the iphone. So far it's going great.


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drewBusby
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(Original post by Bassman94)
I wasn't per say tracking them but I was making healthier changes.
This time around I'm tracking everything using my fitness pal on the iphone. So far it's going great.


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Nice one. Have you bought your kitchen scales yet.

Have a quick read on some articles on the topic of 'if it fits your macros

http://forum.bodybuilding.com/showth...hp?t=149661773
http://www.trimmedandtoned.com/beginners-guide-to-iifym

GL
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Precious Illusions
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I'm a bit chubby myself and I'm very much of the mindset that weight can be lost - an awful attitude and ****e personality are harder to fix. Well done to you and your friend for losing weight btw! If someone doesn't want to be friends with you because of how you look then good riddance, you don't need people like that in your life.
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