This may sound real bitchy but...

I do need help.

Me and my bf broke up around 3 weeks ago after a long term relationship (5 years) because he is attracted to someone that he works with and feels that he is better off with her as there were a few problems in our relationship. I was heartbroken when he told me that he'd been having an affair with her for a month, and she knew that me and him were going out but she loves him too and both are headed for marriage, which I'm not ready for as I'm only 19 (he is 23). I still love him like crazy but he doesn't want anything to do with me... He doesn't pick up my calls and has become very arrogant.

Anyway, theres another guy who I had kissed about 2 months ago because I was really drunk and I had no idea what I was doing...And I did tell my ex about this but after he broke up with me... Anyway, this guy gives me so much attention and makes me feel good about myself sometimes...and I'm slightly attracted to him and he wants us to be together but there are several issues involved:

1. I will be going to university soon and moving out, so is there really a point of getting involved with this guy?

2. He's kinda psycho...He texts me over 20 times a day, even if i don't text back...He tells me that if I ever stopped talking to him he will kill himself and always comes outside my house in his car just to see me from the window. Also, he's 23 but he hangs around with people my age and doesn't seem to have friends his age, which I find slightly weird.

3. He's got a girlfriend and says he will only break up with her if I go out with him because he's scared of lonliness.

4. He knows that I'm not over my ex and I love my ex but he's still always getting too touchy with me...

5. I feel that I'm using him as a rebound...

Basically, I don't really think I want him as a boyfriend but I miss my ex and so I feel the need to have someone to talk to at night and for someone to be there for me...But I don't want to give him wrong ideas either...Am I misleading him by talking to him at night because I feel lonely? I have told him that he's got a girlfriend and I've discussed the above issues with him and told him that I don't want to be his girl but he's not getting the message...Am i in the wrong?

Reply 1

Yahooey

The dumbfounded Yahooey truly wonders how in the name of God there are so many psychopathic people around.

Honestly, don't these people have any idea how to be normal?

This guy sounds like a lunatic and it sounds like the whole situation is not for the best.

Make a clean break and head off to Uni in a few weeks free of any ties.

The dumbfounded Yahooey has spoken.

Reply 2

Laika

1

Don't do it. Rebound written all over it, you'll regret it afterwards. What you need more than anything right now is space and to be by yourself and independant for a while. It will help you get back on your feet.

Reply 3

Anonymous #2

l suggest you stop speaking to both and change your mobile number.

Reply 4

Yahooey

The knowledgeable Yahooey suggests not changing your mobile number, but simply getting your network provider to block texts and calls from their numbers and also to delete their numbers from your phone.

The knowledgeable Yahooey has spoken.

Reply 5

bunnycatkid

Your ex sounds like he is making excuses for you going to uni, reading that made me feel quite mad, no one should be treated like that! This other guy sounds a bit obsessed, what willl he do with himself while your at uni? I would be quite scared if I knew someone like that. I know its really hard breaking up with someone after so long, but you have no reason to rebound onto this guy when there will be so many great and lovely single guys at uni. Spend a lot of time with your friends until you leave, and when you get there Im sure you'll find someone a million times better than your ex.

Reply 6

tbm

13

I think you should spend some time on your own and enjoy yourself, if you were with this bloke for 5 years, then maybe its time to have some space, especially if you are going off to uni soon.

Also I wouldnt bother even contacting your ex, he's made his feelings quite clear and to be honest you deserve better!

Reply 7

username47781

20

Yeah i wouldn't do it, i made that mistake and i regretted it big time, I think it's awful what your ex boyfriend did to you, he is a complete utter *******, in the long run you will be better off without him, it is his loss and what comes around goes around he will get his problems and wish he never left you.

Reply 8

Anonymous #1

OP

Laika

Don't do it. Rebound written all over it, you'll regret it afterwards. What you need more than anything right now is space and to be by yourself and independant for a while. It will help you get back on your feet.

I know it is a rebound but the thing is, I suffer from depression and I unless I'm occupied talking to someone, I can't get over my ex... I have tried to stop talking to this guy but it is especially difficult for me at night because me and my ex used to talk every single night and when I don't talk to this other guy, I can't sleep and even though I've taken my pills, I start sweating a lot and throwing up and shaking...

I also can't talk to any of my friends as they all have bfs/ gfs and are occupied at night talking to them...I do get scared talking to this boy at night...He tells me about how much I mean to him and has tried talking dirty with me once but that time I started crying and hung up and didn't speak to him for around 2 days, and then he sent me a picture of his arm and it was cut and bleeding and I couldn't help but to speak to him again...

Yahooey

The dumbfounded Yahooey truly wonders how in the name of God there are so many psychopathic people around.

Honestly, don't these people have any idea how to be normal?

This guy sounds like a lunatic and it sounds like the whole situation is not for the best.

Make a clean break and head off to Uni in a few weeks free of any ties.

The dumbfounded Yahooey has spoken.

I know he is psycho and I honestly don't want to be his girlfriend but he doesn't understand that I need him to be a friend to me and be there for me, as I don't have anyone else...

Reply 9

Anonymous #1

OP

Carl1982

Yeah i wouldn't do it, i made that mistake and i regretted it big time, I think it's awful what your ex boyfriend did to you, he is a complete utter *******, in the long run you will be better off without him, it is his loss and what comes around goes around he will get his problems and wish he never left you.

Sorry, I know this is completely off- topic but you honestly seem like such a nice guy... I've read some other threads about ex-boyfriends as I was previously too scared of starting my own one, and your replies have made me feel a bit more enthusiastic...even though my bf has done something so horrible to me and I shouldn't even be trying to get him back, I can't help the way I feel as I loved him...But thanks for providing some hope...Sorry, it had to be said....

Btw people keep replying and helping me please! :frown:

Reply 10

Laika

1

Anonymous

I know it is a rebound but the thing is, I suffer from depression and I unless I'm occupied talking to someone, I can't get over my ex... I have tried to stop talking to this guy but it is especially difficult for me at night because me and my ex used to talk every single night and when I don't talk to this other guy, I can't sleep and even though I've taken my pills, I start sweating a lot and throwing up and shaking...

I understand it is difficult to adjust, I've recently been through the same thing. From what you said though it seems like you do need some company to help you through but I would still recommend against the psycho guy. He is not a good solution to this problem and you're best off trying to cut him out. At least you will be at Uni very soon and there will always be people around to keep you company so that will help a lot. Is there no-one in your family that you could spend time with or no friends that could give up a night of their time for a sleepover or whatever?

That said, having been with someone for 5 years, although it is really difficult to spend nights alone, with time it does get better. It will help you to feel more comfortable with yourself and being alone. hatever happens I just don't think you should talk to psycho man even though it seems like the easy answer.

Reply 11

Tyler Durden

17

You would have to be totally and utterly crazy to get with this new guy.

Reply 12

Anthonyjm71

9

bunnycatkid

Your ex sounds like he is making excuses for you going to uni, reading that made me feel quite mad, no one should be treated like that! This other guy sounds a bit obsessed, what willl he do with himself while your at uni? I would be quite scared if I knew someone like that. I know its really hard breaking up with someone after so long, but you have no reason to rebound onto this guy when there will be so many great and lovely single guys at uni. Spend a lot of time with your friends until you leave, and when you get there Im sure you'll find someone a million times better than your ex.

true , I totally agree , you're right that is so true. :smile:

Reply 13

Anonymous #1

OP

Laika

I understand it is difficult to adjust, I've recently been through the same thing. From what you said though it seems like you do need some company to help you through but I would still recommend against the psycho guy. He is not a good solution to this problem and you're best off trying to cut him out. At least you will be at Uni very soon and there will always be people around to keep you company so that will help a lot. Is there no-one in your family that you could spend time with or no friends that could give up a night of their time for a sleepover or whatever?

That said, having been with someone for 5 years, although it is really difficult to spend nights alone, with time it does get better. It will help you to feel more comfortable with yourself and being alone. hatever happens I just don't think you should talk to psycho man even though it seems like the easy answer.

Its funny how he is now referred to as "psycho man," even though that is what he is...

I can't really ask friends to stay over every night until I get to uni, and one night won't make a difference to be honest. I have tried being strong about it and used alternatives to get to sleep, such as listening to music or having a nice long bath before I get to bed but it doesn't work...Even if i do fall asleep, I wake up in the middle of the night crying and sweating and shaking... Its really difficult...I can't stop thinking about my ex, and even though the psycho man chats crap when we're on the phone at night, it still keeps me occupied...

And one situation that has made it worse is that it was my bday y'day and I went to a local pub with a few friends...and some really horrible girls who I used to study with turned up (we don't get along at all) and started asking me questions about my ex and how we managed to break up after such a long time...I was shocked that they knew about the break up but it turns out that my ex bumped into some of them a few days ago and they enquired about the status of our relationship and he told them that it was over...So basically, my bday ended up with me crying in the toilets because I was so embarassed and felt useless and hopeless...

Reply 14

Redefined

13

Nothing in your post seemed bitchy. This new guy sounds like he has some real issues and I'd stay well clear if I were you.

Reply 15

HereFishyFishy

13

Jesus, don't do it.
With all due respect, you obviously have some serious issues to sort out. You don't need to deal with his issues too.
I can understand how you feel. I felt quite similar when my 4-year relationship ended a while ago. You just have to rely on your friends during this time and, well, think about everything. Your boyfriend was a complete arse and even if you did get back with him, you'd never be happy after all this.
You don't need anybody. You may feel like you do, but you don't. Try to think about the good things and good people in your life, rather than dwelling on the negatives. It's easier said than done but eventually you will feel a lot better about yourself.

Reply 16

Anonymous #1

OP

Ok cool, everyone is saying the same thing..."stay clear of the psycho man," but I have two major questions, and I'd really appreciate if ppl can answer them:

1. How do I get to sleep at nights when I can't?

2. How exactly do I get rid of the psycho man? I can't change my number as its a long process. I can't not answer because last time I did that, he sent me pictures of his hand and it was cut and bleeding, and when I saw him yday at my bday doo, the cut was quite deep. So basically, I'm scared of what will happen next time if I do ignore his calls.

And he always comes outside my house in his car and tells me to look out of the window, and even if I'm with family and I can't, he stays until I look out so he can see me.

Reply 17

Yahooey

The awesome Yahooey would like to answer your questions.

1) Drugs, be they chloroform, weed, sleeping pills, booze or any combination of the above.

2) Simply cut contact with him. Don't respond to his texts, don't answer his calls, don't answer the door to him, just ignore him. If he wants to be a silly knob and slit his wrists because you're not talking to him then who cares? It's not your responsibility to babysit a mentally ill asstard, it's a good thing that there's one less chronic mistake of nature pissing in the gene pool anyway.

The awesome Yahooey has spoken.

Reply 18

HereFishyFishy

13

Anonymous

Ok cool, everyone is saying the same thing..."stay clear of the psycho man," but I have two major questions, and I'd really appreciate if ppl can answer them:

1. How do I get to sleep at nights when I can't?

2. How exactly do I get rid of the psycho man? I can't change my number as its a long process. I can't not answer because last time I did that, he sent me pictures of his hand and it was cut and bleeding, and when I saw him yday at my bday doo, the cut was quite deep. So basically, I'm scared of what will happen next time if I do ignore his calls.

And he always comes outside my house in his car and tells me to look out of the window, and even if I'm with family and I can't, he stays until I look out so he can see me.

1) Keep active in the day, use sleeping pills, make your bed space more comfortable i.e. a decent matress, nice fluffy pillows and covers,a nice-smelling oil.

2) Seriously: Not. your. problem. You're going to have to ignore him if you ever want him to get the message.

Reply 19

Redefined

13

Anonymous

1. How do I get to sleep at nights when I can't?

2. How exactly do I get rid of the psycho man? I can't change my number as its a long process. I can't not answer because last time I did that, he sent me pictures of his hand and it was cut and bleeding, and when I saw him yday at my bday doo, the cut was quite deep. So basically, I'm scared of what will happen next time if I do ignore his calls.

1. I used to have problems falling asleep, it would sometimes take over an hour. I can't really offer any great advice here but when I had this problem I would listen to relaxing music, it was better to listen to music rather than my own thoughts.

2. I think that this is a very common problem with people. I've experienced people threatening to kill themselves if I left and I know of many other people who have experienced this, so don't feel your alone. I would normally offer the same advice as above, which is to stop all communication with him but I'll offer an alternative to this. Firstly tell your parents, let them help in whatever way they can as it seems your going through this all on your own and is having a huge effect on your life. Secondly, and if possible, tell his parents so they can watch out for sign of self harm/suicide.

This may sound real bitchy but...

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