How do you cope when you know you're not working but you still love him?
I don't know what to do. I have been with my boyfriend for 8 months and love him so much, but I just know that we're not going to work out. I love him so much, I don't want to let him go, just in case things would work out differently to how I am imagining. Would you take the risk or end it now when the feelings are really strong? Not sure what to do. I don't know what I'd do without him ..
You shouldn't just end things in fear of something bad happening, if you love him then the relationship is something worth trying for. You will probably regret breaking up and always wonder what could have happened if you end it with such strong feelings.
Original post by chelsiepaige17
You shouldn't just end things in fear of something bad happening, if you love him then the relationship is something worth trying for. You will probably regret breaking up and always wonder what could have happened if you end it with such strong feelings.
I worry about falling too deeply for him and getting hurt. I love him so much already but I know my feelings are only going to deepen over time, I guess that is what worries me most.
Original post by Zarek
Why's it not going to work out?
Well for a start he recently changed courses at Uni which means he will be finishing a year after me. We live on opposite sides of the country so it wouldn't be easy to see each other, I plan to move back home to catch up with family as I feel I have missed out on a lot this past 2 years - he will be staying near the Uni in a shared house. He's very social, always out with friends, volunteering, working etc. He's never doing 'nothing' which makes me wonder whether he will have time for me if we have the long distance relationship (which atm is a definite arrangement)..
Long distance is hard, but if you love each other i believe it is possible. You just need to make sure that it's what both of you want and that both of you are going to try your best to make it work.
Original post by Old_Simon
If you out your family first then obviously you don't really care about him. Get a grip and make adult choices.
... Is this a serious comment?
Original post by chelsiepaige17
Long distance is hard, but if you love each other i believe it is possible. You just need to make sure that it's what both of you want and that both of you are going to try your best to make it work.
I've never been in a long distance relationship before, but it's just because he's so outgoing, always out of the house doing something.. I'd imagine we'd even struggle to skype except for the end of the day and he'd barely be able to talk on the phone in the daytime, because that's how it is now while we're both back at home (Uni holidays). I guess I'm just worrying too much ... it might all work out ..
You use your brain, love isn't all that important at your age. Enjoy your youth and don't tie yourself down if you aren't fully enjoying it.
“If you’re under 30 and in a relationship right now, and you’re not head over heels, get out. You are way too young to be wasting your time with someone who doesn’t make you really happy to be with them every day. There’s nothing sadder than watching 23-year-olds settle. - Carolyn Hall, 17 Thoughts for Single Women From A Divorcee”
Original post by Anonymous
I worry about falling too deeply for him and getting hurt. I love him so much already but I know my feelings are only going to deepen over time, I guess that is what worries me most.
Well for a start he recently changed courses at Uni which means he will be finishing a year after me. We live on opposite sides of the country so it wouldn't be easy to see each other, I plan to move back home to catch up with family as I feel I have missed out on a lot this past 2 years - he will be staying near the Uni in a shared house. He's very social, always out with friends, volunteering, working etc. He's never doing 'nothing' which makes me wonder whether he will have time for me if we have the long distance relationship (which atm is a definite arrangement)..
Well for a start he recently changed courses at Uni which means he will be finishing a year after me. We live on opposite sides of the country so it wouldn't be easy to see each other, I plan to move back home to catch up with family as I feel I have missed out on a lot this past 2 years - he will be staying near the Uni in a shared house. He's very social, always out with friends, volunteering, working etc. He's never doing 'nothing' which makes me wonder whether he will have time for me if we have the long distance relationship (which atm is a definite arrangement)..
If these are really your concerns, then that's not a reason to separate. If you believe you are highly compatible people in terms of personalities, world views, life goals, communication and connection with each other - then temporary problems like distance don't have to mean you can't be together. It depends; maybe you don't want to have only limited contact for such a long time and would rather be single or find someone else - which is also fine.
If you think you realistically have a happy future together though and want that, you don't have to give up on it.
My parents were separated for 3 years after they got married while my father stayed in London and my mother went back to Zimbabwe to finish her PHD. My fiance is from Glasgow, I'm in London and the first 2.5 years of our relationship were technically long distance - although luckily our schedules were flexible enough and we were financially savvy/lucky enough to work it so that we still spent something like 80% of our time staying with each other in one or other place. He's also a very up and about person who wasn't necessarily great at staying in contact when we were separate. He could disappear for days, sometimes I'd get no more than one text a day for a week, but our bond and compatibility were such that we'd never consider not being together or feel unhappy with the relationship.
If he is drawn to you as much as you are to him, and you are well suited to each other, then you'll work it out - get coach tickets on weekends, organise trips and outings together, make the most of the time you can be together and then eventually be able to move closer again once circumstances allow. If it's not working for whatever reason, you can figure that out when it happens.
You have two options:
1. Break up now before things turn bad, they might not but there's a chance it will because long distance is difficult at any age. If you do this and decide once you've finished your degree and you're both in a situation where you can be together you can try restart what you had.
2. You don't break up but it will be difficult and both of you will have to put a lot of effort in to keep it going and if you're having doubts about it now are you both committed enough to do that? If things do start to turn sour etc you might not be able to get back together later the issues you had could resurface making it impossible for you both to be happy.
You're both only young and no one can tell you what to do but I would seriously consider both options before you make a decision.
1. Break up now before things turn bad, they might not but there's a chance it will because long distance is difficult at any age. If you do this and decide once you've finished your degree and you're both in a situation where you can be together you can try restart what you had.
2. You don't break up but it will be difficult and both of you will have to put a lot of effort in to keep it going and if you're having doubts about it now are you both committed enough to do that? If things do start to turn sour etc you might not be able to get back together later the issues you had could resurface making it impossible for you both to be happy.
You're both only young and no one can tell you what to do but I would seriously consider both options before you make a decision.
Original post by Anonymous
I worry about falling too deeply for him and getting hurt. I love him so much already but I know my feelings are only going to deepen over time, I guess that is what worries me most.
Well for a start he recently changed courses at Uni which means he will be finishing a year after me. We live on opposite sides of the country so it wouldn't be easy to see each other, I plan to move back home to catch up with family as I feel I have missed out on a lot this past 2 years - he will be staying near the Uni in a shared house. He's very social, always out with friends, volunteering, working etc. He's never doing 'nothing' which makes me wonder whether he will have time for me if we have the long distance relationship (which atm is a definite arrangement)..
Well for a start he recently changed courses at Uni which means he will be finishing a year after me. We live on opposite sides of the country so it wouldn't be easy to see each other, I plan to move back home to catch up with family as I feel I have missed out on a lot this past 2 years - he will be staying near the Uni in a shared house. He's very social, always out with friends, volunteering, working etc. He's never doing 'nothing' which makes me wonder whether he will have time for me if we have the long distance relationship (which atm is a definite arrangement)..
Long distance can be tough but can definitely work. If you love him as much as you say you do and don't want to split up with him, why not try it and see how it goes? Put effort in to see each other and do things, just because you'll be apart doesn't mean thats the end of things. But at the end of the day it is up to you and if you really don't think things will work out and you don't want to be with him, then don't force yourself to.
Original post by Anonymous
I worry about falling too deeply for him and getting hurt. I love him so much already but I know my feelings are only going to deepen over time, I guess that is what worries me most.
Well for a start he recently changed courses at Uni which means he will be finishing a year after me. We live on opposite sides of the country so it wouldn't be easy to see each other, I plan to move back home to catch up with family as I feel I have missed out on a lot this past 2 years - he will be staying near the Uni in a shared house. He's very social, always out with friends, volunteering, working etc. He's never doing 'nothing' which makes me wonder whether he will have time for me if we have the long distance relationship (which atm is a definite arrangement)..
Well for a start he recently changed courses at Uni which means he will be finishing a year after me. We live on opposite sides of the country so it wouldn't be easy to see each other, I plan to move back home to catch up with family as I feel I have missed out on a lot this past 2 years - he will be staying near the Uni in a shared house. He's very social, always out with friends, volunteering, working etc. He's never doing 'nothing' which makes me wonder whether he will have time for me if we have the long distance relationship (which atm is a definite arrangement)..
If your relationship is as good as it seems to be and he loves you as much as you love him, then he'll make time to see you whatever he's doing. Have you talked to him about your concerns properly? It'd be worth doing - my boyfriend and I started a full-time long distance relationship when he graduated in June (we were only doing it in the uni holidays previously) and we've talked about it a lot and decided how often we're going to see each other, and are both making sure we have enough money for that (and if we don't we'll probably just spend it anyway
). I still worry that things won't work out but you never know what will happen, and I suffer from an anxiety disorder so I worry more than most people anyway Long distance is hard but as long as you make sure you make time for seeing each other and stay in touch regularly when you're apart I see no reason why it couldn't work out - if it doesn't then it probably would have fizzled out eventually anyway. It takes more of an effort than a relationship between too people living close to each other but it's worth it with the right person.
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