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Being a misfit

I have been a member of a snooker club for 6 years now and I still don't fit in properly even though I have known them all these years. I mean the other guys are a bit older (about 4 - 7 years older) and are friends they have known each other since they were little kids and them and the instructer (who is also friends with them despite his age) are always talking and laughing about there past, the only thing I can talk to them about is snooker lol. I am the really quiet type (they think im a bit funny) but I try speaking to them but they just answer really politely and then go back to joking with each other. I know the problem is with me Im not the loud and cool type like them and if I do anything to try and make them laugh they just see it as weird or ask if Im ok, yet if any of them did the same thing it would be funny.
What do you think I could do to fit in more?

Cheers

Reply 1

Juwel

18

Earn their respect and admiration by kicking arse at snooker.

Reply 2

Anonymous #1

OP

Juwel

Earn their respect and admiration by kicking arse at snooker.

I thought of that, but im just average, plus they would probably just laugh it wouldn't do much.

Reply 3

Riddy

Im the same but like you said you probably just don't fit in, just leave it.

Reply 4

Bean__x

3

Maybe you just don't get on with them? You can't get on with everyone...I'm assuming it's not a huge group of people? The way you talk i assume its a smallish group..? I'm like that too in certain groups, they think i'm weird and just ask me if i'm okay and apologise if they so little as touch me as i'm really shy and polite even if i've known them for years..really it's just certain people cos im certainly not like that with my close friends!

Reply 5

Anonymous #2

I agree with the above, im quiet too, im starting college in 2 weeks has anyone any advice on how to make friends quick lol? Its just everytime I start somewhere new everyone seems to know each other and are talking except me, even though they are new too :confused:

Reply 6

Bean__x

3

I know how you feel it's so hard! But you just have to think f*** it I really don't care if people think i'm weird/quiet etc this is just me and you'll make friends even if its just one or two, some people might make 10 or 15 but what does it matter!
I also find a nice vodka or two makes it a lot easier though i don't recommend that for college :wink:

Reply 7

Squelchy

I say have a few drinks to loosen yourself up before you play. It might hamper your game somewhat, but it will definitely make you more socially lubricated.

Reply 8

michaelbenson

12

I really didn't find making friends in college that difficult, and have often been labeled with the recluse stamp on numerous occasions. What you have to realize is that the majority of people at College are in similar positions as yourself, starting at a new establishment for the first time, and are probably having to adjust to a new social status and lifestyle. A good idea is to discuss with people sitting next to you within lessons what subjects they are taking, and just generally discuss with them their opinions on general matters (GCSEs, school, "life", teachers etc ... ).

The most important thing is to not shy away into the corner. You don't have to be the centre of attention to gain admiration and friendship from others. But you will have to voice (at least some extent of) your opinion, whether its about who is your favorite X-Factor contestant, or how terrible your AS-Level teacher is, it really doesn't matter. It is the contribution that counts.

Reply 9

Shreerac1

10

Anonymous

I agree with the above, im quiet too, im starting college in 2 weeks has anyone any advice on how to make friends quick lol? Its just everytime I start somewhere new everyone seems to know each other and are talking except me, even though they are new too :confused:

Meet lots and lots of new people.

Reply 10

Anonymous #2

michaelbenson

I really didn't find making friends in college that difficult, and have often been labeled with the recluse stamp on numerous occasions. What you have to realize is that the majority of people at College are in similar positions as yourself, starting at a new establishment for the first time, and are probably having to adjust to a new social status and lifestyle. A good idea is to discuss with people sitting next to you within lessons what subjects they are taking, and just generally discuss with them their opinions on general matters (GCSEs, school, "life", teachers etc ... ).

The most important thing is to not shy away into the corner. You don't have to be the centre of attention to gain admiration and friendship from others. But you will have to voice (at least some extent of) your opinion, whether its about who is your favorite X-Factor contestant, or how terrible your AS-Level teacher is, it really doesn't matter. It is the contribution that counts.

Thanks for that, its just I have no idea how to start the conversation, I tried asking for the time once and they just answered and went back to chatting with there friends. I know you said its important to state your opinion on something, but Ive no idea how to start the conversation and what to say without them thinking that im desperate to make a friend. I mean I walk into a classroom looking nervous (I always look nervous and have a quiet voice which doesn't help) and everyone is sat talking. Guess its just really hard for some lol.

Reply 11

michaelbenson

12

Anonymous

Thanks for that, its just I have no idea how to start the conversation, I tried asking for the time once and they just answered and went back to chatting with there friends. I know you said its important to state your opinion on something, but Ive no idea how to start the conversation and what to say without them thinking that im desperate to make a friend. I mean I walk into a classroom looking nervous (I always look nervous and have a quiet voice which doesn't help) and everyone is sat talking. Guess its just really hard for some lol.

Well you can try and go on a covert mission during one of your lessons. Just try and make a mental, or actual, note of what people are generally discussing within the lesson. And if you dont have an opinion which immediately springs to mind which you can contribute towards to the discussion, then why not go away and perhaps research "Big Brother Contestants" and develop one :smile:

I might sound naive, but i dont actually think that someone starting a conversation with someone they dont actually know is desperate. It is just some friendly conversation. What you can try, if perhaps when you are set an assignment in the lesson and the conversation generally dies down a little you could try asking the person next to your personally if they could help you with the question. That way at least you are starting to communicate, and thus begins the start of your verbal relationship :smile:

But don't worry, i mean during High School i wasnt the most ostentacious of characters, well, nor i am now. But i am certainly alot more sociably outgoing than i was previously. And am much more confident when approaching strangers, but i think that is sort of inbred from a Checkout position at Tesco where it is part and parcel of my position to greet and talk with hundreds of people daily.

The main thing to remember is that fretting over getting friends, and not being a "misfit" will not actually help you in your situation. By adopting a much more relaxed and less guarded stance to conversation you will actually get better more open replies. Good luck! Let us know how you get on tomorrow :smile:

Reply 12

john171

11

Bean__x

I know how you feel it's so hard! But you just have to think f*** it I really don't care if people think i'm weird/quiet etc this is just me and you'll make friends even if its just one or two, some people might make 10 or 15 but what does it matter!
I also find a nice vodka or two makes it a lot easier though i don't recommend that for college :wink:

Ditto. Don't drink spirits though, stick to manly beers.

Being a misfit

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