The Student Room Group

Crush, love, fancying? WHAT the heck?!

I've noticed that alot of threads are based on crushes/fancying someone.

Here's a simple question: What factor makes you admire someone?

And why do some people get obsessive about that certain person when they're not actually going out with him/her?

Oh and soz about the thread name; it sounds abit harsh...heh.. :p:

Fire away! :biggrin:

Scroll to see replies

Reply 1
What factor makes you admire someone?

That what obviously depend on the person, you know subjectivity and all.

And why do some people get obsessive about that certain person when they're not actually going out with him/her?

Because subconciously they think the feelings are mutual and think they may have a chance with their crush.
I don't think that's a simple question at all. Admiration means different things to different people. I admire lots of qualities and factors, not just one.

And obsessiveness - I think people get obsessed with the person they like because it makes them feel closer to them.
^^I agree with this person totally. About the obsessivness part, i think this is caused by paranoia mainly. Things like imagining a person with someone else, or falling out of favour with you etc
People become obesessed with the ideal; a perfect image they create perhaps to elude the reality of what the person they have projected strong feelings on to is really like. It's not really the subconscious that creates this ideal, more the preconscious, it lies between the unconscious and the conscious. It is made up of aspects from both the sub and conscious minds, but can sometimes swing in favour of the subconscious and Id - desire. Sorry to go psychological lingo on you, but the Id, the sub and the preconscious are where the obsessive feelings come into play. Just creating scenarios and conversations with the ideal person you have created. Really, you are not obsessed with the actual person you like, but merely the outside. Physically you find them attractive, and so to make the package complete, you create the perfect personality aswell. Obsessivness is never a good state to be in, maybe the word is a little strong for what a lot of people go through as the majority of people do not become obsessed but simply preoccupied by a certain person. Aslong as you can stay on the right side of reality and not fool yourself in to believing the object of your desire really is reciprocating your feelings, anyone should be able to return from these preoccupied feelings harm free and un self deluded. xxx
Reply 5
Its hard to say what characteristics attract me, personally, because there seems to be no real pattern, except being really great (or at least I think so at the time).

About the obsession, I don't know. I can get a little bit like that, although I never make myself a nuisance or get all pervy. I think it is probably that you end up idealising someone, but its a very hard state to get out of, even if you intellectually know its bull****.
Reply 6
I've noticed a lot of threads around here lately.
Reply 7
yeh obviously its all depending on the person and stuff, but i tend to find what im attracted to is someone who ppl look up to, reserved and controlled like not always seeking attention, but always getting it from everyone
Reply 8
well, i think people want advice and because they really like someone they want to be able to be with them, thats why there a lot of threads, they need advice even if its a little thing it may seem big to them as the person they fancy, love or have a crush on may be there bf/gf for months or years.
dont think im shallow but im about to list the things that attract me to a guy as far as looks are concerned: dark, slightly unruly hair, deep dark eyes, brooding type, good cheeckbones/jawline...slim...just think of jeremy davies...I wouldnt change a thing about that mans looks...yum..lol
LadyEnglish
People become obesessed with the ideal; a perfect image they create perhaps to elude the reality of what the person they have projected strong feelings on to is really like. It's not really the subconscious that creates this ideal, more the preconscious, it lies between the unconscious and the conscious. It is made up of aspects from both the sub and conscious minds, but can sometimes swing in favour of the subconscious and Id - desire. Sorry to go psychological lingo on you, but the Id, the sub and the preconscious are where the obsessive feelings come into play. Just creating scenarios and conversations with the ideal person you have created. Really, you are not obsessed with the actual person you like, but merely the outside. Physically you find them attractive, and so to make the package complete, you create the perfect personality aswell. Obsessivness is never a good state to be in, maybe the word is a little strong for what a lot of people go through as the majority of people do not become obsessed but simply preoccupied by a certain person. Aslong as you can stay on the right side of reality and not fool yourself in to believing the object of your desire really is reciprocating your feelings, anyone should be able to return from these preoccupied feelings harm free and un self deluded. xxx


agree you're quite right true. :smile:
LadyEnglish
People become obesessed with the ideal; a perfect image they create perhaps to elude the reality of what the person they have projected strong feelings on to is really like. It's not really the subconscious that creates this ideal, more the preconscious, it lies between the unconscious and the conscious. It is made up of aspects from both the sub and conscious minds, but can sometimes swing in favour of the subconscious and Id - desire. Sorry to go psychological lingo on you, but the Id, the sub and the preconscious are where the obsessive feelings come into play. Just creating scenarios and conversations with the ideal person you have created. Really, you are not obsessed with the actual person you like, but merely the outside. Physically you find them attractive, and so to make the package complete, you create the perfect personality aswell. Obsessivness is never a good state to be in, maybe the word is a little strong for what a lot of people go through as the majority of people do not become obsessed but simply preoccupied by a certain person. Aslong as you can stay on the right side of reality and not fool yourself in to believing the object of your desire really is reciprocating your feelings, anyone should be able to return from these preoccupied feelings harm free and un self deluded. xxx


agree you're quite right true. :smile:
Reply 12
What attracts me, for love, is a sense of inherent goodness or decency about the person and real energy for life, for whatever theyre into

Lust-wise, its that energy that hooks me in- if a person has a passion for something i can relate to, even if im not directly interested in that thing myself. I need that to feel the connection

Looks...hmm thats a funny one. No matter how good looking a guy is and therefore i wanna kiss him or whatever, if i dont get to know him, i dont really care about him. Its funny. Though i do notice that all men i fall for properly are dark and a bit rough round the edges...smooth pretty boys arouse no fire in me whatsoever!

Then, obviously, theres something else, that i havent a clue how to describe, that i have no control over, which makes me very picky indeed and i wish i could understand it and not only REALLY like one guy once in a blue moon
Nathan_Ley3
^^I agree with this person totally. About the obsessivness part, i think this is caused by paranoia mainly. Things like imagining a person with someone else, or falling out of favour with you etc

i dunno i obsess about some guys, cos i know i cant have em :p: like i was obsessed with Joel Madden from Good Charlotte, when i was 14... i felt like i loved him :p: and i knew it was cos i knew that i would never ever meet him :p:
I obsess about people. I have OCD to blame it on. :biggrin:
DrNick2006
I obsess about people. I have OCD to blame it on. :biggrin:

:p: i only obsess cos i want what i cant have :p:
Ah well that's always the problem, isn't it? Or you have what you don't want!
I'd actually separate "admiring" someone from "fancying" them and "having a crush".

I admire my teachers, snd some members of my family. I admire kindness, generosity, honesty, decency etc.

I fancy guys with fair/ligh hair colour, medium height and build. Fancying is based purely on the physic - for me anyway. If I don't know the guy, I can't be obsessed with him/have any feelings. I fancy him = I like his looks, no feelings involved.

I have a crush on people that I admire AND fancy. Good decent guys who happen to be my type.

I am slightly obsessed with teachers, I mean I have their pictures on my wall and stuff and go to visit them at school whenever I can. I am obsessed, but not in a jealous way that was been described here. I just can't stop talking about my teachers although I definitely don't fancy/have a crush on them.

:p:
Reply 18
Anonymous
I've noticed that alot of threads are based on crushes/fancying someone.

Here's a simple question: What factor makes you admire someone?

And why do some people get obsessive about that certain person when they're not actually going out with him/her?

Oh and soz about the thread name; it sounds abit harsh...heh.. :p:

Fire away! :biggrin:


I've been wondering about that question - why do you become so dependent upon one specific person, when most other men can and will offer the same and sometimes more? And why does your heart remain devoted even when you realise he's not worth it? :redface:

Oh, how I wish I knew. Human hearts are a mystery.
Heart? Oh, no, no, no... any sort of obsession, fancying or love is merely a neurochemical shift in the brain. No more. Finito.

I'm sorry. That's such a bad way of looking at it.