The Student Room Group

What to say?

There's a girl in my class who I would say is my friend, not like a really close or best friend, but we have a few lessons together and get on.

Anyway, she's probably had one of the worst summers ever. In the holidays speaking to her on msn she mentioned that she didn't know if she was coming back to school, because of her school grades (but she sorted it out) and mentioned how 'I can't handle it anymore'. I thought she was being a bit melodramatic, but she also told me a few days ago that she's been suspended from work for negligence, when it wasn't really her fault. She then got into an argument with her parents about it, and she's been staying with her friends the last few days. She sorted it out with them, and then they had another argument and she's been chucked out again. Then today she told me that on top of all that, a few weeks beforehand on her holiday, she was raped. Now she's afraid she's pregnant, because although she took the morning after pill, it was over 60 hours after it happened and she has the signs of an eptopic pregnancy. She's also waiting results for STI's.

When she told me all this, I was just so stunned I didn't know what to say. I didn't really say anything. Now I feel awful 'cause I should be supporting her, but I don't know how, or what to say at all. Please help.
Reply 1
the worst thing would not be to say anything. so many people are so worried about saying the wrong thing that they stay silent and that will just make her feel isolated. i would just say that you have no idea what to say but that yor there for her, if theres anyway you can help and if she wants to talk about it then your there for her
Reply 2
Yeah, I agree. Make it clear that you're there if she wants to talk, but put no pressure on her to talk about it.
Reply 3
the way i tend to go about this kind of thing is to talk about anything BUT the situation. Then they know that you see them for more than waht's happened. If they see this then they'll be more likely to talk to you about it cos they can see there's a deeper level to your relationship. And if she does bring it up, let her talk. And whatever you do, DON'T say "i know how you feel". It's understand, cause you never know exactly how someone is feeling!
Reply 4
Thanks for all your advice people. Especially Azzle.
Reply 5
no probs :biggrin: I've had a lot of people turn to me in the past and stuff so I've had the experience of it all. And my dad's given me a lot of advice on how to handle that sort of thing. Hope she's ok
xx
Reply 6
I would say that I can't pretend to know how you feel and I don't really know what to say about it but I really care about you and I'm here for whatever you need me to do
If she's been raped over the holidays, her parents shouldn't be giving her stick, as she's probably very traumatised. IMO they sound a bit crap to be honest.
Reply 8
She may not have told her parents.

In situations like this I think there needs to be understanding on both sides of the friendship. Whatever you do do not let it bog you down. In the past I have become so involved in helping other people through their problems that my own life has gone a bit downhill!