Year 12s: what will be the first way you research your future options? >>

Was I right to do this?

I'm feeling very meh and I don't really know what I want in life anymore right now.

I guess I'm looking for validation on two things I've done recently.

This involves two girls I met on Tinder.

1) The first girl was the only person I've met in real life from a dating site - we went on 2 dates and things were going quite well, I admit I wasn't overly attracted to her but personality wise we clicked quite a lot. I kissed her on the third date and we had planned another date soon after.

Then after a few days she dropped a bombshell on me through text saying after she split up with her 8 month boyfriend last year and she didn't realise until a few months later that she had contracted herpes from him as he never told her he had it.

She asked me if this was an issue and to be honest I had no idea as I don't know much about STDs. So I did some research and I found out that the person who has it will always have it and even if you have protected sex with them there is still always a risk you might get it.

So on that basis I concluded that actually yeah it was an issue and I would never be able to have sex with her. Sex isn't the biggest deal in the world to me but I'm not going to pretend it's something I could always do without in a future relationship.

I felt bad saying we can no longer see each other but I feel right that this was the only option for me.

2) I matched with someone else on Tinder and we have been talking the last two weeks but although I find her quite funny I just know in my heart she definitely isn't my type for all sorts of different reasons and although we may get along ok it has no basis for a long term relationship.

Because I was lonely I did flirt with her and we arranged to have a date but the last few days I've convinced myself that not only is she not my type but I'm not even sure what I'm looking for any more. I thought I was ready to have a relationship again after me and my ex of three years split up 9 months ago but I'm starting a new career next week which will take up a lot of my time and I want to focus on that right now.

I concluded that it wouldn't be fair to her to go through with it and I was honest in explaining to her the reasons I've just said but she seemed really crushed and a bit angry and I can't even blame her, I would be too.

----------------------

I just feel so bad that I've made two nice girls feel like this. The first girl I definitely think I did the right thing and in terms of saving long term hurt I think I've also done the right thing with girl number 2 however I realise I was wrong to lead her on and talk about having a date.

Reply 1

iamu

should have ****ed girl 2 OP

Reply 2

curlycherry

You're a good person don't be too hard on yourself.

Reply 3

pinkbullets

No you didn't do anything wrong. Don't worry about it.

Reply 4

carlaraptor

You did the right thing, you were honest. In the long run, that saves so much hurt. :smile:

Reply 5

lauren.1097

It's not fair for both of you to try to force yourself to like the second girl. Try just focusing on your new career for now and if you want to, try to think about what you want. Hope this helps :smile:

Reply 6

hothedgehog

To be honest, you did the better thing by letting them know earlier on rather than stringing them on for months before dropping the inevitable break up on them. There's nothing wrong with going on a date or two to meet up with someone (after all, that's what dates are for right?!) and then deciding it's not going in the right direction for you.