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natty
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Report Thread starter 16 years ago
#1
I've just made the biggest mistake OF MY LIFE..ok..here goes.. (i can't believe how stupid I've been..) I had the BEST first term of uni EVER.. i made some wicked friends, had some amazing nights out, my course was going well, i was getting 2:1's in my essays + I was 'seeing' a new guy..then i got back to uni in january after the xmas holidays + EVERYTHING went disasterously wrong.. i have NO idea what triggered it all.. i think it was the stress of house hunting for the second year.. i really wanted to live in a mixed house (guys+girls) but it ended up being all girls...then for some reason i started feeling really left out of my group of friends ...+ went really really withdrawn + stopped talking and wasn't able to concentrate on work......THEN.. i started calling home frequently + worrying my parents... (+because i got into a depression at boarding school) they told me to go to the doctor... but then i started panicking because i didn't want to go through the whole thing again..+ was constantly worrying what people thought of me being so different to how i was in the first term etc.... so my immediate reaction was to run away, even though i knew it was crazy + wrong..... so i had some time at my grandparents, and went home for a few weeks... but then when i got back got more depressed at uni because i couldn't do any work as my concentration had gone...+ i was now so far behind both socially + academically......+ basically to cut a long story short i ended up withdrawing from the uni a few weeks ago and now im starting again in september... but now i feel ten times worse, i feel like a complete failure + i feel so guilty knowing i left uni for no good reason apart from a load of mismanaged relationships and a whole series of crazy mistakes... i now have a constant headache of negative thoughts and im scared im never going to get back to my old bubbly self again. i used to love socialising but now all i want to do is hide away...even answering the telephone seems daunting which is so crazy as normally i can't get off the phone... I feel so sorry for my parents as now all i keep going on about is how i should never have left + im feeling so under-confident it's affecting everything..... anyway, now i have some major decisions to make where i would REALLY appreciate some advice:

1) does anyone have any advice on how i can lift myself from all these negative thoughts + get my confidence back?they're driving me insane... i can't concentrate on ANYTHING at all except the horrible feeling of failing..

2) does anyone have any ideas on how i can fill the time until i start again in september? i really don't want to stay at home because it'll just make me even more depressed knowing i should be at uni... i was thinking of perhaps going to Greece to work in a beach resort - has anyone done this? any ideas??

3) i'm not sure whether i should go back into halls when i start again so i can fit in with my new year.. or whether i should live in the house with my old mates (who im not going to see until september so they will have moved on + it might be quite hard to slot back in with them)
ANYWAY ENOUGH OF MY RAMBLING, I WOULD JUST REALLY APPRECIATE SOME HELP AS RITE NOW I FEEL LIKE MY LIFE IS COMPLETELY OVER... I CAN'T FORGIVE MYSELF FOR BEING SO STUPID... PLEASE PLEASE HELP!
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SweetSugar
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Report 16 years ago
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Aw hun I feel bad for you but you CAN change your life around. I'm no expert but heres my advice-start by some positive thinking-I know this sounds really simple as if it wouldn't do much but you need to build up your self confidence so think of some positive things about yourself (can be little or big) and then just keep telling yourself them all the time and really believe it. Don't put yourself down (you called yourself stupid twice just in that message), just realise that everyone makes mistakes but its how you learn from the mistakes that makes you a better person. Definately you have to get out of the house, keep yourself occupied because otherwise you'll be feeling more and more sorry for yourself. The job in Greece sounds great-a change, beautiful weather etc may really help. Otherwise maybe try volunteering, I've never done it myself but I would think it would give you a really great feeling about yourself so that's always an option. I'm not sure what you should do about the choice whether to go into the halls or move in with your old friends, although moving in with your old friends may help to make the transition to uni again a little easier as you already know them etc. Maybe if things don't improve, try seeing a councellor or someone proffesional who you can talk to-perhaps you just need to let out all of your feelings. Anyway I know I didn't give much substantioul advice but I really hope things begin to improve for you
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natty
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Report Thread starter 16 years ago
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thanks so much hun! was really good advice.. i just can't stop beating myself up about it.. cuz im screwing up my entire future. i know i only have myself to blame.. but ahh... i think that's why it's so bad.. i mean, i had the nicest friends at uni.. + for some reason i shut them all out... i think the frustrating thing is this ISN'T ME.. normally im so social + have NEVER been like this before... usually i hate being on my own!!!! but now i just wanna hide + im really scared how much the negative thinking has taken over... im just SO mad at myself.. anyway enough said, any more advice or anyone who's doing anything they regret sooo much it would b great to hear from u! xx
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samd294
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Report 16 years ago
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Dont worry! The first year of uni is a very difficult time in people's lives, so dont think that you are alone in finding problems, because you're not. Just know that everything will be fine in the end, and as quickly as you fell into this, you can climb out again. I too left uni during my first year, and am going back next year like yourself, though to a differenct place with a different course. I cannot stress how important it is to get out of the house. Two or three days by yourself at home thinking about what has happened will make you feel thoroughly miserable, so get going! Theres so much out there, and summer is just round the corner too. Try and catch up with any old friends that might be around or on gap years or anything, seeing famliar faces can do so much good as well. I hope Ive made you feel a bit better x
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natty
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#5
Report Thread starter 16 years ago
#5
thanks so much... really good to hear some comforting words..im just feelin so lonely rite now cuz all my mates r back at uni now or off travelling... + i know it's no big deal repeating a year of uni in the long run + that i still have all my mates there, it's just im feeling soooo miserable...+ im actually afraid of the person i've become.....i literally feel completely emotionless + empty + really anti-social.....i desperately want to go out and get a job or do something different but right now i don't feel i have the confidence to do that.. basically i've totally lost all faith in myself which is so worrying!!! i think cuz i completley talked myself into a depression + now i feel ten times worse cuz i've left somewhere where initially i was having a good time..(uni) just becasue i over-reacted + blew small problems out of proportion....agh... how come u left uni after the first year?
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fifi53
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Report 16 years ago
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half way through reading your 1st message... i knew i was going to say you should restart in september... glad thats what youre already down to do. nothing to be embarrassed about, thousands do it, youll be really on top of things next year too! depression is something i know a hell of a lot about, so if you want to PM me go ahead. i know full well that my uni course is going to take me about 5 years to complete!!!
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young_free
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Report 16 years ago
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(Original post by fifi53)
half way through reading your 1st message... i knew i was going to say you should restart in september... glad thats what youre already down to do. nothing to be embarrassed about, thousands do it, youll be really on top of things next year too! depression is something i know a hell of a lot about, so if you want to PM me go ahead. i know full well that my uni course is going to take me about 5 years to complete!!!

Are you feeling so depressed because you think you're like the only person who does this? Please, we're humans we make mistakes we change our minds and sometimes emotions can sometimes get the better of us. If you called up some of your old friends and talked to them about all this i am almost certain they'd be really supportive and end up 'lookin out for ya' if you go and live with them because they know what you've been through.
Have you read a thread by marina183 where she dropped out of UCL just because the social life was bad? Please read it and compare yourself I mean that's a girl who knew what she wanted, obviously things didnt work out and she's starting again- go look for her thread !
Do you have any friends around your area/ where you live that you can hang out with in the meantime? How about getting some work experience with somewhere that is relevant to your course?
No offence but you seem like a really fragile/sensitive person, maybe now's the time to develop that part of your personality and just be like "so what, **** happens!" when you're thinking about your life, know what I mean?
Hope I've helped
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Streetwize
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Report 16 years ago
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hey, its not your fault at all, dont beat yourself up about it. its good you are trying to get over it and i think you will!

in my opinion, i think you should go into halls, you'll meet more people, and gain more friends, and perhaps your confidence will increase too and you might be yourself more.

the good thing is, when you go to uni in september, you'll have 2 sets of friends !!!

take care,
sandeep
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young_free
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Report 16 years ago
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(Original post by Streetwize)
the good thing is, when you go to uni in september, you'll have 2 sets of friends !!!

VERY good point!
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pepper
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#10
Report 16 years ago
#10
Hey sweetie, I can relate. I let myself be driven out of school by the bullying that I also let **** up my GCSEs.

It's only now, when I'm almost 21, that I'm actually starting my degree!

Good luck honey
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